It's like a veil has been pulled back and [my] love is being exposed for what it really is. It is full of [I]. I want, I expect, I believe, I feel, I see ... and it all revolves around what love [is] and is [not] according to ... duh duh na na ... ME!
Even the parts of love where I would have said "Yeah, I love well [there]" isn't what I thought it was because it's still my definition of how I love. The missing piece? Human love (and all we define it to be) can never be compared to the love Jesus can--and desires to--implant in our hearts. It is the antithesis of 1 Corinthians 13. No matter how much we try to fool ourselves, we do not personify this chapter of the Bible:
- Human Love does not bear up under anything and everything that comes.
- Human Love is not always ready to believe the best of every person.
- The hope of Human Love fades with circumstances.
- Human Love does not endure everything without weakening.
And those four things don't even cover all of the attributes of the Love chapter! What??? There's MORE?!?!
What about "not keeping a record of wrongs"? Oh, how human that one particular trait is of our love. I know this because God tells me that [he keeps no record of my wrongs]. But how often our human hearts deliver the blow of "I remember, and I'm not going to let you forget".
What Jesus is doing is showing me that everything I thought love to be is not love. He's blowing it all out of the water--burning it away with Holy fire--so that He can replace it with His love.
1 Corinthians 13 was not written about a love we should attain to, or replicate and live out the best we can ... in and under our ability. It was written to describe Jesus: Love Personified. We're not born with it. We can't learn it, no matter how many books we read. We will never figure it out, no matter how many days we're given. We will only receive it by the power of Holy Spirit and a supernatural heart transplant.