Wednesday, February 16, 2011

[i] versus I AM

Late Sunday night, as I so often do when I go to bed, I put in my earbuds and scrolled through the messages on my iPod to choose which one I would listen to before falling asleep. Having recently discovered the depth of Seven (Gateway's Young Adults Ministry), I selected the one message I had downloaded and plugged in.

I soon found myself listening to a guest speaker, which (at first) bummed me out because it wasn't Preston Morrison, but it didn't take long for the words to grab my heart and pull me in. 55 minutes later, I knew God had guided my choice. It was no act of coincidence that what I had listened to was hand-chosen for me for that very night.

In a recent blog post [A Heart Without Love], I was brutally honest about what my heart looks like without the L word, and it's not pretty. On Sunday afternoon, my necrotic heart dished out venom that I justified with the excuse: "Well, now I don't have to pretend anymore or hold it in".

On Sunday night, God came a-calling, and He had a plan to stop me in my tracks before I got too far down this road of destruction.

Although there were plenty of golden nuggets in the message I was listening to, there was one particular zinger that had me stand up and take notice:

"We find it so hard to understand forgiveness because the people we know [and love] remember our sins and use them against us [to manipulate and control us]; but God doesn't remember them at all because He's thrown them into the sea of forgiveness, never to be found again."

How are we supposed to understand God's forgiveness when it's not [re]presented on earth for us? It's almost impossible for us to wrap our human brains around a spiritual concept we rarely, if ever, receive from others or offer to them ourselves without condition.

And then this verse in Isaiah was referenced:

"No weapon formed against you shall prosper, and every tongue which rises against you in judgment You shall condemn." vs. 17

I know this verse references Israel and God's promise of peace and protection to them, but when it was spoken I clearly heard God talking [to] me, except I wasn't the one He was protecting, I was the one He was protecting against.

Nothing God says to me ever provokes condemnation. It's not HIS way. But when I heard His voice telling me that [I] was using my tongue to rise up against [one of His children], He immediately filled my heart with an understanding:

I AM will protect His children, even if it's from another child. When I use my tongue to remind [anyone] of their sin and use it against them, I am putting myself in opposition to God. I am basically declaring God my enemy--my opponent in battle--because [i] am placing I AM in a position to protect a child of His [from] me.

WOW! Why would I ever want to purposely place myself in opposition to a God I don't stand a chance against? I wouldn't ... EVER!

So God, in all His loving-kindness and mercy, came to me the very night I had made an ignorant decision and showed me the reality of my heart decision: [i] versus I AM.

[i] got it! and [i] backed down immediately and begged forgiveness. [i] will never look at sin and how [i] use it against anyone, in the same way, ever again.


  1. If someone had told me that what you communicated on LoveDay could get any more powerful, I would have laughed. BUT IT DID!!!!! Your emphasis of [i] and humility to talk about yourself so frankly really helped me get it. I cannot come against a child of God, even as a child of God. And in reflection I will say, ESPECIALLY as a child of God.

  2. I hope and pray that I can follow in your footsteps. I hate when my tongue tears others down. It can destroy God appointed relationships. Thank you for your openness and honesty.