Monday, February 28, 2011

Social Media Melancholy

Social Media is both a blessing and a curse ... in my book, anyway. I love the fact that it allows me to keep family and friends updated on the happenings here [my family life] and that it allows me to keep up-to-date on those I call family and friends. Without Facebook and Twitter, time would win the game of life's-details-lost.

But then there's the days, like today, when the same sources that keep me 'connected' also make me feel horribly disconnected. I look at the gatherings that take place, the photos of smiling friends enjoying each other, and the connections that so many people have with 'so many people' ... and I realize just how tiny my circle of connections is.

While there is something in me that yearns to have the volume of friends that so many women I know have, there is that other side of me that realizes I will never have that. And then I wonder if I want it because they have something I don't, or I want it because I really want it.

The word friend is a perplexing one to me, and maybe that's where this all falls apart for me. I tweeted one day last week this very statement:

"Random Realization: I'm really good at being a deep, intimate friend, but I'm lousy at being an acquaintance. Surface is hard for me."

Having a large group of friends requires either (1) a lot of time to commit to getting to know them, or (2) being able to commit to knowing a little bit about each person but not really knowing any of them deeply. Knowing how I'm wired, option 2 does nothing for me and option 1 is just not an option for me right now.

My day time is committed to being a mom, home school teacher and care taker of our home; and always allows for flexibility for my SisNBff. My nights are committed to being a mom, cook, chauffer and wife. Can anyone carve out time if 'something' is a priority? Absolutely. But if I stack too many priorities on my plate, nothing is a priority anymore.

So, therein lies my conundrum. The desire to be connected but not the time (option 1) or heart (option 2) to possess it.

1 comment:

  1. You have a pond of people to fish in, don't you? A whole school of interesting people you could get to know, on some level or another! Between Gateway. Destiny In Bloom. And your small group. I know it's hard to imagine where you would find the time to do so, friend. But it sounds like you should. Go on or host a double date one night a week? Meet another mom at Roots one day a week? Join a morning woman's bible study that one of your Destiny-In-Bloomers goes to? Sometimes it's not about leaving your priorities behind as much as it is bringing people in to your life that already exists. None of my suggestions take you that far out of where you already are. They just kind of add fullness to your already full schedule.

    We should never underestimate our need for relationships. God often uses people to keep our hearts focused on Him, and I know that is your main priority!!