Social Media is both a blessing and a curse ... in my book, anyway. I love the fact that it allows me to keep family and friends updated on the happenings here [my family life] and that it allows me to keep up-to-date on those I call family and friends. Without Facebook and Twitter, time would win the game of life's-details-lost.
But then there's the days, like today, when the same sources that keep me 'connected' also make me feel horribly disconnected. I look at the gatherings that take place, the photos of smiling friends enjoying each other, and the connections that so many people have with 'so many people' ... and I realize just how tiny my circle of connections is.
While there is something in me that yearns to have the volume of friends that so many women I know have, there is that other side of me that realizes I will never have that. And then I wonder if I want it because they have something I don't, or I want it because I really want it.
The word friend is a perplexing one to me, and maybe that's where this all falls apart for me. I tweeted one day last week this very statement:
"Random Realization: I'm really good at being a deep, intimate friend, but I'm lousy at being an acquaintance. Surface is hard for me."
Having a large group of friends requires either (1) a lot of time to commit to getting to know them, or (2) being able to commit to knowing a little bit about each person but not really knowing any of them deeply. Knowing how I'm wired, option 2 does nothing for me and option 1 is just not an option for me right now.
My day time is committed to being a mom, home school teacher and care taker of our home; and always allows for flexibility for my SisNBff. My nights are committed to being a mom, cook, chauffer and wife. Can anyone carve out time if 'something' is a priority? Absolutely. But if I stack too many priorities on my plate, nothing is a priority anymore.
So, therein lies my conundrum. The desire to be connected but not the time (option 1) or heart (option 2) to possess it.