Let Them Come Home by Abraham Piper

The article below was written by Abraham Piper (John Piper's son). I actually copied it straight from another blog and am keeping it here because it's just so ridiculously powerful and practical.

The following is Abraham’s account written for Decision Magazine.

When I was 19, I decided I’d be honest and stop pretending I was a christian.  At first I pretended that my reasoning was high-minded and philosophical. But really I just wanted to drink gallons of cheap sangria and sleep around. Four years of this and I was strung out, stupefied and generally pretty low. Especially when I was sober or alone.

My parents, (John and Noel Piper) who are strong believers and who raised their kids as well as any parents I’ve ever seen, were brokenhearted and baffled. (See sidebar story below.) I’m sure they were wondering why the child they tried to raise right was such a ridiculous screw-up now. But God was in control.

One Tuesday morning, before 8 o’clock, I went to the library to check my e-mail. I had a message from a girl I’d met a few weeks before, and her e-mail mentioned a verse in Romans. I went down to the Circle K and bought a 40-ounce can of Miller High Life for $1.29. Then I went back to where I was staying, rolled a few cigarettes, cracked open my drink, and started reading Romans. I wanted to read the verse from the e-mail, but I couldn’t remember what it was, so I started at the beginning of the book. By the time I got to chapter 10, the beer was gone, the ashtray needed emptying and I was a Christian.

The best way I know to describe what happened to me that morning is that God made it possible for me to love Jesus. When He makes this possible and at the same time gives you a glimpse of the true wonder of Jesus, it is impossible to resist His call.

Looking back on my years of rejecting Christ, I offer these suggestions to help you reach out to your wayward child so that they, too, would wake up to Christ’s amazing power to save even the worst of us.

1. Point them to Christ.

Your rebellious child’s real problem is not drugs or sex or cigarettes or porn or laziness or crime or cussing or slovenliness or homosexuality or being in a punk band. The real problem is that your child doesn’t see Jesus clearly. The best thing you can do for rebellious children—and the only reason to follow any of these suggestions—is to show them Christ. It won’t be simple or immediate, but the sins in their life that distress you and destroy them will begin to disappear only when they see Jesus more as He actually is.

2. Pray.

Only God can save your children, so keep on asking Him to display Himself to them in a way they can’t resist worshiping Him for.

3. Acknowledge that something is wrong.

When your daughter rejects Jesus, don’t pretend that everything is fine.

If you know she’s not a believer and you’re not reaching out to her, then start. And never stop. Don’t ignore her unbelief. Ignoring it might make holidays easier, but not eternity.

4. Don’t expect them to be Christlike.

If your son is not a Christian, he won’t act like one, and it’s hypocrisy if he does. If he has forsaken your faith, he has little motivation to live by your standards, and you have little reason to expect him to.

If he’s struggling to believe in Jesus, there is little significance in his admitting that it’s wrong to get wasted, for instance. You want to protect him, yes, but his most dangerous problem is unbelief—not partying. No matter how your child’s behavior proves his unbelief, always be sure to focus more on his heart’s sickness than its symptoms

5. Welcome them home.

Because your deepest concern is your son’s heart, not his actions, don’t create too many requirements for coming home. If he has any inkling to be with you, don’t make it hard for him. God may use your love to call him back to Christ. Obviously there are instances when parents must give ultimatums: “Don’t come to this house, if you are …” But these will be rare. Don’t lessen the likelihood of an opportunity to be with your child by pushing him away with rules.

If your daughter stinks like weed or an ashtray, spray her jacket with Febreeze and change the sheets when she leaves, but let her come home. If you find out she’s pregnant, then buy her folic acid, take her to her 20-week ultrasound, protect her from Planned Parenthood, and by all means let her come home. If your son is broke because he spent all the money you lent him on loose women and ritzy liquor, then forgive his debt as you’ve been forgiven, don’t give him any more money—and let him come home. If he hasn’t been around for a week and a half because he’s been staying at his girlfriend’s—or boyfriend’s—apartment, urge him not to go back, and let him come home.

6. Plead with them more than you rebuke them.

Be gentle in your disappointment.

What concerns you most is that your child is destroying herself, not that she’s breaking rules. Treat her in a way that makes this clear. She probably knows—especially if she was raised as a Christian—that what she’s doing is wrong. And she definitely knows you think it is, so she doesn’t need this pointed out. She needs to see how you are going to react to her evil. Your gentle forbearance and sorrowful hope will show her that you really do trust Jesus.

Her conscience can condemn her by itself. Your role is to stand kindly and firmly, always living in the hope that you want your child to return to.

7. Connect them to other believers.

Obviously, you are distant from your wayward child; otherwise you wouldn’t think they’re wayward. This is another reason why pleading is better than rebuking—your relationship with your rebellious child is tenuous and should be protected if at all possible.

But rebuke is still necessary. A lot of rebellious kids would do well to hear that they’re being fools, but you’re probably not the one to tell them. Try to keep other Christians in their lives and trust God to connect your son or daughter with a believer who can point out your child’s folly without getting the door slammed on them.

8. Respect their friends.

Of course your daughter’s relationships are founded on sin. And, yes, her friends are bad for her. But she’s bad for them, too. And nothing will be solved by making it evident that you don’t like who she’s hanging around with.

Be hospitable. Her friends are someone else’s wayward children, and they need Jesus, too.

9. E-mail them.

When you read something in the Bible that encourages you and helps you love Jesus more, write it up in a couple of lines and send it to your child. The best exhortation—better than any correction—is for them to see Christ’s joy in your life

Don’t stress out when you’re composing these as if each one needs to be singularly powerful. Just whip them out and let the cumulative effect of your satisfaction in God gather up in your child’s inbox. God’s Word is never useless.

10. Take them to lunch.

If possible, don’t let your only interaction with your child be electronic. Get together with him face to face if you can. You may think this is stressful and uncomfortable, but trust me that it’s far worse to be in the child’s shoes—he is experiencing all the same discomfort, but compounded by guilt. So if he is willing to get together with you for lunch, praise God, and use the opportunity.

It may almost feel hypocritical to talk about his daily life, since what you really care about is his eternal life, but be sure to do it anyway. He needs to know you care about all of him. Then, before lunch is over, ask about his soul. You don’t know how he’ll respond. Will he roll his eyes like you’re a moron? Will he get mad and leave? Or has God been working in him since you talked last? You don’t know until you risk asking. God will give you the gumption.

11. Take an interest in their pursuits.

Odds are that if your daughter is purposefully rejecting Christ, then the way she spends her time will disappoint you. Nevertheless, find the value in her interests, if possible, and encourage her. You went to her school plays and soccer games when she was 10; what can you do now that she’s 20 to show that you still really care about her interests?

Jesus spent time with tax collectors and prostitutes, and He wasn’t even related to them. Imitate Christ by being the kind of parent who will put some earplugs in your pocket and head downtown to where your daughter’s CD release show is. Encourage her and never stop praying that she will begin to use her gifts for Jesus’ glory instead of her own.

12. Point them to Christ.

This can’t be stressed enough. It’s the whole point. No strategy for reaching your son or daughter will have any lasting effect if the underlying goal isn’t to help them know Jesus.

The goal is not that they will be good kids again. It’s not that they’ll get their hair cut and start taking showers; it’s not that they’ll like classical music instead of deathcore; it’s not that they’ll vote conservative again by the next election. The goal is not for you to stop being embarrassed at your weekly Bible study or even for you to be able to sleep at night, knowing they’re not going to hell.

The only ultimate reason to pray for them, welcome them, plead with them, eat with them, or take an interest in their interests is so that their eyes will be opened to Jesus Christ.

And not only is He the only point, but He’s the only hope. When they see the wonder of Jesus, satisfaction will be redefined. He Himself will replace the money, or the praise of man, or the high, or the sex that they are staking their eternities on right now. Only His grace can draw them from their perilous pursuits and bind them safely to Him—captive, but satisfied.

God will do this for many. Be faithful and don’t give up.

The Little Girl Inside

There is no room in love for fear. Well-formed (perfect) love banishes all fear. 

1 John 4:18 [MSG]

     An expanse of green grass and rolling hills touches a horizon of pale blue sky. A large hand reaches down out of the heavens. The little girl in her summer dress reaches upward, her hand so very small as it tucks inside His, wrapped in a sense of safety that is palpable.

     A concrete pathway winding through fields of brightly colored flowers, they are walking and holding hands—the little girl in her summer dress and her companion, Jesus. Every time she looks up at him he is looking down at her, his focus only on her. The sparkle in his eyes tells her that she captivates him, and his smile communicates his delight in her. Their laughter is limitless; their giggles the sweetest sound to her ears. This pathway is theirs alone, but even if throngs of other people surrounded them, she would only hear his words. His voice fascinates her—every word feels wrapped in tender confidence. There is no place she would rather be than here with him, anywhere with him.

     They sit together on a black, wrought iron park bench, the little girl in her summer dress and her Jesus. She is tucked into the crook of his arm looking up at his face as he tells her a story. He loves to tell her stories, and they always seem to make her laugh. She can tell that he loves when she laughs because when she does he always turns his eyes to look right into hers … and then he laughs right back. And, oh, how she loves to watch him when he laughs at his own stories. His cheeks turn the slightest shade of pink and his chuckle makes her want to snuggle in even deeper underneath his arm. He never tells her the same story twice.

     Hand in hand they skip along, the little girl in her summer dress and her best friend, Jesus. Their feet are bare in the tender, moss green grass and the breeze feels good on their cheeks. She loves when they skip because even though his legs are much longer than hers he always purposes to keep her stride.

     The morning air is cool but the sun’s rays are warm and comforting. He is carrying her piggyback style, the little girl in her summer dress, with feet dangling at his sides. Her head is turned sideways, cheek pressed against his back, listening to the steady rhythm of his heartbeat. On this walk they don’t speak; they don’t need words, just each other—quiet and peaceful. This is some of her favorite time with him, and she can feel her heart smile.

Over the past several years—during worship or prayer—I’ve had multiple visions play out of Jesus and me. Always I am a little girl about five in a yellow summer dress with white stripes and an eyelet ruffle that touches just above my knees. Always we are outdoors, and always he holds my hand. Sometimes we just walk together and talk; he never runs out of questions. Sometimes we run around and play tag until we can’t catch our breath. Sometimes he takes my hands and spins me around until I’m parallel to the ground, feet flying straight out behind me. Sometimes we just hold hands and skip, our arms swinging wildly back and forth. And sometimes we just listen—listen to the sounds around us; we can hear everything.

"When she was little she lived."

Bob Hamp wrote this line in an article for Destiny In Bloom titled Somewhere Inside You She Lives. (If you haven't already read it, please head there after you're done here. It's a MUST read.)

Those six words spoke to the softest, squishiest place inside my heart—that place untouched by harsh words, rejection, decisions against my will and decisions I made against myself as the enemy’s lies became my truth, time and time again. That place that Jesus has purposed to show me time and time again: the heart of that little girl, all of five, always wearing her yellow and white summer dress. A pure heart—unbroken and undamaged by years of life and choices that were sometimes hers, sometimes not. A heart that fully trusts, fully engages, fully delights, fully lives and fully loves.

In this current season, Jesus is stripping me of the layers of life that have become bricks I have used over the years to build a wall of protection around my heart. It’s both a little bit scary and also a little bit intimidating, but I decided to dive in because a few months ago Jesus showed me something else: he showed me 'me' and he showed me the word 'unchosen'.

In this vision I had a brick in one hand and a trowel in the other. With every word spoken or deed done that I could define as 'against me', I would pick up a brick already labeled unchosen and build my wall. On the other side of this wall was Jesus, and just as fast as I could place a new brick in its place he was taking one down. The fact that he showed me a brick wall was not surprising. I’ve spent years becoming familiar with this particular protection device. What shocked me was the additional understanding he revealed: my brick wall wasn’t only shielding my heart from people, it was also a personally erected barricade between Jesus' heart and mine.

A broken and fearful heart in constant process of building any type of barrier—in the name of protecting itself against the words or actions of others—will also insulate itself from the very thing that was sent to heal it: Perfect Love.

I’m pursuing the unguarded love known by the little girl in her summer dress. Who or what is Jesus asking you to pursue?

So This Is Love

So this is love, Mmmmmm

So this is love

So this is what makes life divine

I'm all aglow, Mmmmmm

And now I know

The key to all heaven is mine

My heart has wings, Mmmmm

And I can fly

I'll touch every star in the sky

So this is the miracle that I've been dreaming of

Mmmmmm

Mmmmmm

So. This. Is. Love.

When I was a little girl playing with my Barbie's, my Ken and Barbie were almost always Cinderella and Prince Charming, in terms of the shaping and unfolding of their love story in my active imagination ... and with the help of my 3-story Barbie Dreamhouse.

As I grew older and laid my Barbie's aside--although not until I was 12, or so--I transitioned to daydreaming about my 'one day' Prince Charming. I was, after all, raised on Disney films and my favorite was, of course, Cinderella. Thoughts of my prince riding up the sandy beach on his white steed and scooping me up with one arm--me all barefoot and long hair flowing in the summer breeze, as the sun was beginning to set across the ocean's horizon--would lull me to sleep many a night. (I was raised a southern California beach girl. My dreams always included the ocean and sandy beaches.)

Ah, the dreaming heart of a young girl and her visions of love shaped by fairytales and the hand-drawn imagineering's of Disney and his crew. Now girls daydream of their Romeos with Taylor Swift's Love Story the background music to their romantic imaginations.

What's the saying? "Young love. Ain't it grand!"

Actually, it is sweet and filled with all kinds of idealistic views of enchantment and princes and glorious rescues from the mundane world of homework or chores and grand adventures of conquering the world together through a love much deeper and stronger than anyone who ever lived before, or will ever live again.

But how come there's only side to that coined phrased? Why can't I recall one about old love just as easily? You know ... the time and trial tested kind of love? Surely that deserves a catchphrase all it's own. Right? Maybe when we get a few more Hollywood writers to capture our hearts with stories like Carl and Ellie's from UP (I could watch that opening scene a billion times over and never grow tired of it), the tide of a culture hypnotized by youth and the backwards notion that passion is reserved for young love will be begin to turn. Maybe.

I digress. All of this really came pouring out of me as I opened my blog to write about this week's Marriage Builder, an email blast from Marriage Today written by Jimmy Evans (one of my absolute favorites!). Today's email really got me thinking, and there were a few golden nuggets I just had to keep, while adding my thoughts--not to improve upon, but make personal.

Jimmy writes:

"In the eyes of God, our story was far more significant than two kids who fell in love and decided to get hitched."

Story. I love that word because I adore reading a well-written story. I've often thought of my life as a story unfolding--just take a look a the sub-header of my blog--but I've given far less thought to the fact that my life with Anthony, our marriage, tells a story just as well. Why have I restricted 'story' to an individual? For that matter, doesn't our family tell it's own story?

"God brought Karen into my life for ... purpose. God envisioned us as a couple long before we ever met. He knew exactly what I needed in a life partner. He created Karen with the gifts, talents, and attributes I most needed in a wife. He created me to meet her needs as well." [Jimmy Evans]

Most love stories we watch on film or read in books never touch this concept: that of finding a spouse that meets your needs instead of your wants. We speak in terms of the hair color we're attracted to, the build, those eyes. We even list out character traits such as sense of humor or fun or intelligent or handy. I wonder how my thoughts for my future husband would have been affected had I turned my prayers for him towards God's perspective instead of being so me-focused: "Can I please have someone who likes baseball and loves the outdoors and taking long walks on the beach?"

Thinking about it now, with lots of years of marriage under my belt, He probably would have said, "If he loves you, he will spend his time doing things with you that you love (and vice versa), but that's not how I look at partnership."

I never thought to pray for someone that would sharpen me and challenge me and encourage me to become a rockin woman of God. Someone who would have talents and skills and attributes that not only complimented me but were also different (gasp!) from mine. And maybe to pray for my future husband to have eyes like God, to see like He does, and have a heart always seeking to be more like Jesus.

Do you see the difference? I know that God created us visual creatures, men more so, and that part of the love connection equation includes attraction and chemistry. God has to draw us to someone initially, doesn't He? But what if our prayers were so focused on the heart of our future spouse--the way God sees (1 Samuel 16:7)--that we trusted God for the rest of our 'wants'? How much different might we enter the convenant of marriage?

"We understood little about what we were getting into. We barely survived those early years." [Jimmy Evans]

I deeply resonate with this in my marriage to Anthony. I was no more prepared the second time around than I was the first, I simply brought in years of mothering experience, lots of wounds and no greater perspective on the real purpose for marriage. I owe our survival to nothing more than God's massive covering of grace and a handful of godly people speaking into our lives at just the right moments.

"But here's what I know: If I had seen [Karen] as someone God created especially for me, I never would have disrespected her as often as I did in our first years together. I never would have taken her for granted. I would have loved her more, treated her better, and been more patient, thoughtful and tender. I would have listened better and worked harder to meet her needs. I would have cherished her, nurtured her, encouraged her, treasured her, and helped her become what God intended her to be." [Jimmy Evans]

Oh, I would have too with Anthony. I would have too. But here's what I know: God is our Redeemer (Isaiah 47:4) and is capable of taking any number of years we feel we may have survived and turning them into beauty (Isaiah 61:3). The story He wants to write with our marriages began with His heart for Adam and Eve:

"God formed Adam and eve to build a lifelong love affair with each other, to walk hand-in-hand in the Garden, to keep each other warm at night, to work out problems when they disagreed--to grow in love and learn how to navigate life together as a married couple." [Jimmy Evans]

I know that Cinderella will forever enchant the hearts of little girls because it's meant to--it's a fairytale. But for me now, I'd much rather have my {love} story look like Carl and Ellies.

 SO. THIS. IS. LOVE.

Unstoppable

Being as I seem to have a lot on my mind, I shall continue the blurging (blogging+purging) that is today's fourth ... and counting ... blog post since early this morning.

A sentiment shared at a friend's birthday dinner last night was tweeted and posted on Facebook by a couple people who attended said gathering. I was not there. I have only seen the tweets/posts.

"A man that loves a woman makes her unstoppable."

While I wholeheartedly agree that a man's love can propel a woman towards her destiny and cause her feel to unstoppable, I would like to offer some additional thoughts.

First, let me reiterate that I was not there to hear the full context of this sentence (what came before or after it), but it got me thinking, and I would like to graciously expand on this further--not out of malice or judgment toward's my friend's heart and intention, but out of a place of trying to understand what it stirred in me when I read it. I am someone who loves to dig deep into thoughts, so this is just me doing that, not attempting to discredit a very honoring and loving affirmation.

Love is a very broad word in our English language, and our society in general, and is interpreted and expressed in countless ways. What is love to one person is not love to another.

Let me come at that thought from this perspective: I heard a statement made at my women's group that goes like this...

Love [and pain] are defined by the receiver.

The essential meaning behind these words is that we may think we are giving love to someone but because s/he defines how love is received, it may not look like love at all when it reaches him/her.

This thought process corresponds with the theme behind the book "The Five Love Languages": we all receive love differently, therefore, knowing who we are giving love to is imperative in order to speak their language so they can receive wholly, the way they are "designed" (and I use that term somewhat loosely here, but that's a rabbit trail thought too long for this post) to receive.

Personal Example: I am not an overly affectionate person, but one of my husband's top love languages is physical touch. He could stop every time he walks by me and touch me in some manner--a hug, a kiss, a pat on the bum--all the while thinking he is loving on me, but by the 50th time that day I am not going to be feeling loved on but exasperated.

In comparison, I could keep a spotless home, make awesome meals, and make sure he never runs out of clean underwear and socks and think "BAM! He should feel like the most loved husband in the world!" ... because my top love language is acts of service. But to my husband, my work is akin to ignoring him because physical touch, not service, communicates love to him.

The same understanding is applied to pain, but in reverse: we may not think we are causing pain to someone when we say or do certain things, but because pain is defined by the receiver and not the giver, we may be hurting someone and not even be aware of it.

Here's the catch: I would include that in our world of broken souls and the abundance of life experiences that often inaccurately filters our perspectives, love and pain are often times just as much defined by the giver as the receiver, and then held out to the receiver all wrapped up in the giver's interpretation. Therefore, when a man loves a woman out of his filter and definition, she could very well receive those same actions as being unloved and ignored, quite possibly resulting in her feeling disconnected and discouraged instead of unstoppable.

So, may I add on to the Unstoppable quote in such a manner?...

A man who takes the time to invest in a woman and makes the effort to get to know her deeply, and loves her not only the way she receives love but, more importantly, as Christ loves the church, makes her unstoppable. (And for the record, a woman has the very same ability to make her man unstoppable too.)

Thanks for "listening". Please feel free to leave a comment and know that my heart's intent is not to offend but to unpack thoughts on something I read.

[I AM] encouragement

Last Sunday, Anthony and I attended a meeting at Gateway for Small Group Section/Zone Leaders. The last part of the meeting consisted of the leaders getting in groups just to pray, encourage and prophesy over one another. love.Love.LOVE. times like this!

As we were huddled in circles drawn by chairs and prayers began being lifted up, I felt HolySpirit spark my heart and heard His voice begin speaking. I grabbed my notebook and pen and wrote as fast as the words came. When there came a pause in prayer, I shared this with our group.

These words were God's heart for us and a reminder of [who] He is, and I wanted to share them with you, too. Sometimes, just having our Dad tap us on the shoulder and say, "I AM here", is all we need.

I AM the LORD your God
I go before and behind you
I encircle round about you
There is no place, no crack, that I do not cover
I AM your strength and shield; your strong tower
I AM your peace
I AM your wisdom
I AM your safety
I AM your joy
I AM the answer to your every question
I AM laughter in the midst of your frustration
I AM the eye in the center of your raging storm
I AM your comfort in the lowest place
I AM your all in all
because I AM

Awkward Acceptance

“Do I want my husband to stop seeing me and calling me beautiful? Is that really a question I need to be asked? Apparently.”

i sometimes think you write from the perspective of a fly on the wall of my heart. sometimes i read your words and they [too eerily] tell my story. it is almost unsettling at times. unsettling because you make me face me by surprise. maybe we share heart similarities without even knowing it. hearts that have been used, i’m discovering, are hearts that don’t want to believe in being seen, and adored, and loved … just for who we are. GOD is whispering…

the paragraph that starts with “my husband tells me” was like a page from the story of my life. i understand your discomfort in accepting. and your transparency has caused me to flinch a little. now i know i have to ask the question “why?”. why do i? why don’t i? and then i have to let GOD work out of me to work in me. to let freedom replace awkward acceptance. GOD is whispering…

thank you for your [heart]words.

[PLEASE] steady my heart

JEHOVAH knew what I needed today. HOLYSPIRIT led me to this video, to this song. that's why i'm posting it.

my life is messy. it is not easy. and pain is a part of it. we are all the same in that sense.

but right perspective is a part of His plan. today, [this] was YAHWEH righting my perspective. and when i see differently, when my eyes are drawn off of me and rightly focused on Him, i am changed.



steady my heart [kari jobe]

wish it could be easy

why is life so messy

why is pain a part of us

there are days i feel like

nothing ever goes right

sometimes it just hurts so much

but you're here

you're real

i know i can trust you

even when it hurts

even when it's hard

even when it all just falls apart

i will run to you

cuz i know that you are

lover of my soul

healer of my scars

you steady my heart

you steady my heart

i'm not gonna worry

i know that you've got me

right inside the palm of your hand

each and every moment

what's good and what gets broken

happens just the way you planned

you are here…

... you steady my heart

and i will run to find refuge in your arms

and i will sing too cuz of everything you are

you steady my heart

even when it hurts...

Laughter

Last night, for the first time in too long a time, we cuddled up and set out to pray together. Yes, there is a [whole] lesson in the fact that prayer between us as a couple - not as individuals - has been lacking in our relationship, and I get that ... trust me. But it's what came before our prayers that compelled me to write this note: Laughter.

I can't remember the last time that laughter caught us by surprise and took over, leaving tears, belly aches and gasps for air. Although I was not laughing about the same thing that overcame my groom, the laughter that came from watching him laugh was just as funny as was the very subject from which his laughter originated.

Those few minutes were some of the lightest between us, and held some natural, God-given medicine in its grip. For those few, spontaneous minutes last night, I am really thankful.

Another step forward...

Lent Day 8: Allowing Hunger

"Yes, he humbled you by letting you go hungry... " Deuteronomy 8:3(a)

There's something in me that just stopped when I read this. I don't know if it was my spirit or soul or heart or mind. Maybe all of the above.

There's something in me that wanted to cry out "NO! That's not right. That's not Who God is." Was it my soul fighting to understand allowed hunger?

There's something in me that resonated, too, because of the words that followed: "He did it to teach you."

There's something in me that is quickly filtering through so many circumstances in my life and wondering if I've chosen to store them, incorrectly, in a file other than 'He Let You Go Hungry Because'?

There's something in me that is stirring; stirring to understand the wisdom and growth and maturity and character that is developed when I'm "allowed to go hungry in order to be taught".

I'm hungry right now for change.
I'm hungry right now for connection that's been lost.
I'm hungry right now to be on the other side of this journey.
I'm hungry to feel again.
To love again.

And then HE catches me in my tracks. Love [again]?
"Be careful how you think.", He whispers. "Desire to love anew, not again."

So, I'm hungry to Love Anew.
But first I must be taught.

Love Revelation #2

On February 11, I blogged about the Love Revelation that came from a conversation with my SisNBff that day. Today, I believe God revealed another part to that revelation.

While the words "No. I don't love you." may sound like the cruelest thing you can say to someone; or hear come out of your own mouth; or be the words that divulge the deepest secret of your soul you wish no one would uncover, God pricked my brain with a thought about this:

"Acknowledging the real condition of your heart is simply the first step to no longer living in your false understanding of love. Now I can teach you what LOVE IS so you can fully understand what [love is not]."

Bachelor LOVE

I know, I know. Reality TV  shows - specifically those centered on love - are "of the devil" and should not be watched by anyone who dares to call him or herself a God-fearing Christian. Whew! There ... I said it. Now the rest of you (whoever 'you' are) don't have to judge me for what I'm about to write.

**Disclaimer: If you believe that, then this blog is not for you.**

With that out of the way, let me say this: I am LOVE(ing) this season of The Bachelor! It is unlike any season I have ever watched, and I've watched most of them - including The Bachelorette - from the show's inception. There were a couple seasons where I just didn't care for the Bachelor and had no interest in following his particular journey. But this season? It truly is different, and it's because I'm watching a redemption story:

[man] goes on show four years ago.
[man] chooses no one at the end.
[man] gets intensely skewered by the public for breaking two hearts.
[man] retreats from public eye to learn from his situation.
[man] re-emerges after four years of intense counseling as {MAN2.0}.
[man] gets another shot at love from the very place he failed at years ago.
[man] displays an open heart and a more-than-honest approach at real communication this time around.
[man] falls in love. [she] falls in love too.
[man] is engaged to [her].
[man] may very well have found his Ever After and be living out [his] Redemption Love Story.

Remember my disclaimer? If you're still reading against your better judgment, then don't get up in arms with me using the 'redemption' word because it's not centered around Jesus.

I know that Jesus paid the ultimate price for our lives, and His is the ultimate redemption story, and we are the recipients of the greatest gift of all time. But! I think we miss out, as a society, when we don't allow the plethora of love stories out there to stir our hearts to something bigger and better - and even more pure - than what we're watching or hearing about in the first place. [Boy ... please excuse the fact that that sentence was 46 words in length.]

In former seasons, especially the past few, the trend was all about showing the physicality between the Bachelor and the ladies. Who had chemistry? Who had that spark? Who would be kissed first? Etcetera, etcetera ... BORING! Can we move on, PLEASE?!?!

This season, the producers have finally gotten it right! They are allowing the viewers to witness the unfolding of a LOVE story, not a hook-up story. And honestly, with a mostly female demographic, I say "It's about time!" Mr. Male Producers.

Women don't care about the hook-up. They care about falling in love. Women don't want to see one womanizer after another choosing the hottest girl at the end, only to watch them break-up mere months later because hot does not a relationship make.

Ultimately, when all is said and done, we're watching The Bachelor because we want to see a love story play out before our eyes; only we get to watch it unfold over the course of several months on TV instead of during a two-hour theater matinee. We want the happy-ending: the proposal, the debut of the ring, her "YES!" and Forever After. We want to cheer them on and celebrate the joining of two hearts. After all, this is about love and love kidnaps hearts like nothing else in this world. And love changes people like nothing else can.

So, there it is. A blog without a deep, moral point at the end. This is simply my way of allowing love - a story of that connection between a man and woman - stir my heart for something bigger and better than what I'm watching.

Expectation Without Expectations

After a day filled with conversation and lots of thoughts (some I blogged), I went into tonight's Habitation service a bit run-down physically. I was tired and feeling like I could have just gone to bed and slept until tomorrow. So glad I didn't. God was waiting to meet with me.

Lots of golden nuggets from the service itself--and so much anticipation for what the year holds in these gatherings--but the end is what I have to focus on right here.

Heads bowed. Question asked, "What is the Holy Spirit speaking to you right now?"

• Immediate vision: Jesus holding a heart in His outstretched hand. (If it was a photograph, the heart would have been in focus and Jesus' arm/body would have been blurred from the depth of field.)
• Twice I shook it out of my head thinking I was coming up with it myself because a new heart has been the only thing on my mind for the past 9 days.
• Twice that vision came immediately back to me after "letting God know that I was ready for what He wanted to show me". 
• Then, layered over the image of Jesus with the heart in His hand, the word Monday came into focus. Huh?
• Again, I shook my head, rebuked my mind for what it was conjuring up, and told God I was "now" ready for His word to me. 
• That vision didn't go away. Now, the time 12:00am came into focus layered with the other two parts. Midnight? Okay, God. What's this all about?
• Instantly, I had the 'knowing' that Jesus wanted me to meet Him at midnight in my living room. So I said, "God, I know what the image of Jesus holding out a heart means. But why Monday and why 12:00am? I get that 12:00am marks the beginning of Monday, and that's tomorrow by the way, but I don't get it." [This was all telepathically spoken to God so no one else would over hear me and think I was a bit loopy.]
• Then God asked me: "What's tomorrow?" Me: "Monday." God: "Yes, but what's tomorrow?" Me (again): "Monday!" God: "What's the date tomorrow?" Me: "The 21st." God: *smiles* Me: "The 21st???" And then my heart melted right there. 
• Tomorrow--February 21st--will mark 4 years to the day that Anthony and I "met" through e-Harmony.

As soon as I got over the shock of the moment, everything in me wanted to doubt. This sounds to good, to set up. And then I heard a prayer from the stage, "God, let us hear you clearly. And when we hear you, let us believe. And when we choose to believe you, let us obey."

And then God spoke to me, "Come with Expectation but without [expectations]."

He was illuminating my blog from earlier today where I stated that human love is nothing but selfish, full of expectations and conditional. I'm not to come with expectations of how I think [this] will happen, what it will feel like or look like, etc. because I'd be bringing my human love to our date. Instead, I am to come with Expectation, believing that what God promises, He fulfills.

I heard God. And I believe Him. And at midnight I will obey Him by bringing an expectant and belief-filled heart to my date with Jesus.

But for the next hour or so, I'm gonna lay my head down and hopefully get a little sleep. I am still so physically worn out and I want to be fresh for my date! :)

[my] Love

Since the days of the Love Revelation: "Real love is not having a human reaction to failure", God has been using my days to show me exactly what [my] love looks like. Today I was able to speak the words, "My love will always be ugly because it's human. And love birthed out of me--and not Jesus--will always be selfish, full of expectation and conditional."

It's like a veil has been pulled back and [my] love is being exposed for what it really is. It is full of [I]. I want, I expect, I believe, I feel, I see ... and it all revolves around what love [is] and is [not] according to ... duh duh na na ... ME!

Even the parts of love where I would have said "Yeah, I love well [there]" isn't what I thought it was because it's still my definition of how I love. The missing piece? Human love (and all we define it to be) can never be compared to the love Jesus can--and desires to--implant in our hearts. It is the antithesis of 1 Corinthians 13. No matter how much we try to fool ourselves, we do not personify this chapter of the Bible:

• Human Love does not bear up under anything and everything that comes.
• Human Love is not always ready to believe the best of every person.
• The hope of Human Love fades with circumstances.
• Human Love does not endure everything without weakening. 

And those four things don't even cover all of the attributes of the Love chapter! What??? There's MORE?!?!

What about "not keeping a record of wrongs"? Oh, how human that one particular trait is of our love. I know this because God tells me that [he keeps no record of my wrongs]. But how often our human hearts deliver the blow of "I remember, and I'm not going to let you forget".

What Jesus is doing is showing me that everything I thought love to be is not love. He's blowing it all out of the water--burning it away with Holy fire--so that He can replace it with His love.

1 Corinthians 13 was not written about a love we should attain to, or replicate and live out the best we can ... in and under our ability. It was written to describe Jesus: Love Personified. We're not born with it. We can't learn it, no matter how many books we read. We will never figure it out, no matter how many days we're given. We will only receive it by the power of Holy Spirit and a supernatural heart transplant.

The Day-After-Love-Day

Today is February 15th, which means yesterday was Valentine's Day. In the most unexpected way, it turned out to be one of the most special days for me. I was treated to a fabulash lunch (yummy avocado rolls and pear endive salad, {our} constant go-to even though we always look at the menu first) by the one person who just has a natural way of drawing me into God's presence while still carrying on conversation. It's what I treasure most about her.

Yesterday showed me, even though I wasn't looking for it, that a day centered on Love Commercialized doesn't have to be something to retreat from--it can be conquered in new ways by shifting all that Love Focus in the right direction ... Jesus.

Four hours sitting on the patio of Cheesecake Factory, while the sun warmed the deepest parts of us, seemed to whiz by. Without a call from my daughter at 4:30pm, I think we would have still been sitting there when the dinner crowd came and went and probably only noticed the time when the sun began to set. Seriously ... that's how deep and unaware of the outside world our conversation was. It was revelation after revelation. Almost too much at times. I'm not sure today how much I actually took in versus heard and agreed with.

So today, the Day-After-Love-Day, I need to process and sit before God. I need to know what He said that applies for my 'now' versus what was a seed planted for my 'tomorrow'.

Thank you, friend--my Heart Treasure--for giving me a Love Day that was just the beginning of future years filled with a different perspective of what LOVE is REALLY all about.

A Heart Without Love

So, there it is ... a heart without love is like flesh with necrosis. It's ugly, rotten and eats away at the very thing that once contained health, vibrancy and life.

Hope Is ...

finding myself in limbo between admitting the death of [this] while believing in, and waiting for, its resurrection above and beyond what my heart could ask for or even imagine.

When she finished telling me the story of her heart transplant, tears began to immediately form. She couldn't have known, but God had brought her here not only to share her miracle but also to answer a question [with proof].

Although it was not the immediate response she may have thought she'd receive from me, I had to tell her the reason behind my tears. Her experience was the "Yes, I can" answer from God to a question I had been asking Him for two years.

So now, instead of asking Him "can You?", I am changing my plea to "will You?".

Love Revelation

We sat in two, high-back, green chairs at Roots Coffee -- she with her peach/strawberry/banana fruit smoothie and me with my double shot cappuccino -- talking about the parallel journeys on which we found ourselves; journeys where love was the catalyst and Jesus was the answer.

For days leading up to this one, we read posts on each others' blogs where deep questions about love were asked without answer, and we had phone conversations about what it could all possibly mean. On Thursday, "I blamed it all on Valentine's Day". And then Friday came.

She surprised me by showing up without notice. And what a sweet surprise it was. A friend is never not welcome, even when I am still in my pajamas. ;) She told me to get dressed. "We're walking down to Roots." Coffee and my BFF? Yes, Please and Always!

As we cozied up with our drinks and rearranged our chairs so we could face each other, I could sense that this would be no ordinary meeting. She had something big to share with me. And God was stirring the heavens as she began unraveling the events of the past weeks.

Over the next few hours there were moments when it felt like time paused long enough for me to understand that the words that had just come out of her mouth were God's and she was simply the conduit. Thoughts like:

"Love is like a Rubik's cube. ONE solution, but many ways to get there." [Really Catchy! I should have a t-shirt made.]

and

"There is no reason I should love {you} like this, but now I love {you} for no reason." [Made my heart stop and take a breath. Selah]

These thoughts weren't directed at me. I was simply the one getting to hear the process of her heart.

And then she shared with me the miraculous transformation ... uh, more accurately, transplantation her heart had submitted to while she slept the night before. (Dead Man Walking) The only word I could find to describe my thoughts was "Amazing!"

And then it happened. The answer to the questions. The truth behind the mystery. The Love Relevation:

"Real love is not having a human reaction to failure."

A Picture Is Worth ...

In the midst of this LOVE Fest [for lack of a better phrase] that is holding me hostage, I felt compelled to Google 'love' in its visual form. These are the images that stirred me, for one reason or another:

I Blame It All on Valentine's Day

If there's one thing people who know me know about me, it's that I am vigilant when it comes to expressing my dislike for Valentine's Day.

My reason #1: It's a holiday made up by corporate America (and Hallmark and flower companies and all businesses involved in chocolate making) to milk the snot out of all the romantics' wallets. Commercialism at its finest, I say.

My reason #2: I don't want to participate in a holiday where people are obligated to show love.

But over the past few days there have been unfamiliar thoughts and questions roaming around my head and heart regarding 'love'. Some of them I blogged just to keep 'em from taking up realty in my brain. (Love Really)

Today, as I was discussing the L word with my BFF, another thought rolled out of my mouth without giving my brain any fore-warning, and I had to stop and take notice:

"Do I really detest Valentine's Day because it's all about commercialism and obligation, or is there a deeper-seeded reason that's not centered around either of these two answers?"

Ahhh, another thought-provoking question to add to the others I blogged. What's up??? I told her (my BFF) that "I blame it all on Valentine's Day." Love, or what we make of it, is everywhere you look. Obviously I've fallen prey to the vast array of commercials on TV and aisles devoted to V.D. in every store. I'm sure this will pass when Monday turns into Tuesday. Phew!

Love Really

Sometimes I wonder if I had the chance to sit with the wisest person on earth who is alive today, if he or she would be able to tell me what love really is?

What does it really look like?
What does it really sound like?
What does it really feel like?
What does it really behave like?

Do we really have the choice of who gets to be a part of our lives, or is that one choice man made up to form the never-seen document The Doctrine of Relationships in order to ignore the chaos of the heart that accompanies people ... like religiosity allows us to ignore the chaos of the heart that accompanies knowing Jesus?

As far as that goes, if Jesus brings someone into our lives, do we fool ourselves into believing whether or not they stay is really our choice, not His, simply because we can't handle the emotions or circumstances that come with that person?

Since 70x7 is Biblical, do we really have a choice to side-step that verse and set our own number that determines I've loved you enough but will no more?

Love is one thing to me and something different to you. Doesn't that mean that in reality we all make up our own definitions of what love is ... and isn't?