Sunday, February 20, 2011

Expectation Without Expectations

After a day filled with conversation and lots of thoughts (some I blogged), I went into tonight's Habitation service a bit run-down physically. I was tired and feeling like I could have just gone to bed and slept until tomorrow. So glad I didn't. God was waiting to meet with me.

Lots of golden nuggets from the service itself--and so much anticipation for what the year holds in these gatherings--but the end is what I have to focus on right here.

Heads bowed. Question asked, "What is the Holy Spirit speaking to you right now?"

  • Immediate vision: Jesus holding a heart in His outstretched hand. (If it was a photograph, the heart would have been in focus and Jesus' arm/body would have been blurred from the depth of field.)
  • Twice I shook it out of my head thinking I was coming up with it myself because a new heart has been the only thing on my mind for the past 9 days.
  • Twice that vision came immediately back to me after "letting God know that I was ready for what He wanted to show me". 
  • Then, layered over the image of Jesus with the heart in His hand, the word Monday came into focus. Huh?
  • Again, I shook my head, rebuked my mind for what it was conjuring up, and told God I was "now" ready for His word to me. 
  • That vision didn't go away. Now, the time 12:00am came into focus layered with the other two parts. Midnight? Okay, God. What's this all about?
  • Instantly, I had the 'knowing' that Jesus wanted me to meet Him at midnight in my living room. So I said, "God, I know what the image of Jesus holding out a heart means. But why Monday and why 12:00am? I get that 12:00am marks the beginning of Monday, and that's tomorrow by the way, but I don't get it." [This was all telepathically spoken to God so no one else would over hear me and think I was a bit loopy.]
  • Then God asked me: "What's tomorrow?" Me: "Monday." God: "Yes, but what's tomorrow?" Me (again): "Monday!" God: "What's the date tomorrow?" Me: "The 21st." God: *smiles* Me: "The 21st???" And then my heart melted right there. 
  • Tomorrow--February 21st--will mark 4 years to the day that Anthony and I "met" through e-Harmony.

As soon as I got over the shock of the moment, everything in me wanted to doubt. This sounds to good, to set up. And then I heard a prayer from the stage, "God, let us hear you clearly. And when we hear you, let us believe. And when we choose to believe you, let us obey."

And then God spoke to me, "Come with Expectation but without [expectations]."

He was illuminating my blog from earlier today where I stated that human love is nothing but selfish, full of expectations and conditional. I'm not to come with expectations of how I think [this] will happen, what it will feel like or look like, etc. because I'd be bringing my human love to our date. Instead, I am to come with Expectation, believing that what God promises, He fulfills.

I heard God. And I believe Him. And at midnight I will obey Him by bringing an expectant and belief-filled heart to my date with Jesus.

But for the next hour or so, I'm gonna lay my head down and hopefully get a little sleep. I am still so physically worn out and I want to be fresh for my date! :)

1 comment:

  1. GOD IS SO ROMANTIC!! That's something He's been highlighting to me a-l-l week. I haven't been quite ready to write a blog about it. I'm still in the discovery stages. But your story just got added to my pile of mental notes. So I'll say it again, because I believe He wants me to acknowledge this about Him. GOD IS SO ROMANTIC!! The date He chose for you...gasp! Yes, God - You are the ultimate romancer of our hearts.

    YAY, I was so hoping you had gotten the news in a vision! I immediately wondered that when your tweet went out. And this one was so neat with layers and the heart being held out.

    I went to bed so full of joy last night! Just singing JOY, UNSPEAKABLE JOY. I cannot wait to hear whatever it is you have to tell today. And if it all happened inside, in a way you can't identify, I just want to hear your voice. Because I know you are new!!