Monday, June 26, 2006

Death Comes in 3's

Why is it that "death comes in three's"? For so long I've heard the saying repeated, especially when celebrities or people in the public eye die. I've watched in disbelief and amazement as this saying always plays itself out -- yet it's always been from a distant place -- people I know of but truly don't know.

These past 2 weeks in a row brought death to our doorstep... Coli's 17 year old brother and my 58 year old uncle. Now, we've received news that we knew was coming, but didn't know when to expect. Jason's family removed all life support from his father this evening after a very short battle with cancer and now he's waiting for the phone call from the hospital that will bring the news of his father's death.

This will make the 3rd straight week that death has brought grief to this home and proves the saying that... DEATH COMES IN 3'S.

Interesting scriptures and commentary I found on death -- thought provoking...

It is better to go to a house of mourning than to go to a house of feasting, for death is the destiny of every man; the living should take this to heart. ~Ecclesiastes 7:2

In the former we find occasion for serious and deeply edifying thoughts and reflections; from the latter we seldom return with one profitable thought or one solid impression.

Sorrow is better than laughter, because a sad face is good for the heart. ~Ecclesiastes 7:3

The reason is immediately given; for by the sorrow of his demeanor - the grief of the heart that shows itself in the demeanor - the heart is made better.

The heart of the wise is in the house of mourning... ~Ecclesiastes 7:4

The wise man prefers the occassions from which he can derive spiritual gain.

Friday, June 23, 2006

Waiting on Tomorrow

Tomorrow is my uncle's memorial service, and I'm torn on what to expect. On one hand it will be good to be done with the planning and preparation and just get to the service. On the other hand, this week has been a weird one for me emotionally, and I'm a bit unsure of how my emotions will hold up. These past few days I have been so busy taking care of things (some that stole so much emotional energy and shouldn't have) and busy with daily baseball practices in preparation for the All-Star tournament, that I haven't had much downtime to process my uncle's death. Now I'm wondering if my heart is going to catch up with my head tomorrow and I'll be left holding the pieces of my heart...

Wednesday, June 21, 2006

A Surreal Moment

Last night I was sitting at Carrow's with my mom, dad and my kids eating a really late dinner because Alec's baseball practice for All Stars had gone pretty late. It's ironic how moments can almost stop time. My mom's cell phone rang and within seconds we knew that something was terribly wrong. My mom had just received the news that her brother, my Uncle Billy, had died... and died by his own hand.

I can't really write about what went through my head at that point... I don't know if I even remember. All I rememer is that my focus was on getting the check so that my mom wouldn't have to sit in the booth of a restaurant to process this news.

The next couple hours were spent making phone calls to my sister and brothers and niece... trying to help my mom while she was making the phone calls to others who had more information....

This morning my mom and dad drove out to Arizona to deliver the news to my grandmother in person. My prayers are with all of them... this will not be easy news to hear.

"He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High will rest in shadow of the God Almighty (El Shaddai)." ~ Psalm 91:1

Monday, June 12, 2006

Re-Evaluating Life

I've cleared everything from my Xanga site tonight... not completely... just from public viewing. I did this because today has been one of re-evaluation. I received a call today from my BFF, my niece, my Sister in Christ... Coli. I was given the news, through her tear-filled voice, that her 17 year old step-brother was killed in a car accident today. Only 17 years old...

There's so much that went through my head as I listened to Coli tell me what had happened... and then I tried to come up with words that would soothe her hurting heart. I knew that I couldn't...are there words that anyone can say that are capable of removing grief in a moment like this??? The best thing I could do, the only thing that could bring any sense of relief to her, was to pray with her and for everyone who was grieving just like her today when they received this same news.

I only had the opportunity to meet Jeremy a few times but I still cried with Coli because a mom I know had lost one of her children. My heart grieved for her... and even more so when I learned later that her last conversation with her son was one of contention... neither one of them knowing that that conversation would be the last one they ever had with each other. You don't have to be a parent to try to imagine what it would be like to have your last words to someone you love very much be words of contention; but as a parent, she will feel that weight even heavier because it was her son.

When we are faced with mortality, especially the mortality of a young man who still "seemingly" had his whole life ahead of him, we seem to instantaneously take stock of our own lives. It has been over 15 years since I have lost someone close to me. It's been long enough that I don't remember the grief I felt... I only remember the love I had for my Grandfather.

What I realized today, amidst so much that is going on in my life and those around me, and more so as it pertains to the relations of those directly dealing with this loss, is this...

How much of what we hold onto, what we stand for in the name of right or moral, really matters when it interferes with or distances us from those we love? Does it really matter... in the end?
Jeremy didn't know that today would be his last, nor did his Mom or Dad or brother, etc. Would that conversation have been different if they had known? Absolutely... but wouldn't so much of what we all do be different if God let us in on what's around the corner?

Death, especially of someone so young, tends to have this way of making one stop... stop and think about what's truly important in life.

Monday, June 5, 2006

Random Ramblings

It's Monday night, and I just looked at my site (hey, that rhymes) and realized that I haven't posted any thing new in a bit... so I thought I'd try cuz I sooooo don't like it when I get on other peeps sites and the same old blog is up. And then I realized that my brain is tired and my body hurts from throwing like a gazillion pitches at Alec's baseball practice today. Like the baseball freaks we are I took Alec to the ball field an hour early for batting practice and then I just got nominated to remain the pitcher for batting practice for the boys as they showed up for practice today. I didn't pitch to everyone cuz my arm decided at one point that it could no longer throw strikes, but the tomboy in me was more than thrilled to be able to pitch for the boys for the time I did -- and even strike out a few!

But now my body is reminding me of the fact that I'm not 10 like they are, and my body isn't used to throwing a gazillion pitches without rest. Yes, I can play catch with Alec for hours and not come up hurting but throwing pitches is a completely different body motion and it didn't take long for some aches to set in. This is either a sign that I really need to start working out again or that I'm just gonna have to suffer when I play.... hmmmm, I'll have to think about this one.

So, I've rambled on without really saying anything important, and I'm trying to figure out at this point if I really have anything important to say...

FREEDOM! I know I should write about this... it's so important to share how Christ can and does set us free from the bondage of sin and attack that keeps us from walking a truly abundant life with Him.... but I just can't seem to put words together right now.

Maybe tomorrow when my brain is rested. Until then.... Sayonara!

Saturday, June 3, 2006

Good-Bye Samson

Well, when rough seas are all around can another big wave actually make things worse??? Sometimes...

This morning I had to make a very tough decision to remove our first Brewton family pet, Samson, from the home. Sometime within the past several weeks something in Samson turned, and he started acting very aggresively towards the other dogs. I don't know if he finally figured out that he was the biggest and strongest in the yard and could throw his weight around without consequence, or if his desire for being the center of our attention made his jealousy towards the other dogs come out.

Whatever the situation, I had to made a decision for the safety of our other animals. As much as I love Samson, especially since he was our very first pet, removing him now was the better option than waiting until something happened to one of the other dogs. I don't think I would have been able to handle that.

So this morning Alec and I put his leash on, drove him to our local Animal Shelter and put him up for adoption. It was difficult and made even more difficult by the fact that Samson rode with his chin on my shoulder almost the entire way there -- something he's never done before when in the car. It made me wonder if pets have some sixth-sense about things like this.

When I said good-bye to him, he wouldn't stop kissing me. I was "this-close" to taking him back home, but I knew that even though my heart broke as I watched a volunteer take him away, that I had made the right decision. What was even harder was watching my son go through that same heart break. This was his first dog, a dog he helped name... and he had to say good-bye too.

Samson... you brought joy to us through your constant smiles. And we pray that God brings you to a great family who will spoil you with love.