Sunday, January 13, 2013


Being as I seem to have a lot on my mind, I shall continue the blurging (blogging+purging) that is today's fourth ... and counting ... blog post since early this morning.

A sentiment shared at a friend's birthday dinner last night was tweeted and posted on Facebook by a couple people who attended said gathering. I was not there. I have only seen the tweets/posts.

"A man that loves a woman makes her unstoppable."

While I wholeheartedly agree that a man's love can propel a woman towards her destiny and cause her feel to unstoppable, I would like to offer some additional thoughts.

First, let me reiterate that I was not there to hear the full context of this sentence (what came before or after it), but it got me thinking, and I would like to graciously expand on this further--not out of malice or judgment toward's my friend's heart and intention, but out of a place of trying to understand what it stirred in me when I read it. I am someone who loves to dig deep into thoughts, so this is just me doing that, not attempting to discredit a very honoring and loving affirmation.

Love is a very broad word in our English language, and our society in general, and is interpreted and expressed in countless ways. What is love to one person is not love to another.

Let me come at that thought from this perspective: I heard a statement made at my women's group that goes like this...

Love [and pain] are defined by the receiver.

The essential meaning behind these words is that we may think we are giving love to someone but because s/he defines how love is received, it may not look like love at all when it reaches him/her.

This thought process corresponds with the theme behind the book "The Five Love Languages": we all receive love differently, therefore, knowing who we are giving love to is imperative in order to speak their language so they can receive wholly, the way they are "designed" (and I use that term somewhat loosely here, but that's a rabbit trail thought too long for this post) to receive.

Personal Example: I am not an overly affectionate person, but one of my husband's top love languages is physical touch. He could stop every time he walks by me and touch me in some manner--a hug, a kiss, a pat on the bum--all the while thinking he is loving on me, but by the 50th time that day I am not going to be feeling loved on but exasperated.

In comparison, I could keep a spotless home, make awesome meals, and make sure he never runs out of clean underwear and socks and think "BAM! He should feel like the most loved husband in the world!" ... because my top love language is acts of service. But to my husband, my work is akin to ignoring him because physical touch, not service, communicates love to him.

The same understanding is applied to pain, but in reverse: we may not think we are causing pain to someone when we say or do certain things, but because pain is defined by the receiver and not the giver, we may be hurting someone and not even be aware of it.

Here's the catch: I would include that in our world of broken souls and the abundance of life experiences that often inaccurately filters our perspectives, love and pain are often times just as much defined by the giver as the receiver, and then held out to the receiver all wrapped up in the giver's interpretation. Therefore, when a man loves a woman out of his filter and definition, she could very well receive those same actions as being unloved and ignored, quite possibly resulting in her feeling disconnected and discouraged instead of unstoppable.

So, may I add on to the Unstoppable quote in such a manner?...

A man who takes the time to invest in a woman and makes the effort to get to know her deeply, and loves her not only the way she receives love but, more importantly, as Christ loves the church, makes her unstoppable. (And for the record, a woman has the very same ability to make her man unstoppable too.)

Thanks for "listening". Please feel free to leave a comment and know that my heart's intent is not to offend but to unpack thoughts on something I read.

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