Sunday, February 8, 2009

It's Not [w.h.y.] but {How L O N G}

We didn't go to church this morning. I was awake in time to get ready, but I chose to enjoy the additional cuddle time with my husband instead. When Anthony acknowledged that he needed some extra sleep, I decided to get up and seclude myself in the office and enjoy worship through Gateway's online service broadcast.

I knew that I was entering into worship with a heavy heart. That I was carrying the burden of financial worries upon my shoulders and the fear of too many "what ifs?" in my arms. That my flesh had been reminding me for too many days of the desperate urgency of my desired miracle, and my heart was beseeching God for a rescue, once again.

I can't remember what song was sung first because I wasn't participating just yet, I was praying... confessing my doubt and fear, casting my burdens - all that I was CHOOSING to carry - at the foot of the cross, and asking God to refresh my spirit with His grace and mercies that are new everyday. Tears were rolling down my cheeks because I knew that I was really confessing a lack of faith, all due to the circumstances that surrounded me. When standing in the presence of God, what I struggle with often strikes me as ridiculous.

In the midst of my prayer a new song was being taught. I immediately smiled, knowing that God was reminding me, in that moment, that He is FaithFULL... always. I dropped to my knees and soaked in the words of Faithful God. So fittingly, worship moved straight into Overcome.

As worship closed, three words were spoken that pierced my heart - [w.h.y.] and {How L O N G?}. It was another 'righting of perspective' in my soul.

In the midst of our circumstances, our trials and tribulations, our storms, do we ask [w.h.y.] or do we ask {How L O N G?}? Here's the difference:

[w.h.y.] - is asked because I am questioning whether or not God is with me, if He is really on my side, wondering if He has somehow left me to fend for myself in the very midst of my trial.

{How L O N G?} - fully acknowledges God's involvement in my situation, voices my understanding that He is right there with me, that He has neither left me nor forsaken me. I'm simply asking how much longer will I have to stand in the fire of the refiner's furnace? I'm expressing the fact that I am worn out and that my desire is to be released and rescued.

There is a huge chasm of difference between the questions of [w.h.y.] and {How L O N G?} .

[w.h.y.] is born out of an arrogance, out of an attitude that I "don't deserve" to be (here)... why ME?... what did I do? [w.h.y.] is self-centered.

{How L O N G?} is born out of our weakness and His strength... simply pursues the power of God's right hand to lift us out of our storm... admits our inability to proceed under our own strength.

Hebrews 4:2 says:
For indeed we have had the good news proclaimed to us just as truly as they [the Israelites of old did when the good news of deliverance from bondage came to them]; but the message they heard did not benefit them, because it was not mixed with faith (with the leaning of the entire personality on God in absolute trust and confidence in His power, wisdom, and goodness) by those who heard it; neither were they united in faith with the ones [Joshua and Caleb] who heard (did believe).
And this is the moral of the story: We have all been given the Word of God and we have all been give a measure of faith. But unless our faith is united with the Word, there is no benefit for us. Our faith must stand alongside God's Word.


  1. Good stuff, but I'm tired of HOW LONG already. Just being honest.

  2. I may never know what it is like to be in your financial position. I can't empathize. I can only pray. But you are teaching me by your testimony!! I have my own "why"s and "how long"s. Again, want to cry. Must be the Holy Spirit's fingerprints on your blogs.