...Christmas to be over and it's only Christmas Eve Eve. It's why I've changed my blog theme from Christmasy to wintry. I'm tired of trying to be the joy around here for everyone else and everyone else just expecting me to make their Christmas..."CHRISTMAS"! I'm tired of trying to make the holiday special and getting, "Really? That's your idea?"
Right now I'm just looking for the days to be over so I don't have to think about Christmas for another year. This is my favorite time of year but I've decided that it's time for me to find a different 'favorite time of year'. Something that won't push and pull my emotions for two months. Appreciation for small things is supposed to go A LONG WAY, but it doesn't. And I can't make anyone appreciate the small things and stop whining for the 'not so small' things.
This morning was my breaking point. I was sick yesterday. Barely out of bed except to take Teighlor and Marian to their eye appointments. And I would have rescheduled those if I could have, but they had to get in before the end of the month for FSA reasons.
So, when I tell the kids this morning that their last SCEDTC is getting to go see Alvin and the Chipmunks "The Squequel", I expected warm, smiling faces and cheers of excitement. After all, all 4 of them have been talking about this movie and really wanting to see it. That's nothing short of moving a mountain in this house...to get ALL four kids to want to see the same thing.
Well, I got my anticipated reaction from 3 of the 4, and then was hit with, "But that's not very Christmassy" from the 4th kid.
I'm not feeling great today. I'm still very fatigued and would rather spend the day resting. I've got laundry to do. I have gifts to still wrap. I have a house to clean. And I would rather spend the day resting. [I think I already said that].
BUT, because I wanted to make their day special, their last SCEDTC day, I was going to push harder when home to get things done and then go sit at a Starbucks for 2 hours while they see the movie [something that would normally make me happy but not today because I'd rather be in bed resting], just so their last SCEDTC was special and fun. Something they've been BEGGING to do for weeks now.
And I get, "But that's not very Christmassy".
So I stood up and as I was walking out of the playroom I retracted my offer for the movie and told them SCEDTC was now off the table.
I'm done with this year. I'm just counting the days for it all to be over.
It must be something in the air. Seriously! Maybe a spiritual dynamic of some kind that is unseen, but felt. Because this Christmas has just been a struggle for everyone I have talked to. That nice Christmas glow that everyone just naturally eases into was missing. I even felt that in myself, so I am sorry if that affected you!
ReplyDeleteI just know what you are talking about. I spent all day yesterday trying to find the perfect solution to J's "it just doesn't feel like Christmas". In the end, I couldn't. And after all my efforts, I realized it wasn't personal. There's just something else at work this year. Thinking about it, the last few years - I've noticed it more and more.
*Next year...*, I tell myself. But I think that next year I'll have to fight even harder to hold on to the joy of Christmas that the enemy is trying to steal. My only comfort is that Jesus was born into the world at such a time as this. Into lives that missed the "little" lowly things that He did to share His love. So He gets it. And He can help me find the hope in the season.
I like reading your raw heart. I like reading anything you write. :)
P.S. How did the ornaments turn out? That was such a creative idea! I pulled off the dog poop prank perfectly. Even recorded the whole thing. (But won't be showing it because I had my gstring butt in the shot the whole time. haha) J was too casual about it. I couldn't get a good reaction out of him. Just a "clean it up" kind of attitude. Sooo...I reached down and took a bite. You should have seen his face!! haha In 30 seconds, he registered it was a joke and then talked about it the rest of the day. Fun.