Sunday, January 13, 2013

Visiting: Reality

"God was putting pressure on this movie set I had built and named "reality". It was crumbling, and I was trying to rebuild it." Bob Hamp, Tearing Down a Stronghold, November 20, 2011
I read this again and my soul immediately squirms, uncomfortable with the resonance these words ring within me, but also wondering (a year later) if this purging of thought lead to something different. Was your matrix deconstructed? Did switching sources redefine reality in such a way that the reality you had built no longer mattered? Did you find a way to devalue that which you had always valued? I connect with this writing (again, a year later) in such a way that I could not connect with it a year ago. And because it stirs my inner pot, I really do ask these questions with a sincere desire to know and learn and understand, not simply with a rhetorical flair. Pondering, again...
I'm in a season of revisiting things: words, perspectives, experiences, thoughts, beliefs. I'm looking for truth where I may have grown comfortable with a lie and both challenging myself and inviting others to challenge my way of thinking in all areas. This is a not quick, fad diet to produce a temporary result. Change is needed, required actually. I've placed hope in new things too many times and have watched myself grow more inward each time that hope dwindles under expiring words and actions.

I can't stay [here], but I'm not sure yet how to get [there]. A harvest has been sown and its fruit is not tasty. I didn't realize how greatly the quality of the seed would impact the fruit of my labor. Sow in ignorance and reap a harvest that leaves you feeling devastated, overwhelmed and questioning everything. 

I have spent years building my own reality and placing a high value on those things and people and experiences that laid my reality's foundation. Could it really be that value is not for me to place? I'm digging for answers now...

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