I've cleared everything from my Xanga site tonight... not completely... just from public viewing. I did this because today has been one of re-evaluation. I received a call today from my BFF, my niece, my Sister in Christ... Coli. I was given the news, through her tear-filled voice, that her 17 year old step-brother was killed in a car accident today. Only 17 years old...
There's so much that went through my head as I listened to Coli tell me what had happened... and then I tried to come up with words that would soothe her hurting heart. I knew that I couldn't...are there words that anyone can say that are capable of removing grief in a moment like this??? The best thing I could do, the only thing that could bring any sense of relief to her, was to pray with her and for everyone who was grieving just like her today when they received this same news.
I only had the opportunity to meet Jeremy a few times but I still cried with Coli because a mom I know had lost one of her children. My heart grieved for her... and even more so when I learned later that her last conversation with her son was one of contention... neither one of them knowing that that conversation would be the last one they ever had with each other. You don't have to be a parent to try to imagine what it would be like to have your last words to someone you love very much be words of contention; but as a parent, she will feel that weight even heavier because it was her son.
When we are faced with mortality, especially the mortality of a young man who still "seemingly" had his whole life ahead of him, we seem to instantaneously take stock of our own lives. It has been over 15 years since I have lost someone close to me. It's been long enough that I don't remember the grief I felt... I only remember the love I had for my Grandfather.
What I realized today, amidst so much that is going on in my life and those around me, and more so as it pertains to the relations of those directly dealing with this loss, is this...
How much of what we hold onto, what we stand for in the name of right or moral, really matters when it interferes with or distances us from those we love? Does it really matter... in the end?
Jeremy didn't know that today would be his last, nor did his Mom or Dad or brother, etc. Would that conversation have been different if they had known? Absolutely... but wouldn't so much of what we all do be different if God let us in on what's around the corner?
Death, especially of someone so young, tends to have this way of making one stop... stop and think about what's truly important in life.