"Lord, I know if I change my mind, you will change my heart in time." Waiting Room lyric [Shane Barnard]
The Human Brain from Geoff Schultz on Vimeo.
Don't pick on people, jump on their failures, criticize their faults--unless, of course, you want the same treatment. That critical spirit has a way of boomeranging. It's easy to see a smudge on your neighbor's face and be oblivious to the ugly sneer on your own. Do you have the nerve to say, "Let me wash your face for you," when your own face is distorted by contempt? It's this whole traveling road-show mentality all over again, playing a holier-than-thou part instead of just living your part. Wipe that ugly sneer off your own face, and you might be fit to offer a washcloth to your neighbor.
Matthew 7:1-5 The Message
From a conversation I had yesterday comes the three God-reminders above.
One encourages.
One helps scientifically explain.
One just tells me like it is.
"Our broken places fought." This line was not meant to be the point of a blog I read this morning by Marissa Star, but it was exactly what God had written for me. It made so much sense to me.
When I asked God later [in my prayer closet] what is broken in me that seeks out the broken places of others to try to change them, He responded, "You are still looking for [him] to satisfy you." Meaning --> you are not looking to ME.
Then he reminded me of the verse in Matthew 6: Seek ME first and MY righteousness ... and all these things will be added to you. When I add it to what I read next {Matthew 7:1-5}, I understand God's admonition (authoritative counsel or warning).
I strive to change the things I cannot, instead of seeking the change that is the catalyst for all these things.
Got it, FatherGod!
Monday, July 25, 2011
Tuesday, July 19, 2011
my little [pinkheart]
as i sat here, ready to write down my moment with GOD, i realized i'd never taken the time to write down my [pinkheart] transformation from pink impact back in april. so much was going on with heather that by the time life settled my pink memories were tucked safely inside my pink journal.
without going into the full story behind my [pinkheart] transformation, which will become its own blog very soon, i'll just state that GOD opened the heavens and poured love into me, transforming my gray heart of stone into a pink heart of flesh; not flesh as in 'walking in the flesh' but flesh as in 'no longer hard and closed but now soft and open'.
yesterday i was wrestling with doubt and fear. they sabotaged me in the form of "giants in the promised land". i was focused on what my eyes could see instead of what my GOD has promised me. my husband, seeing those pesky critters (doubt and fear), reminded me of the giants in the promised land and spoke right to my unwanted visitors.
side note: this is a part of marriage that i love, love, love! GOD knows that a primary benefit of joining one+one {twogether} is that when {one} is stumbling around, the {other one} is available to pick them up. yesterday, my {other one} did just that.
this morning, still feeling the remnants of my wrestling match, i decided to soak in some worship music. forgetting to make my next song choice before my current song was over, my shuffler landed on [you are for me]. i sat back, closed my eyes and just let the music wash over me. as the lyric "even if to write upon my heart" was sung, i asked GOD what he wanted to write on my heart today. not knowing what to expect, he opened my spiritual eyes and showed me this:
he reached out his hand and with his finger he wrote on my little [pinkheart] the word: FAITHFUL. as the song continued, he wrote the words: patient, gracious, merciful, true and wonderful; one on top of the other. the chorus began again and as the lyrics wound their way to "i know that you will never forsake me in my weakness", GOD won the race to my flesh and covered me with himself just before I could steal his moment away with guilt over yesterday's weakness. and when i say he covered me, he kinda literally did.
still seeing my [pinkheart], GOD reached out both hands, wrapped them behind my heart and then ... well, he brought his cheek down and pulled my heart to his cheek. and then he just nuzzled it--my little [pinkheart]--like a child would nuzzle their favorite stuffed animal close to their cheek. i was this close to becoming consumed by yesterday's weakness, but GOD invaded that moment and, with purpose, overwhelmed me with such tender affection.
yes, he was well aware of my weakness, but that's not what he was focusing on. my flesh wanted to rid itself of the condemnation of doubt and fear. GOD came to love on me; knowing that by doing so, he wasn't just removing fear and doubt, he was filling me with himself.
this act of my daddy so sweetly loving his little girl caught me off guard. i was overcome with sobs of gratefulness, knowing he could have just forgiven me for my weakness--which wouldn't have been wrong--and i would have felt better ... but GOD went far beyond my expectations ... he wrote [who] he is on my little [pinkheart].
Monday, July 18, 2011
HOW bad do you want it?
That's a question that looms in front of anything and everything that doesn't come easily. It's a question I am [seriously] considering as I choose to post this blog.
HOW bad do i want it?
a little bad?
a lot bad?
i'm willing to sacrifice whatever-it-takes bad?
Today is Monday. Although technicalists (my word) will tell you the new week begins on Sunday, Monday is my mindset ... and I'm sticking to it. Lying ahead of me is a new week. A new beginning. A new opportunity for choice.
God has this unique way of showing me things through a perspective that makes sense to me (as he does with all of us, but I'm only writing about me here). He finds out-of-the-box ways to push motivation towards me. It's my choice whether or not I grab hold.
I was in my closet and this idea hit me upside the head. Randomly. Well, a God-sort-of-randomosity, anyway.
I've been looking for a way to show myself how my body has changed in just four--yep, JUST 4--short years of marriage. Older photos show me [how] I looked in 2007, but they didn't give me perspective ... a then and now sort of glimpse. Well, this morning, God changed that through a photo idea. Here it is:
The pair of jeans on top are the ones I wore during my first year of marriage. The jeans below them are the ones I wear now ... four years later and 25lbs heavier. Talk about not being able to avoid perspective. This photo leaves zero room for me being able to tell myself, "You haven't changed [that] much". Bull-pucky!
And this is how I looked in my "skinny" jeans:
Although I'm no size 4 and NEVER will be (and I'll never fight to be cuz that's not me), this me is not out of reach and is way more healthy than the current me. I tried the skinny jeans on and could just barely squeeze them over my hips. Don't even ask me about the button and zipper.
This is me now. Obese? No. Overweight? Definitely. Unhealthy? Most importantly!
So, to keep those pairs of jeans from hanging in my kitchen as a morbid reminder of where I am and an extreme motivation of what I need to get back to--cuz it's not really practical hanging jeans on your kitchen wall--I'm gonna get that sucker printed and put 1 copy on my fridge door, 1 in my closet, 1 in the pantry, 1 in my bedroom (by the workout DVD's) and 1 in my wallet ... for all those times when I want to indulge myself when away from mi casa.
Yesterday I jotted down a note from this weekend's message: "Truth REQUIRES Responsibility". Once you have the truth it's your choice what you do with it, but God [never] reveals truth for us to turn a blind eye and a deaf ear ... or relax on our couch and feed our faces when our bathroom scale continues to climb.
This truth? I've been lazy and indulgent. [Age has played its part, there's no doubt about that, but many have come up against age and won the war. My battle is no different.] Neither of these attributes are found listed in the fruits of the Spirit or spoken when referencing Jesus, which means (to me) that I've disrespected my God by disrespecting the body He gave me. No condemnation. Just conviction. It's my responsibility to take care of what He gave me.
If I was [this] lazy with my marriage, I'd be divorced. If I was [this] lazy as a parent, I'd have rebellious, out of control kids. Both are given to me by God to take care of. What gave me the right to remove [my body] from that list?
LAZINESS & INDULGENCE ... that's what!
God gave me an idea to take a photo that would (finally) reveal the unavoidable truth. I'm not whining about it. I'm happy He did it. Cuz He knows how to motivate me.
HOW bad do i want it?
a little bad?
a lot bad?
i'm willing to sacrifice whatever-it-takes bad?
Today is Monday. Although technicalists (my word) will tell you the new week begins on Sunday, Monday is my mindset ... and I'm sticking to it. Lying ahead of me is a new week. A new beginning. A new opportunity for choice.
God has this unique way of showing me things through a perspective that makes sense to me (as he does with all of us, but I'm only writing about me here). He finds out-of-the-box ways to push motivation towards me. It's my choice whether or not I grab hold.
I was in my closet and this idea hit me upside the head. Randomly. Well, a God-sort-of-randomosity, anyway.
I've been looking for a way to show myself how my body has changed in just four--yep, JUST 4--short years of marriage. Older photos show me [how] I looked in 2007, but they didn't give me perspective ... a then and now sort of glimpse. Well, this morning, God changed that through a photo idea. Here it is:
Jeans: Then and Now!
The pair of jeans on top are the ones I wore during my first year of marriage. The jeans below them are the ones I wear now ... four years later and 25lbs heavier. Talk about not being able to avoid perspective. This photo leaves zero room for me being able to tell myself, "You haven't changed [that] much". Bull-pucky!
And this is how I looked in my "skinny" jeans:
Although I'm no size 4 and NEVER will be (and I'll never fight to be cuz that's not me), this me is not out of reach and is way more healthy than the current me. I tried the skinny jeans on and could just barely squeeze them over my hips. Don't even ask me about the button and zipper.
This is me now. Obese? No. Overweight? Definitely. Unhealthy? Most importantly!
No glitz. No glamour. Just real life.
Done up and still can't hide it.
So, to keep those pairs of jeans from hanging in my kitchen as a morbid reminder of where I am and an extreme motivation of what I need to get back to--cuz it's not really practical hanging jeans on your kitchen wall--I'm gonna get that sucker printed and put 1 copy on my fridge door, 1 in my closet, 1 in the pantry, 1 in my bedroom (by the workout DVD's) and 1 in my wallet ... for all those times when I want to indulge myself when away from mi casa.
Yesterday I jotted down a note from this weekend's message: "Truth REQUIRES Responsibility". Once you have the truth it's your choice what you do with it, but God [never] reveals truth for us to turn a blind eye and a deaf ear ... or relax on our couch and feed our faces when our bathroom scale continues to climb.
This truth? I've been lazy and indulgent. [Age has played its part, there's no doubt about that, but many have come up against age and won the war. My battle is no different.] Neither of these attributes are found listed in the fruits of the Spirit or spoken when referencing Jesus, which means (to me) that I've disrespected my God by disrespecting the body He gave me. No condemnation. Just conviction. It's my responsibility to take care of what He gave me.
If I was [this] lazy with my marriage, I'd be divorced. If I was [this] lazy as a parent, I'd have rebellious, out of control kids. Both are given to me by God to take care of. What gave me the right to remove [my body] from that list?
LAZINESS & INDULGENCE ... that's what!
God gave me an idea to take a photo that would (finally) reveal the unavoidable truth. I'm not whining about it. I'm happy He did it. Cuz He knows how to motivate me.
Friday, July 15, 2011
The PROMISEd Land
I have so much I want to write about. So much I would I could shout from the rooftops. But I can't. I will just blog today that God is moving. He's been unveiling His plans "to prosper us; plans to give us a hope and a future" and changes are on the horizon.
God gave us a promise for this year [Isaiah 43:16-21] and with each passing month He's been faithful to that promise in various ways. Read my recent blog about that here.
And now, God is revealing HIS PROMISEd land. The promised land is different for everyone, depending on His plan and purpose for the lives of His children.
He told us to "Be alert! Be present! For I am about to do something brand-new. Don't you see it bursting out?"
All things in God's time.
God gave us a promise for this year [Isaiah 43:16-21] and with each passing month He's been faithful to that promise in various ways. Read my recent blog about that here.
And now, God is revealing HIS PROMISEd land. The promised land is different for everyone, depending on His plan and purpose for the lives of His children.
He told us to "Be alert! Be present! For I am about to do something brand-new. Don't you see it bursting out?"
All things in God's time.
Friday, July 1, 2011
Looking Backwards and Forwards on 2011
It's July 1st. That means that one-half of this year, 2011, is already over. That's crazy to me. To be completely cliche' ... where did the time go?
I love time markers, although I haven't always been this way. The usual suspects never passed me by--birthdays and anniversaries--but I find myself now being much more aware of time than I ever was. A sign of getting older? Maybe. Possibly. [probably]. Whatever the reason, my life is now marked by many more things like seasons, holidays, and even this ... one-half of a year gone (to the day).
Maybe the fact that half of my life is behind me (give or take a few years?) propels me towards taking inventory of the events that are in my rear-view mirror and those that sit out in front of me. Whatever the reason, today is July 1st. You know what that means? One-half of this year is already over. ;)
Back in December God gave me a promise for Anthony and I (and our family) for 2011:
"Forget about what's happened; don't keep going over old history. Be alert, be present. I'm about to do something brand-new. It's bursting out! Don't you see it? There it is! I'm making a road through the desert and rivers in the badlands."
~ Isaiah 43:16-21 [The Message]
Back then I vowed to memorize it and speak it over every situation, over every obstacle, over every fulfillment. Needless to say that hasn't quite happened, and it's unfortunate that I can state that there are times when I down right forgot about this promise in the midst of turmoil or selfish moments. But I'm so thankful, even as I write this, that the God I love and serve is much more giving than my selfish moments and more faithful than my faithless moments.
"Forget about what's happened; don't keep going over old history", He says to me.
Hmmm, I think back to Pink Impact and realize that He paved the way for this in my marriage. He made a way for me to humble myself before my husband, ask forgiveness for all I had held onto, and then vow to move forward with the past behind us. Craftily, the enemy of my soul constantly tries to remind me of what I chose to leave behind, and I haven't always been successful at not taking the past back and throwing it at my husband. BUT, my moments in the past are far outweighed by my choices to live in the present. All Glory to my God for this success because it only comes from His power working in me.
"Be alert. Be present.", He implores me.
This is my choice, and He didn't just speak it over my marriage but over all of my life ... parenting, finances, relationships, etc. Going back to this passage throughout the past six months has kept me believing in and hoping for God's best for me and my family. Every day is a choice to walk in His promise or wallow in my homemade pool of what if's and but why's.
"I'm about to do something brand-new!", He exclaims with great fervor.
He so meant this that on {1.1.11}, the very first day of the new year, He provided FREE smart phones for the kids and I, after years of me sometimes waiting patiently and sometimes whining like a 5-year-old kid.
With a payroll change that I thought was going to devastate us financially, I'm convinced He treated our income like the five loaves of fish. Even though I was diligent about most every $, Anthony's paychecks seemed to go further than they did when each check was larger than it is now. We haven't struggled and we've never gotten to the end of a pay period to find an empty bank account.
Teighlor auditioned for her very first theater play and got a part! He opened up a brand-new door for her and lit a new fire in her belly. I am excited to see what the remainder of this year holds for her. Another play? I hope so for her.
In February I revealed my true heart for the first time in two years. That confession sent me on a two month journey that had me questioning everything I knew or believed about love and ended in April with a SUPERnatural outpouring of heavenly love straight to my [new] little, pink heart. It was my Ezekiel 36:26 moment and it changed everything about me. *I would link to a blog post about this but I realized that I neglected writing about it because it came at the same time that Heather's battle with cancer came to an end. I still have all my notes, so I am going to make time to get it all down. I promise myself!
Speaking of Heather, although I am hesitant to write when hearts are still on the uphill of healing, He did make her brand new; though not through an earthly healing as we had all prayed for, but by giving her a new body altogether. This falls in line with what newness He revealed to me at Pink Impact: we don't view {life} the way He does. We're so earthly bound, but {life} to Him is not just about the time He gives us in our human bodies but, more importantly, the {LIFE} He has waiting for us in His presence. One day we will truly understand this, but for now we war with our hearts and minds through the process of grief and loss.
Alec and Baseball. They are two words that are linked together like best friends. And in the first half of this year, God provided Alec with two opportunities to play ball like he never has before. First, Alec made the Birdville High School summer team, beating out 25 other players even though he'd missed the first tryout, never played select ball like most of the other players and the coaches only saw him for a total of 3 hours. Second, he was asked to fill in for vacationing players on a select team that was made up of mostly All Stars he had played with previously. Those were two exhausting and baseball filled weekends, but they brought out a level of skill in Alec's play that we didn't even know existed. He had played "down" for many years because of having to play rec level ball, but God gave us a glimpse at the talent Alec has and it was some pretty ball to watch. God gave Alec baseball for a reason; shoot, probably more reasons than we even understand. He has always given Alec incredible favor with coaches and this year God continues to shower Alec with baseball favor!
Speaking of favor, I can't overlook the financial favor He poured out by providing airline tickets (through Marg's best friend, Kelli) for two trips to California--once to say good-bye to Heather and then to come back to be with family for her service. I still shake my head at the generosity of a family who knew of us (Coli and I) but had never met us. And I will be FOREVER thankful and grateful for the memories and moments that were allowed to become part of my heart due to God speaking and one of His children listening and obeying. I pray this lesson into my heart every time I think of it.
Pink Impact. There were so many moments of newness there. To start with, it was my first-ever Gateway women's conference and God showed up like crazy. As in my earlier promise to myself, I will get these moments out of my notebook and into my blog ... sometime in the very near future.
I will mention just one more "new" (in code, for now). A few weeks ago God showed us that He is the King of Opportunity and can change the course of a future with one phone call or over a cup of coffee at Starbucks. I can't say more right now except that as time has progressed the opportunity is looking brighter, bigger and more possible with each cup of coffee.
I know there are many other [smaller] moments, not less significant moments, that I just don't have time to mention, but these are the highlights I need to have here.
I love time markers, although I haven't always been this way. The usual suspects never passed me by--birthdays and anniversaries--but I find myself now being much more aware of time than I ever was. A sign of getting older? Maybe. Possibly. [probably]. Whatever the reason, my life is now marked by many more things like seasons, holidays, and even this ... one-half of a year gone (to the day).
Maybe the fact that half of my life is behind me (give or take a few years?) propels me towards taking inventory of the events that are in my rear-view mirror and those that sit out in front of me. Whatever the reason, today is July 1st. You know what that means? One-half of this year is already over. ;)
Back in December God gave me a promise for Anthony and I (and our family) for 2011:
This is what God says, the God who builds a road right through the ocean, who carves a path through pounding waves.
The God who summons horses and chariots and armies—they lie down and then can't get up; they're snuffed out like so many candles:"Forget about what's happened; don't keep going over old history. Be alert, be present. I'm about to do something brand-new. It's bursting out! Don't you see it? There it is! I'm making a road through the desert and rivers in the badlands."
~ Isaiah 43:16-21 [The Message]
Back then I vowed to memorize it and speak it over every situation, over every obstacle, over every fulfillment. Needless to say that hasn't quite happened, and it's unfortunate that I can state that there are times when I down right forgot about this promise in the midst of turmoil or selfish moments. But I'm so thankful, even as I write this, that the God I love and serve is much more giving than my selfish moments and more faithful than my faithless moments.
"Forget about what's happened; don't keep going over old history", He says to me.
Hmmm, I think back to Pink Impact and realize that He paved the way for this in my marriage. He made a way for me to humble myself before my husband, ask forgiveness for all I had held onto, and then vow to move forward with the past behind us. Craftily, the enemy of my soul constantly tries to remind me of what I chose to leave behind, and I haven't always been successful at not taking the past back and throwing it at my husband. BUT, my moments in the past are far outweighed by my choices to live in the present. All Glory to my God for this success because it only comes from His power working in me.
"Be alert. Be present.", He implores me.
This is my choice, and He didn't just speak it over my marriage but over all of my life ... parenting, finances, relationships, etc. Going back to this passage throughout the past six months has kept me believing in and hoping for God's best for me and my family. Every day is a choice to walk in His promise or wallow in my homemade pool of what if's and but why's.
"I'm about to do something brand-new!", He exclaims with great fervor.
He so meant this that on {1.1.11}, the very first day of the new year, He provided FREE smart phones for the kids and I, after years of me sometimes waiting patiently and sometimes whining like a 5-year-old kid.
With a payroll change that I thought was going to devastate us financially, I'm convinced He treated our income like the five loaves of fish. Even though I was diligent about most every $, Anthony's paychecks seemed to go further than they did when each check was larger than it is now. We haven't struggled and we've never gotten to the end of a pay period to find an empty bank account.
Teighlor auditioned for her very first theater play and got a part! He opened up a brand-new door for her and lit a new fire in her belly. I am excited to see what the remainder of this year holds for her. Another play? I hope so for her.
In February I revealed my true heart for the first time in two years. That confession sent me on a two month journey that had me questioning everything I knew or believed about love and ended in April with a SUPERnatural outpouring of heavenly love straight to my [new] little, pink heart. It was my Ezekiel 36:26 moment and it changed everything about me. *I would link to a blog post about this but I realized that I neglected writing about it because it came at the same time that Heather's battle with cancer came to an end. I still have all my notes, so I am going to make time to get it all down. I promise myself!
Speaking of Heather, although I am hesitant to write when hearts are still on the uphill of healing, He did make her brand new; though not through an earthly healing as we had all prayed for, but by giving her a new body altogether. This falls in line with what newness He revealed to me at Pink Impact: we don't view {life} the way He does. We're so earthly bound, but {life} to Him is not just about the time He gives us in our human bodies but, more importantly, the {LIFE} He has waiting for us in His presence. One day we will truly understand this, but for now we war with our hearts and minds through the process of grief and loss.
Alec and Baseball. They are two words that are linked together like best friends. And in the first half of this year, God provided Alec with two opportunities to play ball like he never has before. First, Alec made the Birdville High School summer team, beating out 25 other players even though he'd missed the first tryout, never played select ball like most of the other players and the coaches only saw him for a total of 3 hours. Second, he was asked to fill in for vacationing players on a select team that was made up of mostly All Stars he had played with previously. Those were two exhausting and baseball filled weekends, but they brought out a level of skill in Alec's play that we didn't even know existed. He had played "down" for many years because of having to play rec level ball, but God gave us a glimpse at the talent Alec has and it was some pretty ball to watch. God gave Alec baseball for a reason; shoot, probably more reasons than we even understand. He has always given Alec incredible favor with coaches and this year God continues to shower Alec with baseball favor!
Speaking of favor, I can't overlook the financial favor He poured out by providing airline tickets (through Marg's best friend, Kelli) for two trips to California--once to say good-bye to Heather and then to come back to be with family for her service. I still shake my head at the generosity of a family who knew of us (Coli and I) but had never met us. And I will be FOREVER thankful and grateful for the memories and moments that were allowed to become part of my heart due to God speaking and one of His children listening and obeying. I pray this lesson into my heart every time I think of it.
Pink Impact. There were so many moments of newness there. To start with, it was my first-ever Gateway women's conference and God showed up like crazy. As in my earlier promise to myself, I will get these moments out of my notebook and into my blog ... sometime in the very near future.
I will mention just one more "new" (in code, for now). A few weeks ago God showed us that He is the King of Opportunity and can change the course of a future with one phone call or over a cup of coffee at Starbucks. I can't say more right now except that as time has progressed the opportunity is looking brighter, bigger and more possible with each cup of coffee.
I know there are many other [smaller] moments, not less significant moments, that I just don't have time to mention, but these are the highlights I need to have here.
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