Yesterday afternoon I was “ambushed” by my SisNBff and whisked away to Lifetime Fitness to spend some much-needed, quality talk-time with her. I was treated to a couple hours of pure relaxation with her as we made our way from the eucalyptus sauna, to the wading pool, to the jacuzzi, to the wading pool again, and then back to the sauna for one last blast of steam to soothe our souls. All the while, we did what God created us for... we laid our hearts out to one another in complete honesty and trusted fellowship.
Over the past 6 years God has intertwined our lives in ways that neither one of us would have ever believed had someone told us before-hand the paths our lives would take together. Through those years, our friendship has grown into something that I don’t believe is easily duplicated - if at all. We have a unique relationship that transcends traditional friendships; a bond that is cemented by our relationships with Jesus. This relationship is the very core of who we are to each other, and because of that, we trust that our hearts, our thoughts, our struggles and our joys are safe to share. I am beyond blessed to have this friendship, and I know she feels the same.
During our conversation we shared things that were hard to talk about; things that exposed struggles and temptations. Yes, we are both Christians, and we have an incredible ability to push one another toward the deeper things of Christ, but - alas - we are still human. In our humanity we sin, we are tempted, we fall and we make unwise choices. But - BUT - we know, in the end, that our God has given us relationships to help us get back up and move forward when we feel like we can’t do it on our own; and more often than not... we can’t.
Here’s the catch: the relationships that we are blessed with are only useful if - drum roll, please - WE USE THEM!
What good is family and friendship if we don’t call on the very ones we love when we’re in trouble?
,
Why do we feel the need to hide away, behind our four walls, so that we can pretend that our lives are just as good as those lives we are hiding from? ... lives of people who are probably doing the same thing we are - hiding!
Why have we believed the lie from the enemy that if we actually tell someone what is going - the real truth, the real struggles, the real temptations, the real dirt - that it will only be used against us? that the dirt will only become fodder for nothing other than gossipy conversations? that prayer won’t actually take place?
Have we blown it too many times that the trust needed to share just isn’t there anymore? Or is it a matter of pride, or shame, or guilt, or condemnation that keeps us wrapped up tightly in our cocoon of false security?
Trust me when I tell you that I am not pointing my finger at you in my ramblings - for if I were, three would be pointing right back at me. Quite frankly, my heart is heavy today with a burden of questions that I simply cannot answer.
Wednesday, January 30, 2008
Saturday, January 26, 2008
Time
Throughout the month of January, I have been listening to and reading a daily devotion written by various members of our church - staff and lay-people alike. The devotional (titled FIRST) was written and distributed via CD's (so you could listen) and a book (so you could read), for the entire month of January. This was done in conjunction with a 10 day, church-wide fast that began on January 1st, along with a message series called "First". The basic premise is to focus on putting God first in all - really, ALL - areas of your life. One of the areas where God really challenged me dealt with time. I've been horrible at getting up and giving my morning to Him because... well, I'm not a morning person. I know... you're all in "shock and awe"! I can't count how many times I've prayed, "Starting tomorrow I'm getting up and giving You my time in the morning.” Tomorrow always came, and I always still found myself sleeping through those early hours. But, there was always tomorrow! :)
Well, like God is so capable of doing, He found away around my inability to rise early - He provided Anthony with a work position that required him to be out the door - not just up, but out the door - during my most coveted hour of sleep... between 7 and 8 a.m. You may ask, "How does that affect you?" The answer is simple. Since I am blessed with the ability to be a stay-at-home wife and mom and home school teacher, it would be completely selfish of me to sleep the morning away while Anthony's up and running by 6:45 each weekday. After all, we're going to bed at the same time, and I have the privilege of not having to commute to my job, so why shouldn't I be up at the same time as my husband?
So, starting January 2nd, I began waking up with Anthony - except while he got ready for work, I slumbered out to the kitchen to make breakfast so we could have a few morning minutes together to eat, read our morning devotion and pray before he left for the day. Let me tell you, that first week - okay! the first 2 weeks - were difficult, to say the least. My body was not the slightest bit happy to be up before 7 a.m., let alone have to be functioning enough to make breakfast and read! I quickly realized just how spoiled I had been with Anthony working from home. But there's a silver lining in this cloud of alarm-clocked reality. I also realized just how loved I was by God when He spoke to me one morning and whispered, "Your face was among the many I saw the day I created the coffee bean!"
And now, after almost one month of rising early, I have come to cherish my morning time. Anthony is usually out the door by 7:30 a.m. That's when my time with God starts. My iPod is on for a time of worship, I read through other devotions that I've come to love, I open my Bible to see what God wants to say to me each morning and I pray. I usually have an hour - sometimes a bit more - before I wake the kids up to start their day. My body has adjusted - more easily than I thought - to being up before the sun.
Yesterday morning Anthony woke up with a pounding headache, feeling achy, fatigued, and nauseous - one of those "hit ya quickly" kind of bugs. He decided early on that it was going to be a day of rest for him and no work. It was about 7:15 a.m. when he woke up and told me he wasn't going in to work. My first thought was that I could sleep in, but by 7:20 a.m. my mind was thinking about my morning time with God. I slipped out of bed, came to the kitchen, put on some coffee and sat at the table to have my quiet time. I smiled as I realized the difference 4 weeks had made. A month ago, I would have easily gone back to sleep without another thought. And now, instead of being spoiled with sleep, I'm spoiled by God!
Today I listened to a devotion written by a pastor at Gateway, Marcus Brecheen, who has become a significant and treasured part of both mine and Anthony's lives. I first met him last February at a Prayer and Prophesy night held at my first church here in Texas - Valley Creek Church. He spoke words of prophesy over me that night, which I wrote down and still have today. Then he was the man Anthony and I sat in front of twice for some "adapting to marriage counseling" about 6 months ago. Since that time, Anthony and I have kept a steady schedule of emails, phone calls and lunch dates with him. He went from being a pastor at Gateway to a cherished friend of ours and a mentor to Anthony.
All that to say, this morning's devotion is a great reminder of the need - and challenge - to purposely consider time.
Regardless of what day of the week this is, today you have 1,440 minutes. The chronos of this day will tick by regardless of what else happens. But the kairos is up to you. At the end of the day, it all comes down to this: did you kairos during the chronos? Did you notice the sacred things in the midst of the common? God will make sure they are all around you. Ask Him to show you. (MB)
Well, like God is so capable of doing, He found away around my inability to rise early - He provided Anthony with a work position that required him to be out the door - not just up, but out the door - during my most coveted hour of sleep... between 7 and 8 a.m. You may ask, "How does that affect you?" The answer is simple. Since I am blessed with the ability to be a stay-at-home wife and mom and home school teacher, it would be completely selfish of me to sleep the morning away while Anthony's up and running by 6:45 each weekday. After all, we're going to bed at the same time, and I have the privilege of not having to commute to my job, so why shouldn't I be up at the same time as my husband?
So, starting January 2nd, I began waking up with Anthony - except while he got ready for work, I slumbered out to the kitchen to make breakfast so we could have a few morning minutes together to eat, read our morning devotion and pray before he left for the day. Let me tell you, that first week - okay! the first 2 weeks - were difficult, to say the least. My body was not the slightest bit happy to be up before 7 a.m., let alone have to be functioning enough to make breakfast and read! I quickly realized just how spoiled I had been with Anthony working from home. But there's a silver lining in this cloud of alarm-clocked reality. I also realized just how loved I was by God when He spoke to me one morning and whispered, "Your face was among the many I saw the day I created the coffee bean!"
And now, after almost one month of rising early, I have come to cherish my morning time. Anthony is usually out the door by 7:30 a.m. That's when my time with God starts. My iPod is on for a time of worship, I read through other devotions that I've come to love, I open my Bible to see what God wants to say to me each morning and I pray. I usually have an hour - sometimes a bit more - before I wake the kids up to start their day. My body has adjusted - more easily than I thought - to being up before the sun.
Yesterday morning Anthony woke up with a pounding headache, feeling achy, fatigued, and nauseous - one of those "hit ya quickly" kind of bugs. He decided early on that it was going to be a day of rest for him and no work. It was about 7:15 a.m. when he woke up and told me he wasn't going in to work. My first thought was that I could sleep in, but by 7:20 a.m. my mind was thinking about my morning time with God. I slipped out of bed, came to the kitchen, put on some coffee and sat at the table to have my quiet time. I smiled as I realized the difference 4 weeks had made. A month ago, I would have easily gone back to sleep without another thought. And now, instead of being spoiled with sleep, I'm spoiled by God!
Today I listened to a devotion written by a pastor at Gateway, Marcus Brecheen, who has become a significant and treasured part of both mine and Anthony's lives. I first met him last February at a Prayer and Prophesy night held at my first church here in Texas - Valley Creek Church. He spoke words of prophesy over me that night, which I wrote down and still have today. Then he was the man Anthony and I sat in front of twice for some "adapting to marriage counseling" about 6 months ago. Since that time, Anthony and I have kept a steady schedule of emails, phone calls and lunch dates with him. He went from being a pastor at Gateway to a cherished friend of ours and a mentor to Anthony.
All that to say, this morning's devotion is a great reminder of the need - and challenge - to purposely consider time.
Regardless of what day of the week this is, today you have 1,440 minutes. The chronos of this day will tick by regardless of what else happens. But the kairos is up to you. At the end of the day, it all comes down to this: did you kairos during the chronos? Did you notice the sacred things in the midst of the common? God will make sure they are all around you. Ask Him to show you. (MB)
Wednesday, December 26, 2007
And So It Ends...
So, Christmas and the season that surrounds it, has come and gone. Soon, the crispy Christmas tree will come down, the decorations will get packed away and the house will be returned to its normal state. Isn’t it ironic how ‘bare’ the house seems after the Christmas decorations are taken down? Why is it that it takes a couple weeks for us to adjust to our homes again - post Christmas season - when it’s how they look all year long?
Personally, even though I look forward to Christmas and all that it brings, I am eager to move on. I’m eager to have my living room consist of more than a Christmas tree; I’m eager to listen to music that can’t be described as a ‘carol’; and I’m eager to return this ‘department store wrapping area’ back to my bedroom.
But, I will cherish all of the memories that were made, and I will smile when I think back on the moments that made this Christmas season special. A few of my favorites...
The spontaneity of buying our Christmas tree - 2 weeks too early - and freezing as we stood in the Home Depot nursery trying to decide between the ‘normal’ 5-6 ft. tree and the ‘bigger is always better’ 8-9 ft. tree. Bigger and better won out.
Decorating the tree - a week later - while Christmas music played in the background, the aroma of hot chocolate filled the air, and kids focused their attention on filling one-third of the tree with ornaments... the front-center portion.
Walking through the Gaylord Texan and being treated to Christmas done the Texas way... BIGGER! We also managed to get some cute pictures of the family, which is always a bonus.
Attending our very first tree lighting ceremony and being wonderfully amazed at how many times the name of Jesus was used and getting the privilege of bowing our heads in prayer as the Mayor led us all in a Christmas prayer. You wouldn’t see that happen in California.
Baking Christmas cookies on Christmas Eve and watching Teighlor and Marian engage in a flour fight when it was time to clean up.
Having Jason and Coli join us for a few hours on Christmas Eve and laughing at Coli’s inability to have the kids wait until Christmas morning to open the gifts her and J brought with them. I have a feeling their kids will be treated to Christmas Eve unwrapping because SHE won’t be able to wait until Christmas morning!
Celebrating old traditions - like the Happy Birthday Jesus cake - and making new ones... Coli and Jason are now OBLIGATED to bring gifts for the kids on Christmas Eve! LOL!
Playing jacks with Coli! No further explanation is needed.
Twister... who knew our family was so bendable?
Being able to buy a Christmas present for my Husband. I’ve waited for that moment for a long time.
And last but not least, having a ‘complete’ family - notice I didn’t just use the word family - to wake up with on Christmas morning.
These are just a smidgen of the memories that I’ve tucked away from Christmas 2007.
Personally, even though I look forward to Christmas and all that it brings, I am eager to move on. I’m eager to have my living room consist of more than a Christmas tree; I’m eager to listen to music that can’t be described as a ‘carol’; and I’m eager to return this ‘department store wrapping area’ back to my bedroom.
But, I will cherish all of the memories that were made, and I will smile when I think back on the moments that made this Christmas season special. A few of my favorites...
The spontaneity of buying our Christmas tree - 2 weeks too early - and freezing as we stood in the Home Depot nursery trying to decide between the ‘normal’ 5-6 ft. tree and the ‘bigger is always better’ 8-9 ft. tree. Bigger and better won out.
Decorating the tree - a week later - while Christmas music played in the background, the aroma of hot chocolate filled the air, and kids focused their attention on filling one-third of the tree with ornaments... the front-center portion.
Walking through the Gaylord Texan and being treated to Christmas done the Texas way... BIGGER! We also managed to get some cute pictures of the family, which is always a bonus.
Attending our very first tree lighting ceremony and being wonderfully amazed at how many times the name of Jesus was used and getting the privilege of bowing our heads in prayer as the Mayor led us all in a Christmas prayer. You wouldn’t see that happen in California.
Baking Christmas cookies on Christmas Eve and watching Teighlor and Marian engage in a flour fight when it was time to clean up.
Having Jason and Coli join us for a few hours on Christmas Eve and laughing at Coli’s inability to have the kids wait until Christmas morning to open the gifts her and J brought with them. I have a feeling their kids will be treated to Christmas Eve unwrapping because SHE won’t be able to wait until Christmas morning!
Celebrating old traditions - like the Happy Birthday Jesus cake - and making new ones... Coli and Jason are now OBLIGATED to bring gifts for the kids on Christmas Eve! LOL!
Playing jacks with Coli! No further explanation is needed.
Twister... who knew our family was so bendable?
Being able to buy a Christmas present for my Husband. I’ve waited for that moment for a long time.
And last but not least, having a ‘complete’ family - notice I didn’t just use the word family - to wake up with on Christmas morning.
These are just a smidgen of the memories that I’ve tucked away from Christmas 2007.
Saturday, December 1, 2007
Beyond the Veil
About a month ago, Anthony, Teighlor, Alec and I attended a Friday night event at Gateway called Beyond The Veil. This special service was designed to teach about the temple of the Old Testament and how the why’s and what’s that went into the physical structure can be lived out today in our worship/prayer lives. It was a three hour service that felt like it went by in one - even to the kids.
The night was one I’ve never experienced before, and it was a night filled with the Holy Spirit. This movie (that’s played on the welcome page of my site) was created by Gateway specifically for Beyond The Veil. It is the most impacting video I’ve seen regarding prayer... “the incense of the saints”... and it encompasses the power of that night.
For several years now God has been opening me up to and letting me experience and partake in the gifts of the Spirit. My walk with Him has never been deeper than it is today and much of that is because I know Him and the Holy Spirit in ways I didn’t just 5 years ago.
I have, for a long time, yearned to be given the gift of tongues... my prayer language. I knew as a young adult that my main spiritual gift was the gift of intercession/prayer. I’ve never felt closer or more connected to the heart of my Father than when I am in prayer. There are many people I know who have been given their prayer language, and I wanted a deeper intimacy in my prayer life that I believed I could get if my spirit could - at times when my heart couldn’t - pray for me.
Although I’ve wanted this gift, I’ve also been a wee-bit afraid - faithless? - in truly asking for it. I’ve always wondered what it would “feel” like to pray in a language I didn’t know; to have my tongue speak a language I’ve never learned or probably ever heard. There have been a handful of times when I was deep in prayer, when I felt the manifest presence of the Holy Spirit and prayed to receive the gift of tongues. Two separate times I felt this power (for lack of a better word) build up in me and intuitively knew that the Holy Spirit was going to give me my prayer language. Both times I got just to the point where I knew if I simply opened my mouth and began to pray out loud that I would not be speaking English. And then I was overcome with doubt and literally pulled myself out of the moment; the same way you can imagine pulling yourself out of a dream.
At about the 2 hour mark during Beyond The Veil, we were taught about the Holy of Holies and the prayers that were offered up inside the sacred place. We were in intense worship and prayer at this point, and the Pastor who oversees the Prayer/Intercession Ministry came to prayer over those in attendance. Her ‘job’ was to pray for an outpouring of the Holy Spirit as it concerns the gifts, and I was in a place spiritually where doubt and fear weren’t even on my radar. I prayed the most sincere prayer to receive my prayer language - no more doubting - and the Holy Spirit answered.
Like before, I felt this power build up in me but this time it was quicker and more intense. My tongue felt different - kind of thick and heavy. This time though, there was no backing out for me. I opened my mouth and began to praise God. It was intense and heavy worship. And then I simply let the Holy Spirit bring forth my gift. My tongue spoke in a language that I didn’t understand yet it felt so natural, like I had known it all my life. The words felt different coming off my tongue - I remember that distinctly. More importantly, I remember feeling overwhelmed with gratitude, praise, excitement and wonder as I realized that the Holy Spirit had chosen to anoint me that very night with one of His gifts.
Since that night I have purposed to use this gift as I’ve been in my prayer closet - no really, I literally pray in my closet because it’s my very own space (and quite a good size) where I can retreat to. I do not know why the Spirit waited or even chose this particular night to gift me with my prayer language, but I hope that this may encourage you. If you have been praying and longing for any special gifts of the Holy Spirit, don’t quit asking - and don’t do like I did... deny the gift out of doubt or fear. Go before the throne of God with boldness and courage!
The night was one I’ve never experienced before, and it was a night filled with the Holy Spirit. This movie (that’s played on the welcome page of my site) was created by Gateway specifically for Beyond The Veil. It is the most impacting video I’ve seen regarding prayer... “the incense of the saints”... and it encompasses the power of that night.
For several years now God has been opening me up to and letting me experience and partake in the gifts of the Spirit. My walk with Him has never been deeper than it is today and much of that is because I know Him and the Holy Spirit in ways I didn’t just 5 years ago.
I have, for a long time, yearned to be given the gift of tongues... my prayer language. I knew as a young adult that my main spiritual gift was the gift of intercession/prayer. I’ve never felt closer or more connected to the heart of my Father than when I am in prayer. There are many people I know who have been given their prayer language, and I wanted a deeper intimacy in my prayer life that I believed I could get if my spirit could - at times when my heart couldn’t - pray for me.
Although I’ve wanted this gift, I’ve also been a wee-bit afraid - faithless? - in truly asking for it. I’ve always wondered what it would “feel” like to pray in a language I didn’t know; to have my tongue speak a language I’ve never learned or probably ever heard. There have been a handful of times when I was deep in prayer, when I felt the manifest presence of the Holy Spirit and prayed to receive the gift of tongues. Two separate times I felt this power (for lack of a better word) build up in me and intuitively knew that the Holy Spirit was going to give me my prayer language. Both times I got just to the point where I knew if I simply opened my mouth and began to pray out loud that I would not be speaking English. And then I was overcome with doubt and literally pulled myself out of the moment; the same way you can imagine pulling yourself out of a dream.
At about the 2 hour mark during Beyond The Veil, we were taught about the Holy of Holies and the prayers that were offered up inside the sacred place. We were in intense worship and prayer at this point, and the Pastor who oversees the Prayer/Intercession Ministry came to prayer over those in attendance. Her ‘job’ was to pray for an outpouring of the Holy Spirit as it concerns the gifts, and I was in a place spiritually where doubt and fear weren’t even on my radar. I prayed the most sincere prayer to receive my prayer language - no more doubting - and the Holy Spirit answered.
Like before, I felt this power build up in me but this time it was quicker and more intense. My tongue felt different - kind of thick and heavy. This time though, there was no backing out for me. I opened my mouth and began to praise God. It was intense and heavy worship. And then I simply let the Holy Spirit bring forth my gift. My tongue spoke in a language that I didn’t understand yet it felt so natural, like I had known it all my life. The words felt different coming off my tongue - I remember that distinctly. More importantly, I remember feeling overwhelmed with gratitude, praise, excitement and wonder as I realized that the Holy Spirit had chosen to anoint me that very night with one of His gifts.
Since that night I have purposed to use this gift as I’ve been in my prayer closet - no really, I literally pray in my closet because it’s my very own space (and quite a good size) where I can retreat to. I do not know why the Spirit waited or even chose this particular night to gift me with my prayer language, but I hope that this may encourage you. If you have been praying and longing for any special gifts of the Holy Spirit, don’t quit asking - and don’t do like I did... deny the gift out of doubt or fear. Go before the throne of God with boldness and courage!
Thursday, November 22, 2007
Thankful
It’s finally here... Thanksgiving Day! A day when we wake up and immediately start thinking of turkey, potatoes, and pumpkin pie (or pecan pie for those from the mid-west). Some how, some way, our tummies seem to be emptier, hungrier on this day, and sweat pants don’t seem like such a bad option when choosing the attire for the day.
Yet, even though I did wake up - I’ll admit it - thinking about turkey and potatoes and pumpkin pie, I sit here now thinking about “giving thanks”.
I just got off the phone with my family back in California. What a treat it was to be able to catch (almost) everyone at my sister’s house already. In one phone call I got to connect with the people I’m used to spending this holiday with. Instead of allowing myself to be bummed about the fact that we all won’t be together, I’m thankful for the fact that one day - hopefully sooner than later - we’ll be sitting around a Thanksgiving table celebrating together again.
In just a short while, we’ll be trekking over to Coli and J’s house for... turkey, potatoes and pumpkin pie. Although this year will be different, I’m excited that the family that is here will be together and that we get to share this day with others (kids/parents from the Bible study) who wouldn’t necessarily be feasting on the traditional Thanksgiving goodies.
Thank You, LORD, for my many blessings and for your ability to connect hearts that are miles apart.
Yet, even though I did wake up - I’ll admit it - thinking about turkey and potatoes and pumpkin pie, I sit here now thinking about “giving thanks”.
I just got off the phone with my family back in California. What a treat it was to be able to catch (almost) everyone at my sister’s house already. In one phone call I got to connect with the people I’m used to spending this holiday with. Instead of allowing myself to be bummed about the fact that we all won’t be together, I’m thankful for the fact that one day - hopefully sooner than later - we’ll be sitting around a Thanksgiving table celebrating together again.
In just a short while, we’ll be trekking over to Coli and J’s house for... turkey, potatoes and pumpkin pie. Although this year will be different, I’m excited that the family that is here will be together and that we get to share this day with others (kids/parents from the Bible study) who wouldn’t necessarily be feasting on the traditional Thanksgiving goodies.
Thank You, LORD, for my many blessings and for your ability to connect hearts that are miles apart.
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