Six weeks ago I did something out of pure obedience to God's calling: I signed up for a year-long commitment to attend the Titus 2 Women's Group at Gateway. This comment on a friend's blog post gives a glimpse into the reason why I use the term 'pure obedience'.
Three weeks ago I attended my first gathering. I entered somewhat anxious and a bit overwhelmed, hoping that my you-can-do-this smile belied the faster-than-normal beat of my heart. Ninety minutes later, I more than breathed a sigh of relief that I had made it through my first meeting without prematurely bolting; I gave God a mental high five for loving me enough to encourage me [fill me with enough courage] to step out of my comfort zone (my home) and take the first step into our next season together. A season of unknown challenges and growth opportunities that I've never been fearless enough to say 'yes' to in the past; a step closer to living out my destiny and purpose and calling that God has in addition to being a wife, mom and home school teacher.
And you know what? I walked away from that first meeting excited--pumped even--for what God has in store.
Two weeks ago, as I got ready for my second Titus2 Thursday morning, that all too familiar voice began whispering: Are you sure about this? What if you're the only one there sitting alone? What if you're assigned to a small group that doesn't work for you? What if...?
I'm really beginning to develop a nasty distaste for that question--when presented in the negative, of course. It will always remain a part of my favorite Freedom question, "What if it's not?".
Instead of listening further, I shut my ears to fear and doubt and opened my mouth to God declaring my trust and belief over His purposes for this new season. I spoke His truth, even though I hadn't walked it out yet; even if it came strictly from that place in my 'knower' that had faith in Him and His plans to prosper me and not harm me, to give me a future and a hope.
And then He reminds me of a portion of my 2011 Scripture Passage:
"Forget about what's happened; don't keep going over old history.
Be alert, be present. I'm about to do something brand-new. It's bursting out! Don't you see it?" Isaiah 43:18-19
And you know what? Fear and doubt were replaced by an overwhelming peace and a renewed excitement; and a deeper understanding that the only reason I'm being whispered to is because while the enemy doesn't know those plans of God's, his sole desire is to keep me from them no matter what they are. NO MORE, I declare!
Titus 2 is not just about obedience, a new season and destiny, it's just as much about healing. Healing that place in me that fears fellowship with women. That fears stepping out. That fears achieving as much as failing. God is up to something big and daily He's filling me with the courage to say 'yes'.
Today I read a blog by Christine Caine that encouraged me in this daily journey: "Healing is a [daily] process."
And then HolySpirit whispers: So is Destiny. Keep Walking!