Saturday, September 4, 2010

Shock and Awe ... I Mean, Anger

Ok. So I guess I wasn't really prepared for how an apartment floor plan would translate in real life. The floor plan made everything look spacious and easy for downsizing. Real life made me think, "Oh crap. This isn't gonna be as easy as I first thought." 1100 sq. ft. looks very different in person. My first reaction was Shock. Anthony's was Anger. Not the show it kind, but the "I could feel his physical presence change when we walked in the door" kind. I wanted to look at everything, open every drawer, mentally move my furniture into each room. He walked through the place in 3 seconds (ok, it felt like that) and was like, "Okay, Babe. Ready to go?"

So it didn't quite go as planned. Does anything?

There was no arguing afterward. No big fight to get over. I just knew that seeing the size of the apartment felt like a kick in the gut to Anthony, and I half-expected it anyway. He's been vocal about the fact that he doesn't want to go back to an apartment but will if that's what it comes down to. And I? Well, I'm still a little naive, I guess. I've never really lived the true apartment life, with neighbors all around. I've lived in a couple apartments, but I've always been blessed where I lived. No huge complexes. No people above me. And when I did live in apartments in the past, I had much smaller kids and a smaller family as a whole. Really, I'm quite apartment ignorant, you could say. Maybe that's why I'm having an easier time making the mental leap to "just do this", while Anthony is trailing behind because he swore a long time ago, after purchasing his first house, that he'd never go back to an apartment again.

So after the shock wore off and we were given ample time to process our own emotions, we have come back to the place where if this is where we are supposed to dwell for a while, then we will. We've just got to make sure that "this" is God and not just us making the most sense of our circumstances.

I'm still gonna be looking online. I'm still gonna keep my eyes and heart open. This could be home for the next year. Or not.

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