Friday, February 10, 2012

[I AM] encouragement


Last Sunday, Anthony and I attended a meeting at Gateway for Small Group Section/Zone Leaders. The last part of the meeting consisted of the leaders getting in groups just to pray, encourage and prophesy over one another. love.Love.LOVE. times like this!

As we were huddled in circles drawn by chairs and prayers began being lifted up, I felt HolySpirit spark my heart and heard His voice begin speaking. I grabbed my notebook and pen and wrote as fast as the words came. When there came a pause in prayer, I shared this with our group.

These words were God's heart for us and a reminder of [who] He is, and I wanted to share them with you, too. Sometimes, just having our Dad tap us on the shoulder and say, "I AM here", is all we need.

I AM the LORD your God
I go before and behind you
I encircle round about you
There is no place, no crack, that I do not cover
I AM your strength and shield; your strong tower
I AM your peace
I AM your wisdom
I AM your safety
I AM your joy
I AM the answer to your every question
I AM laughter in the midst of your frustration
I AM the eye in the center of your raging storm
I AM your comfort in the lowest place
I AM your all in all
because I AM

Awkward Acceptance

“Do I want my husband to stop seeing me and calling me beautiful? Is that really a question I need to be asked? Apparently.”
i sometimes think you write from the perspective of a fly on the wall of my heart. sometimes i read your words and they [too eerily] tell my story. it is almost unsettling at times. unsettling because you make me face me by surprise. maybe we share heart similarities without even knowing it. hearts that have been used, i’m discovering, are hearts that don’t want to believe in being seen, and adored, and loved … just for who we are. GOD is whispering…
the paragraph that starts with “my husband tells me” was like a page from the story of my life. i understand your discomfort in accepting. and your transparency has caused me to flinch a little. now i know i have to ask the question “why?”. why do i? why don’t i? and then i have to let GOD work out of me to work in me. to let freedom replace awkward acceptance. GOD is whispering…
thank you for your [heart]words.

Monday, February 6, 2012

Gut-Check and Healing

I posted the following to my Facebook page on January 31st so that I could share a story, a moment, of God's power through healing. After reading through the comments I received, I decided I didn't want to lose this moment somewhere on Facebook, so I'm keeping it here ... where it belongs.
Yesterday, Teighlor talked to me about pain she's had in her neck, with almost constant headaches, for the past 2 months. We'd though it was muscular and that she was out of adjustment. We tried massages, different pillows, etc., but nothing worked. Yesterday something didn't sit right with my gut. I was legitimately concerned. So was Teighlor. I knew in my knower, without knowing what, that it was more than a sore muscle. Immediately I heard HolySpirit tell me to take her to the Healing Rooms at Gateway Church last night. They laid hands on her and prayed. The woman felt the "small lump" at the base of her skull when she began praying. Teighlor and this woman both felt intense heat at the spot where she laid her hand during prayer. After prayer, Teighlor's pain (which was constant) was gone and so was the lump! This morning, she woke up with no pain for the first time in 2 months! PRAISE GOD! I don't know [what] He healed, I just know He did! I know what He spoke to me and I believe the gut-check I had was from Him as much as the word He spoke to bring her to the Healing Rooms. He is healer!
[Healing occurred on Monday, January 30, 2012]

Wednesday, February 1, 2012

Grace Breeds Grace

"Grace breeds grace and gives you eyes to see the person, not the offense."

Good Lawd, Ris, you could have just written that sentence and it would have been enough to slay me, but then you followed up with these words:

"It was hard because my heart wanted to hold on to judgment, but God was prodding it towards grace. He almost always wants to do that if we let him."

"Our marriages are living, ever-changing exchanges between two imperfect people that need to daily draw from grace."

I asked HolySpirit this morning to speak into me perspective, because last night I went to bed frustrated and miffed, and in all honesty, woke up that way too.

And then I opened my email and saw the title of this article sitting there, waiting for me. "The.Gracious.Wife." I had to grab a fresh cup of coffee because I just knew I was going to be wooed out of my pity-party and into the wise lap of my Father who understands my emotions, but more importantly, desires to align my heart with His.

Sometimes alignment hurts. Even more so, it's humbling because it requires choice. I can choose grace this morning, or I can choose offense. Oh, how my flesh desires the second choice. But, the Spirit of God ... well, He knows the beauty of grace and sings over me loud enough to cover the grumblings of my selfish soul.

Sunday, January 15, 2012

Reality ... For Reals

As 2011 began to draw to a close, I came across a couple blogs on weight loss that inspired me.

Maybe that's normal because the end of one year usually brings with it many resolutions to lose those unwanted pounds in the new year; resolutions that are hastily broken because they are made with a mob mentality--just jumping on the same weight loss bandwagon with everyone else.

But, I could sense that although I've been part of that resolution mob in years past, something new was stirring. It wasn't just this desire to get my figure back, because I'd experienced before just how far desire will take me. A blog I posted almost 6 months ago shows my desire to be something different, but it didn't result in any behavioral changes.

No, this stirring was more of a knowing that weight loss wasn't going to be my single focus, it was going to become a piece in the pie of learning discipline.

Crystal's yearlong journey to successful weight loss through healthy eating and exercise was the story God used to switch the way I viewed goals, and Angie's quick loss method lead to a piercing realization about the way we can 'choose' to see ourselves. Then this picture showed up on Facebook that was my reality exposed moment.

"Oh, crap! That's what I really look like?"


When someone manages to snap a photo of you with your guard completely down and no awareness to manipulate the pose to look better, it can be real eye-opening. At first, this picture made me angry. Why would anyone purposefully post a photo that is so incredibly unflattering? Wasn't there any other option? But then, as the horror of seeing my 'fattest photo ever' began to subside, I heard the voice that spoke truth-filled love into my soul. "It's time to stop hiding."

I've come to understand that there's a lot more to that statement than I first realized. And that word--Hiding--is the catalyst to another blog I'll soon write.

With a message on gluttony in December, a church-wide 40-day health fast to start the new year, a call to discipline and couple of favorite bloggers' stories tucked into my arsenal, I walked into 2012 with a mindset that was ready to finally tackle the how's and why's of my 30 pound weight gain over the past four years:

  • I memorized my 2012 verse, Hebrews 12:11.
  • I reactivated my SparkPeople account to keep a log of everything I ate and drank so I was fully aware of every calorie choice I made each day.
  • I used Pinterest to find healthy recipes that would deliver flavor in healthy ways.
  • I set my mind on the year's goals ahead of me: lose 36 pounds in 12 months by eating healthy foods, eating more often in smaller portions, consuming water like crazy and exercising at least 5 days per week.
  • I weighed myself on January 1st: 175. (The last time I weighed that much I was 9-months pregnant and checking into the hospital to give birth. That child is now 15 years old.)
  • I got up each day and made purposeful, healthy choices about food.
  • I ate throughout the day in smaller portions.
  • ♫"I. I. I worked out." 
  • Some days exercise was by sheer choice of my will, and other days I found myself looking forward to sweating.

Yesterday morning, a mere 13 days into my eating and exercising plan, I stood on the scale and was elated by the result. I had already lost 6 pounds! The scale read 169. It was the first time in almost 18 months that I had stepped on a scale and had the second number in my weight not start with a '7'.

While a certain number on the scale is not my ultimate goal but rather something to work toward, it still is incredibly motivating to see the result this early on of choosing differently. I am celebrating this small victory in the same way a recovering alcoholic would celebrate his first week of sobriety. Beginning is often the most difficult choice because every journey has to start somewhere, and every battle victory is worthy of recognition.

After all, the battle victories win the war in the end.