I was reading through a random sampling of my past blog posts and 'just so happened' to stop on this one. I'm posting it again because my past words resonate in such a present way. I will be writing more in depth on what the past 6 months have held and all that God has been doing in that time, but for now I'll just leave this here.
FROM "HELP ME" TO "I'LL CHOOSE"
Thursday, May 18, 2006
"Hallelujah... Hallelujah. Whatever's in front of me, help me to sing Hallelujah.
Hallelujah... Hallelujah. Whatever's in front of me, I'll choose to sing Hallelujah"
From the very first time I heard the chorus of this song, I was moved by the simple, yet poignant, transition in the verb usage from the first line to the second. Bethany Dillon very accurately pens in her lyrics the necessary step in moving from asking for the Lord's help in praising Him for whatever lies ahead, to the Believer making a conscious choice to praise the Lord for all that lies ahead in life.
As a Christian, I have access to my awesome God 24/7... and He's always faithful to listen to my prayers and help me. But as I grow in my spiritual maturity and my faith grows deeper, I begin to understand that I have so many choices in life that God can't make for me....
The choice to life joyfully or sorrowfully
The choice to forgive or hold a grudge
The choice to move ahead or fall behind
The choice to live in freedom or stay in bondage
The choice to laugh or cry
The choice to smile or frown
And I have the choice to Praise the Lord (sing Hallelujah) for whatever He allows and purposes in my life or I can blame God and let life defeat me.
What's MY choice?
PS - Today I'm adding a couple choices born out of growth since writing this post 2 years ago...
The choice to bless or curse
The choice to fight or flee
The choice to intercede or stand on the sidelines
The choice to believe or doubt
And still I have the choice the sing Hallelujah
Tuesday, May 20, 2008
Friday, February 1, 2008
Hide & Seek II
Two days ago I lamented about why it is we feel the need to hide as Christians. I was burdened by the weight of a rampant and perpetual lie that the enemy is so successful at getting us to believe and succumb to. I had no answers to these questions at the time of my ramblings - just the heaviness “of the unresolved” resting on my shoulders.
My intent was to publish my blahg and see if someone could provide me with an answer - a balm to soothe my wounds of doubt and frustration. It turns out that God had another plan. My internet was not working so I had no way of putting my thoughts out into the “world wide web” in hope of receiving words of wisdom from someplace other than the confines of my home.
Was it God’s plan to simply (somehow) download the answers to my questions so that my heart could rest contentedly in peace - satisfied and able to move forward because I no longer carried the burden? No. In fact, God didn’t answer my questions at all - well, in a manner of speaking. Instead, He provided a way for the burden to be lifted.
I received a text message that very evening. A friend was in need and reached out for help. That text message lead to 2 hours of phone conversation where the details of a ‘year in the making’ that lead to ‘this moment in time’ were unloaded. And then three hours later another phone call [from this friend] lead to an intense time of prayer that took us late into the night.
In the end, all of my friend’s problems, struggles and temptations were not immediately resolved, but what the Lord did was prepare the way for his victory to be fulfilled and His glory to be praised.
I sit here this morning understanding that the questions I asked on Wednesday really don’t need answers. I simply need to be available [when called on] to be used by God to bring about His resolution.
My intent was to publish my blahg and see if someone could provide me with an answer - a balm to soothe my wounds of doubt and frustration. It turns out that God had another plan. My internet was not working so I had no way of putting my thoughts out into the “world wide web” in hope of receiving words of wisdom from someplace other than the confines of my home.
Was it God’s plan to simply (somehow) download the answers to my questions so that my heart could rest contentedly in peace - satisfied and able to move forward because I no longer carried the burden? No. In fact, God didn’t answer my questions at all - well, in a manner of speaking. Instead, He provided a way for the burden to be lifted.
I received a text message that very evening. A friend was in need and reached out for help. That text message lead to 2 hours of phone conversation where the details of a ‘year in the making’ that lead to ‘this moment in time’ were unloaded. And then three hours later another phone call [from this friend] lead to an intense time of prayer that took us late into the night.
In the end, all of my friend’s problems, struggles and temptations were not immediately resolved, but what the Lord did was prepare the way for his victory to be fulfilled and His glory to be praised.
I sit here this morning understanding that the questions I asked on Wednesday really don’t need answers. I simply need to be available [when called on] to be used by God to bring about His resolution.
Challenged by L.O.V.E.
Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.
1 Corinthians 13:4-6
This week has been something else! It all started Sunday night. Anthony and I attended a new worship service at Gateway called Habitation. It’s a mixture of worship and message, lead by a highly respected Elder at Gateway - Steven Dulin - who is also anointed with an incredible prophetic gifting.
This first night [of many] was used to lay the foundation of learning how to love God’s way. The message was awesome and insightful, with several good points that were perfect for taking home for further meditation and life application. The one point that stuck with me is:
LOVE IS A DECISION. MAKE THE DECISION TO LOVE AND YOUR EMOTIONS WILL FOLLOW.
I’ve heard this point made before. It’s not original, but for me - that night - it got my attention and caused my wheels to spin. At the end of the night, we were given a challenge. To seek the Lord for a person in our life whom we consider “unlovable” and love them. I sought, and God answered. I won’t reveal the name of that person. I’ll just say that God definitely challenged me.
So, here we are. It’s Friday - almost the end of my first week - and I can say with great assurance that my challenge has been nothing short of a challenge. I can’t say that I’m that surprised. I accepted the challenge. I should have known there would be challenges, right? What I didn’t consider was that I’d be thrown into the deep end right away. I thought I’d at least get one swimming lesson in first.
I wish I could say that I have passed all my tests with flying colors. Nope. I wish I could say that I’ve passed at least one of my tests with flying colors. Nope. I wish I could say that I’ve at least passed one of my tests. Nope. If this was a baseball, I’d be a thousand. But this isn’t a game - it’s my life - and God is doing His best to make sure that my failures become successes. This isn’t about winning or losing. It’s about learning, growing and maturing in my walk with Christ Jesus.
I have struggled today to gain Godly perspective because my “unlovable” has been 100% unlovable for days now. Could God have been any less obvious when He chose this person for me? I have had to fight my flesh all day long. And sadly, it’s taken all day for me to be able to say that “my Spirit is willing, but my flesh is weak.” Until an hour ago, my Spirit didn’t even play a part in this. I’m not bragging, just being truthful.
I am a bit worn down by this today. I guess one could say that I’ve lived out the exact opposite of Jesus’ words, “My burden is easy and My yoke is light”. I’ve carried MY burden today and MY yoke feels like a ton of bricks.
Oh, that my ox-like heart wouldn’t be quite so ox-like.
1 Corinthians 13:4-6
This week has been something else! It all started Sunday night. Anthony and I attended a new worship service at Gateway called Habitation. It’s a mixture of worship and message, lead by a highly respected Elder at Gateway - Steven Dulin - who is also anointed with an incredible prophetic gifting.
This first night [of many] was used to lay the foundation of learning how to love God’s way. The message was awesome and insightful, with several good points that were perfect for taking home for further meditation and life application. The one point that stuck with me is:
LOVE IS A DECISION. MAKE THE DECISION TO LOVE AND YOUR EMOTIONS WILL FOLLOW.
I’ve heard this point made before. It’s not original, but for me - that night - it got my attention and caused my wheels to spin. At the end of the night, we were given a challenge. To seek the Lord for a person in our life whom we consider “unlovable” and love them. I sought, and God answered. I won’t reveal the name of that person. I’ll just say that God definitely challenged me.
So, here we are. It’s Friday - almost the end of my first week - and I can say with great assurance that my challenge has been nothing short of a challenge. I can’t say that I’m that surprised. I accepted the challenge. I should have known there would be challenges, right? What I didn’t consider was that I’d be thrown into the deep end right away. I thought I’d at least get one swimming lesson in first.
I wish I could say that I have passed all my tests with flying colors. Nope. I wish I could say that I’ve passed at least one of my tests with flying colors. Nope. I wish I could say that I’ve at least passed one of my tests. Nope. If this was a baseball, I’d be a thousand. But this isn’t a game - it’s my life - and God is doing His best to make sure that my failures become successes. This isn’t about winning or losing. It’s about learning, growing and maturing in my walk with Christ Jesus.
I have struggled today to gain Godly perspective because my “unlovable” has been 100% unlovable for days now. Could God have been any less obvious when He chose this person for me? I have had to fight my flesh all day long. And sadly, it’s taken all day for me to be able to say that “my Spirit is willing, but my flesh is weak.” Until an hour ago, my Spirit didn’t even play a part in this. I’m not bragging, just being truthful.
I am a bit worn down by this today. I guess one could say that I’ve lived out the exact opposite of Jesus’ words, “My burden is easy and My yoke is light”. I’ve carried MY burden today and MY yoke feels like a ton of bricks.
Oh, that my ox-like heart wouldn’t be quite so ox-like.
Wednesday, January 30, 2008
Hide & Seek
Yesterday afternoon I was “ambushed” by my SisNBff and whisked away to Lifetime Fitness to spend some much-needed, quality talk-time with her. I was treated to a couple hours of pure relaxation with her as we made our way from the eucalyptus sauna, to the wading pool, to the jacuzzi, to the wading pool again, and then back to the sauna for one last blast of steam to soothe our souls. All the while, we did what God created us for... we laid our hearts out to one another in complete honesty and trusted fellowship.
Over the past 6 years God has intertwined our lives in ways that neither one of us would have ever believed had someone told us before-hand the paths our lives would take together. Through those years, our friendship has grown into something that I don’t believe is easily duplicated - if at all. We have a unique relationship that transcends traditional friendships; a bond that is cemented by our relationships with Jesus. This relationship is the very core of who we are to each other, and because of that, we trust that our hearts, our thoughts, our struggles and our joys are safe to share. I am beyond blessed to have this friendship, and I know she feels the same.
During our conversation we shared things that were hard to talk about; things that exposed struggles and temptations. Yes, we are both Christians, and we have an incredible ability to push one another toward the deeper things of Christ, but - alas - we are still human. In our humanity we sin, we are tempted, we fall and we make unwise choices. But - BUT - we know, in the end, that our God has given us relationships to help us get back up and move forward when we feel like we can’t do it on our own; and more often than not... we can’t.
Here’s the catch: the relationships that we are blessed with are only useful if - drum roll, please - WE USE THEM!
What good is family and friendship if we don’t call on the very ones we love when we’re in trouble?
,
Why do we feel the need to hide away, behind our four walls, so that we can pretend that our lives are just as good as those lives we are hiding from? ... lives of people who are probably doing the same thing we are - hiding!
Why have we believed the lie from the enemy that if we actually tell someone what is going - the real truth, the real struggles, the real temptations, the real dirt - that it will only be used against us? that the dirt will only become fodder for nothing other than gossipy conversations? that prayer won’t actually take place?
Have we blown it too many times that the trust needed to share just isn’t there anymore? Or is it a matter of pride, or shame, or guilt, or condemnation that keeps us wrapped up tightly in our cocoon of false security?
Trust me when I tell you that I am not pointing my finger at you in my ramblings - for if I were, three would be pointing right back at me. Quite frankly, my heart is heavy today with a burden of questions that I simply cannot answer.
Over the past 6 years God has intertwined our lives in ways that neither one of us would have ever believed had someone told us before-hand the paths our lives would take together. Through those years, our friendship has grown into something that I don’t believe is easily duplicated - if at all. We have a unique relationship that transcends traditional friendships; a bond that is cemented by our relationships with Jesus. This relationship is the very core of who we are to each other, and because of that, we trust that our hearts, our thoughts, our struggles and our joys are safe to share. I am beyond blessed to have this friendship, and I know she feels the same.
During our conversation we shared things that were hard to talk about; things that exposed struggles and temptations. Yes, we are both Christians, and we have an incredible ability to push one another toward the deeper things of Christ, but - alas - we are still human. In our humanity we sin, we are tempted, we fall and we make unwise choices. But - BUT - we know, in the end, that our God has given us relationships to help us get back up and move forward when we feel like we can’t do it on our own; and more often than not... we can’t.
Here’s the catch: the relationships that we are blessed with are only useful if - drum roll, please - WE USE THEM!
What good is family and friendship if we don’t call on the very ones we love when we’re in trouble?
,
Why do we feel the need to hide away, behind our four walls, so that we can pretend that our lives are just as good as those lives we are hiding from? ... lives of people who are probably doing the same thing we are - hiding!
Why have we believed the lie from the enemy that if we actually tell someone what is going - the real truth, the real struggles, the real temptations, the real dirt - that it will only be used against us? that the dirt will only become fodder for nothing other than gossipy conversations? that prayer won’t actually take place?
Have we blown it too many times that the trust needed to share just isn’t there anymore? Or is it a matter of pride, or shame, or guilt, or condemnation that keeps us wrapped up tightly in our cocoon of false security?
Trust me when I tell you that I am not pointing my finger at you in my ramblings - for if I were, three would be pointing right back at me. Quite frankly, my heart is heavy today with a burden of questions that I simply cannot answer.
Saturday, January 26, 2008
Time
Throughout the month of January, I have been listening to and reading a daily devotion written by various members of our church - staff and lay-people alike. The devotional (titled FIRST) was written and distributed via CD's (so you could listen) and a book (so you could read), for the entire month of January. This was done in conjunction with a 10 day, church-wide fast that began on January 1st, along with a message series called "First". The basic premise is to focus on putting God first in all - really, ALL - areas of your life. One of the areas where God really challenged me dealt with time. I've been horrible at getting up and giving my morning to Him because... well, I'm not a morning person. I know... you're all in "shock and awe"! I can't count how many times I've prayed, "Starting tomorrow I'm getting up and giving You my time in the morning.” Tomorrow always came, and I always still found myself sleeping through those early hours. But, there was always tomorrow! :)
Well, like God is so capable of doing, He found away around my inability to rise early - He provided Anthony with a work position that required him to be out the door - not just up, but out the door - during my most coveted hour of sleep... between 7 and 8 a.m. You may ask, "How does that affect you?" The answer is simple. Since I am blessed with the ability to be a stay-at-home wife and mom and home school teacher, it would be completely selfish of me to sleep the morning away while Anthony's up and running by 6:45 each weekday. After all, we're going to bed at the same time, and I have the privilege of not having to commute to my job, so why shouldn't I be up at the same time as my husband?
So, starting January 2nd, I began waking up with Anthony - except while he got ready for work, I slumbered out to the kitchen to make breakfast so we could have a few morning minutes together to eat, read our morning devotion and pray before he left for the day. Let me tell you, that first week - okay! the first 2 weeks - were difficult, to say the least. My body was not the slightest bit happy to be up before 7 a.m., let alone have to be functioning enough to make breakfast and read! I quickly realized just how spoiled I had been with Anthony working from home. But there's a silver lining in this cloud of alarm-clocked reality. I also realized just how loved I was by God when He spoke to me one morning and whispered, "Your face was among the many I saw the day I created the coffee bean!"
And now, after almost one month of rising early, I have come to cherish my morning time. Anthony is usually out the door by 7:30 a.m. That's when my time with God starts. My iPod is on for a time of worship, I read through other devotions that I've come to love, I open my Bible to see what God wants to say to me each morning and I pray. I usually have an hour - sometimes a bit more - before I wake the kids up to start their day. My body has adjusted - more easily than I thought - to being up before the sun.
Yesterday morning Anthony woke up with a pounding headache, feeling achy, fatigued, and nauseous - one of those "hit ya quickly" kind of bugs. He decided early on that it was going to be a day of rest for him and no work. It was about 7:15 a.m. when he woke up and told me he wasn't going in to work. My first thought was that I could sleep in, but by 7:20 a.m. my mind was thinking about my morning time with God. I slipped out of bed, came to the kitchen, put on some coffee and sat at the table to have my quiet time. I smiled as I realized the difference 4 weeks had made. A month ago, I would have easily gone back to sleep without another thought. And now, instead of being spoiled with sleep, I'm spoiled by God!
Today I listened to a devotion written by a pastor at Gateway, Marcus Brecheen, who has become a significant and treasured part of both mine and Anthony's lives. I first met him last February at a Prayer and Prophesy night held at my first church here in Texas - Valley Creek Church. He spoke words of prophesy over me that night, which I wrote down and still have today. Then he was the man Anthony and I sat in front of twice for some "adapting to marriage counseling" about 6 months ago. Since that time, Anthony and I have kept a steady schedule of emails, phone calls and lunch dates with him. He went from being a pastor at Gateway to a cherished friend of ours and a mentor to Anthony.
All that to say, this morning's devotion is a great reminder of the need - and challenge - to purposely consider time.
Regardless of what day of the week this is, today you have 1,440 minutes. The chronos of this day will tick by regardless of what else happens. But the kairos is up to you. At the end of the day, it all comes down to this: did you kairos during the chronos? Did you notice the sacred things in the midst of the common? God will make sure they are all around you. Ask Him to show you. (MB)
Well, like God is so capable of doing, He found away around my inability to rise early - He provided Anthony with a work position that required him to be out the door - not just up, but out the door - during my most coveted hour of sleep... between 7 and 8 a.m. You may ask, "How does that affect you?" The answer is simple. Since I am blessed with the ability to be a stay-at-home wife and mom and home school teacher, it would be completely selfish of me to sleep the morning away while Anthony's up and running by 6:45 each weekday. After all, we're going to bed at the same time, and I have the privilege of not having to commute to my job, so why shouldn't I be up at the same time as my husband?
So, starting January 2nd, I began waking up with Anthony - except while he got ready for work, I slumbered out to the kitchen to make breakfast so we could have a few morning minutes together to eat, read our morning devotion and pray before he left for the day. Let me tell you, that first week - okay! the first 2 weeks - were difficult, to say the least. My body was not the slightest bit happy to be up before 7 a.m., let alone have to be functioning enough to make breakfast and read! I quickly realized just how spoiled I had been with Anthony working from home. But there's a silver lining in this cloud of alarm-clocked reality. I also realized just how loved I was by God when He spoke to me one morning and whispered, "Your face was among the many I saw the day I created the coffee bean!"
And now, after almost one month of rising early, I have come to cherish my morning time. Anthony is usually out the door by 7:30 a.m. That's when my time with God starts. My iPod is on for a time of worship, I read through other devotions that I've come to love, I open my Bible to see what God wants to say to me each morning and I pray. I usually have an hour - sometimes a bit more - before I wake the kids up to start their day. My body has adjusted - more easily than I thought - to being up before the sun.
Yesterday morning Anthony woke up with a pounding headache, feeling achy, fatigued, and nauseous - one of those "hit ya quickly" kind of bugs. He decided early on that it was going to be a day of rest for him and no work. It was about 7:15 a.m. when he woke up and told me he wasn't going in to work. My first thought was that I could sleep in, but by 7:20 a.m. my mind was thinking about my morning time with God. I slipped out of bed, came to the kitchen, put on some coffee and sat at the table to have my quiet time. I smiled as I realized the difference 4 weeks had made. A month ago, I would have easily gone back to sleep without another thought. And now, instead of being spoiled with sleep, I'm spoiled by God!
Today I listened to a devotion written by a pastor at Gateway, Marcus Brecheen, who has become a significant and treasured part of both mine and Anthony's lives. I first met him last February at a Prayer and Prophesy night held at my first church here in Texas - Valley Creek Church. He spoke words of prophesy over me that night, which I wrote down and still have today. Then he was the man Anthony and I sat in front of twice for some "adapting to marriage counseling" about 6 months ago. Since that time, Anthony and I have kept a steady schedule of emails, phone calls and lunch dates with him. He went from being a pastor at Gateway to a cherished friend of ours and a mentor to Anthony.
All that to say, this morning's devotion is a great reminder of the need - and challenge - to purposely consider time.
Regardless of what day of the week this is, today you have 1,440 minutes. The chronos of this day will tick by regardless of what else happens. But the kairos is up to you. At the end of the day, it all comes down to this: did you kairos during the chronos? Did you notice the sacred things in the midst of the common? God will make sure they are all around you. Ask Him to show you. (MB)
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