(Teighlor at 17 months old: her first move)
I can't say that I'm excited to approach THIS particular season again, but I can say I know that we're moving again for the right reasons. Yep, I said it. MOVING AGAIN.
Honestly, typing those words at 4:45am (yep ... A.M.) when I have yet to go to bed (feeling icky), feels exhausting--not only because I know I need sleep but because the thought of enduring the moving process in just over six weeks seems daunting and overwhelming ... today. Just like the Texas weather: catch me tomorrow and I may feel differently.
This will be move #5 within the borders of this great state since our initial relocation to Texas in December 2006. Yep ... numero cinco. Each move has had its share of necessary reasons and each time I've approached the move with anticipation of the unknown. "It's exciting to start fresh. Be somewhere new. Pack and get rid of things unneeded. Unpack and see the familiar stuff take on a fresh look in a different environment."
But this time around, I'm not yet there--to that place where the anticipation of the unknown has bubbled up in me. All I can think about is the fact that while we know we are moving (June 15 to be exact) we have no idea what our new address will be. We believe we'll be moving back to the NRH area to be within the boundaries of Birdville High School, but even that isn't written in stone yet--it's just the most plausible outcome.
Our desire is to move from this "apartment home" into an actual house, with no neighbors sharing walls or walking above us or us needing to tread lightly for the neighbors below. We had to make the transition from house to apartment back in 2010 for the sake of the budget. And when we moved here (to Roanoke) in September 2011 for the sake of a commute for a job change we weren't anticipating, we came as close to moving into a house as we could without the expense. This place really does feel like a house (minus the aforementioned treading lightly issue, but we've become adjusted to that). With the attached garage and front door that opens into the outdoors and not a hallway, this place (minus the occasional neighbor issue) has felt more like home than any place we've lived in since Bedford (2007-2009).
And now, here we are again, in a place where a move is necessary for one main reason (school/baseball) confirmed by a secondary (high rent hike), but nonetheless important reason. God had already begun the process of untying our heartstrings to this place through conversations of "what ifs" surrounding baseball; then He untied some more when she made the decision to not hold onto that summer job as a "just in case" backup. Steps were being taken to loosen our grips on this place before the paperwork came that sealed the deal; information that would have been the initial deal breaker had the other situations not happened.
So, he we are again. No one really wants to leave here (this home) because, honestly, we like it here. It's the longest we've been at an address since Bedford and it's become home, not just in name but in our hearts. But God reminded me of truth he deposited years ago: home is anywhere your family is and it doesn't have to be owned in order to be home.
Well, the prospect of owning isn't even on our radar, but the thought of leaving where we've become comfortable is not really exciting ... yet. Probably because we just don't know where we're going to end up, and the one place we've looked (because it's necessary to consider) makes one half of this family unit unhappy, to say the least.
But this I know: God was already orchestrating a plan before we understood how the plan would unfold, so I am confident in my knowing that God will also provide a place that will become home ... again. I am not setting my heart for or against anything. I am simply choosing to leaving it open so that disappointment doesn't become my companion. I will still be praying for what my heart desires, but not locking in my expectations. I cannot see yet what home will look like come June 15, but I trust that God does, and whether it's familiar from before or new again, I will choose now to see it as a blessing and not dare curse what my soul could label 'not enough'. (Nod to Christine Caine's message from Pink Impact last week.)
"God, I know that you see what we cannot. And I know, because I know You, that your heart is for us and not against us. I also know that in times where many are struggling, my heart wants nothing more than to be grateful for a place to call home and for the blessings that come with that. But I know too, God, that you tell us You can do more than we can ask or imagine, so I'm daring to ask. Father, expand our tents and open a house for us. Expand our boxed imaginations and show us where to look, or who to ask or call. You've shown your goodness and faithfulness just days ago through a family who lost their home and were already provided another within days of their initial notice. You are good. You are faithful. And I know that wherever you lead us, I will still call you good and faithful. Help our hearts to be open and excited. To embrace the unknown and let go of what no longer is part of this next season. To store the treasured memories of what we've lived and tuck them away without regret of what's to come. God, may my only expectation be of your best for us and not a laundry list of what I think I can't live without. I look forward to you answering our prayers and to looking back on this blog and seeing your faithfulness played out. In Jesus' Mighty Name that's filled with power and grace and mercy and goodness. Amen!"