Thursday, June 30, 2011

"what a difference" follow-up

I can't believe it's been over a month since I last blogged! It really bothers me when I let so much time pass without writing, whether out of laziness or busy-ness ... the reason is insignificant once the time has passed.

Seeing that my last post was centered around a weekend that changed the current course of lives in our home, my first priority is to jot down a few thoughts as I look at it a month removed from the emotion of the circumstances.

High School Baseball has been a subject that's loomed over our house for the past year. To public school or not ... all for the sake of baseball. Honestly, the decision for Alec to attend Birdville seems like it's already been made, but I've learned my lesson not to get ahead of God, even when plans look like they have been laid. I know a door was definitely opened with Alec making the high school summer ball team, but I told God--as if that really counts, right?--that the team was a stepping stone only; the decision still sits before Him through July. August is the month that counts, and it's still a month away. So, for now, we enjoy the coaching he's had, the growth he's made, and the introduction to high school ball; and we enjoy the rest of our summer. August is, after all, still a month away.

It's also been a month since the dynamic of our family changed--for the summer, anyway--the rest is yet to be determined. God has been consistently speaking one story to my heart every time I get together with Him on this subject. He reminds me of the Prodigal Son; not for the purpose of praying a heart back to God, but for showing me that even He--the God who created [us] in HIS image--understands the truth of love and hearts:

Love cannot be forced, it must be chosen;
And a heart is not yours simply because it lives with you or shares your name or even has history attached to you ... [or, as GOD knows, is created in HIS image]; a heart is won through pursuit and wooing.

God is the greatest example of pursuit and wooing, yet I believe we tend to live our lives as if they are somehow separated from the way God operates. He is [the] pursuer, [the] wooer. Why then should we think that the love and hearts that are entrusted to us should be treated any differently than the way God examples to us?

Sometimes space is the only thing that brings perspective when a heart believes it's being caged against its will; and sometimes breathing room is needed when a heart feels like it's being suffocated; and sometimes we just need to understand that "nothing ever really stays the same". Life is not stagnant, it is forever moving and changing; and when years pass and hearts grow up, keeping that heart sometimes means loosening up the physical hold in order to keep the heart beating for and with you.

This is not a story of giving in to demands or allowing manipulation to reign, instead it's a realization that choices made then can--and often do--change what we envisioned for our now. Our 'hoped-for-nows' are never guaranteed to us; in fact, they rarely turn out as we envisioned them in the first place. Even if our now is close to how we imagined it, it's always tweaked a bit by God--sometimes less than, sometimes more than--we expected or hoped for.

So, for now, we take our steps not in fear or trepidation, but with confidence knowing that God really does desire {HIS} best for us, but that "best" is not always what we think it should be nor does it play out how we think it should. After all, it's {HIS} best, not [our] best.

In both situations, I'm not looking at the end of summer right now. I'm looking at today only and praying for tomorrow. I've learned that when an unexpected weekend can change so much, anchoring my thoughts even 30 days away is my definition of worry, and worry is not a spirit I'm even remotely interested in allowing to reign in my life. When God's mercies are new every morning, I've learned so can His plans be, too.

1 comment:

  1. "Love cannot be forced, it must be chosen."

    My life is not about baseball or family dynamics, but your simple truth applies to so much of what this day has held for me. So does your reminder to pursue even when I am not chosen! Wow, just the opposite of what my heart wants to do. But everything my spirit knows to do.

    Thanks for the blog reading one sided pep talk bestie. ;)