At the end of each weekend message, Pastor Robert always closes with this question: "What is the Holy Spirit speaking to you?"
This is the conversation God had with me...
God: "Gosh, I love you." (said in the sweetest and most tender manner)
Me: "That's sweet." The words spoken to me felt so natural and were such a simple but sweet reminder.
God: That's how it [those words] makes Anthony feel.
Me: "But he demands it. You don't. I can simply tell you [i love you]. You don't make me."
God: "No, he doesn't make you. He desires it. And so do I. You just see us differently."
Me: "But I know Your love is genuine, pure, because You've never done anything to hurt me. It's easier with You. You've never let me down. I'm totally safe with You."
God: "Have I ever allowed anything that hurt you? Have you ever walked through circumstances where you questioned where I was or what I was doing or allowing?"
Me: "Yes." (home foreclosure came to mind)
God: "My love is perfectly pure and yet sometimes it hurts because what's allowed to happen within my love can be painful. But it doesn't make my love any less genuine. Anthony's love is imperfect. It can't be perfectly pure (yet) because of sin. But that doesn't make his love any less genuine."
In this 'learning love' journey that I am on, I have been praying that God would speak into all of the distorted views I hold onto regarding love. I want to be so completely wrecked by His love that what I understand of it - both from a spiritual and human perspective - is turned upside down. On this morning, without me asking, God addressed something inside of me that I wasn't even thinking about in that particular moment. It was one of those "schfurprise" kind of moments where God sneaks up and peels back another layer of my soul and says, "I care about this. Let me show you."