...give or take a few weeks, I was sitting against the kitchen wall in my two-bedroom home located in Long Beach, CA, holding a home pregnancy test in one hand and a phone in the other. The little blue lines that told me I was pregnant were such a surprise to me that I couldn't remember the number to my (then) husband's cell phone. Pregnant? But I'm on birth control. That's really all that ran through my head for about the first 5 minutes.
That was sometime in July of 1994 and once the shock wore off and my hands stopped shaking, the realization that I was going to become a Mom the following year settled in, along with the joy that started as a heartbeat but quickly grew into an excitement that I could barely contain.
I remember almost every detail of every significant and not so significant moment of my Teighlor pregnancy: the joy of sharing the news with my Mom, the first trip to the Ob-Gyn to confirm what I already knew, the sound of her heartbeat coming from the ultrasound machine, learning she'd be a "she", the first flutters of her in my belly, watching my belly expand beyond reason, feeling that first really strong contraction and thinking the pain was way worse than I ever imagined, watching the miracle of birth via a mirror placed over the shoulder of my doctor, hearing her first cry and experiencing the immediate rush of love I'd never known when I got to nurse her for the first time.
And then I got to do all it again, one more time, with Alec. All of the situations weren't quite the same, and I didn't have the same amount of free time to enjoy each step because I was already Mom to a very active toddler, but it was just as miraculous and awesome to me.
To think that path of my life started just under 16 years ago. Wow! I've been a Mom for 16 years?!?!? That's kind of a crazy thought for me.
What a journey and a half Motherhood has been and continues to be. I shake my head when I look backwards on the time that has passed because it has gone so quickly, in retrospect. I think of the few remaining years I have to really "mother" Teighlor and Alec and I can't help but start to feel melancholy.
Because of the twists and unexpected turns of my life, I have not been able to wear the title of Wife as long as I've been wearing the title of Mom. I started out as wife, became mom, became ex-wife, continued on as mom, and became wife again. But throughout these past 16 years, Mom has been the outfit I've put on each morning and taken off each ... heck, who I am kidding ... it never comes off.
I've been a Mom for 16 years and I've loved every minute of it. Well, okay, if I'm being honest there have been plenty of moments that have not been my favorites, but the messy ones simply make the pretty ones that much brighter!
As I lay here in bed, it's just after 1am, and my Mother's Day will be celebrated after I go to sleep and wake up. I'm smiling because I have the simple pleasure of having Teighlor and Alec in the same room with me as I go to sleep tonight. With Anthony out of town on a business trip, I asked them to drag the twin mattresses into my room so we could camp out together. And now, as I write this, I realize what a sweet memory this will become for me.
And I wonder if my Mom sits in bed now, with all of her kids grown and with children of their own, and takes a walk down Memory Lane reliving her own simple moments with us.