{OUR} Own.Private.Idaho

One of the things that I've always dreamed of having, but never-ever put at the top of my priority list, was to have a bedroom with my husband that we could call {OUR} Own.Private.Idaho. I've admired the way that my SisNBff guards the sanctity of her and her husband's bedroom with a ferocious territorialism. That is their place that belongs to "just them", and they share it with no one.

Our bedroom has always felt like more of a second family room than a place just for Anthony and I, and it's always been the one room that I've neglected to put money into because everything else was always more important. Well, not any longer.

While Mr. Budget is not allowing me to go all-kinds-of-crazy and spend moolah on every little touch my heart could imagine [and trust me, it can imagine a lot!], he is making room for the one thing that will make the biggest statement [until those other little touches can be justified]. ;) Soon, Mr. Budget ... soon?!?!

I purchased today a bedding set that will transform our make shift look into something that breathes life and comfort and peace into {OUR} room. Here's a pic:

Nature has always been both a place of peace and inspiration for me, as well as invigoration and exhalation. The second I saw this set I just 'knew' this was for our bedroom. This would be our daily, visual reminder of the sanctuary God desires: {OUR} Own.Private.Idaho. 

My only prayer was that Anthony would like it, too. And when his response came back just as excited as mine - okay, maybe not as excited, but right up there! - there was something that stirred in my spirit ... a sense of a new coming-togetherness being built. {smiling}

Will a bedroom set transform a marriage? No. When the world is falling apart with every passing day, will buying new bedding somehow change the world? No. Well, not anyone's who won't be sleeping in {OUR} bedroom. ;) But considering what the bedroom and bed of a married couple represent--intimacy, vulnerability, privacy, and refuge--I'm excited that we're choosing to invest a small piece of God's provision into {OUR} future; into reclaiming what belongs to {US} and moving forward into creating {OUR} haven.

I would dare say that I think God has wanted us to step up and claim {OUR} piece of privacy for a long time. He created sanctity. We're just following in his footsteps. And I believe that honors him and {OUR} marriage in every way.

"This is what the LORD says, the God who builds a road right through the ocean, who carves a path through pounding waves. "Forget about what's happened; don't keep going over the old history. Be alert, be present! I'm about to do something brand-new. It's bursting out! Don't you see it? There it is! I'm making a road through the desert and rivers in the badlands."" Isaiah 43:16-21
[a portion of our 2011 Promise]

*Inspiration to finally move forward with this idea, even though it was first birthed on March 4, belongs to an article posted on Destiny In Bloom by Laura Burciaga. This article made me realize, through the whisper of HolySpirit, that in making all things new, this is one area that should not be neglected.

Revelationary Change

"Today we started dreaming again. God has such big dreams for us, but we can't see them with our heads buried in 'today'. Looking up and out!"

That was my tweet from late last night, after a time of pre-prayer conversation followed by a time of prayer with my Groom.

Since we committed two nights ago to bring 'together prayer' back to our daily life-the one thing we know can make the most impact and bring about the change and growth we can't even imagine to ask for-HolySpirit (I'm borrowing the no-space spelling from You, friend) has shown up. Like I thought he wouldn't?

Monday night he lightened our hearts with laughter. Last night he inspired us with revelation.

I asked Anthony if we could talk about what we wanted to pray for first, that way we were moving into our time together with unified minds and hearts instead of just going through our individual check lists from the day. My spirit was stirring with a desire to not fall into the mundane pit of talking to God about today's needs, but step out into what lies beyond ... dreams, hopes, aspirations.

It's not that I want to ignore what sits in front of us, but the thought "God knows your needs" was swirling in me. HolySpirit was speaking into bigger; for us not to get so trapped in our concerns that we neglect reaching up into God's dreams for us and our future.

In the midst of this, I said to Anthony, "Think of it as Visionary Prayer" and it was like [someone] turned a light bulb on in his heart. HolySpirit spoke right into his sweet spot. Anthony is created as a big picture thinker. The idea creator. The Visionary. How cool of HolySpirit to speak those words to him and open up a world of prayer that hadn't crossed his mind before.

Anthony even said to me, "Why have I not thought of that?"; not in a "I can't believe YOU had that thought instead of me" way [because in reality it wasn't my thought], but in a sincere boggling-of-his-mind-kind-of-way because the thought was so logical that it seemed so obvious. Like ... DUH!

Anthony casts vision all day at work. It's one of his God-given gifts. But HolySpirit woke him up last night to the place he's never considered using that gift ... his home.

Having a front row seat to a revelatory moment is sweet. I saw the light bulb go off. I watched something happen in his heart. I was there to experience another layer of heaven open up and become visible to Anthony. Inspiration and Motivation and Revelation all birthed out of one sentence from Holy Spirit:

"Think of it as Visionary Prayer."

Laughter

Last night, for the first time in too long a time, we cuddled up and set out to pray together. Yes, there is a [whole] lesson in the fact that prayer between us as a couple - not as individuals - has been lacking in our relationship, and I get that ... trust me. But it's what came before our prayers that compelled me to write this note: Laughter.

I can't remember the last time that laughter caught us by surprise and took over, leaving tears, belly aches and gasps for air. Although I was not laughing about the same thing that overcame my groom, the laughter that came from watching him laugh was just as funny as was the very subject from which his laughter originated.

Those few minutes were some of the lightest between us, and held some natural, God-given medicine in its grip. For those few, spontaneous minutes last night, I am really thankful.

Another step forward...

Radical Obedience

An Awesome Habitation Moment From Last Night...

As we're crossing the auditorium on our way out to go home, Anthony sees Zach Neese saying good-bye to someone he was speaking with. We walk up and when Zach sees Anthony, he gets this big smile and says, "Anthony", and gives him a hug. I later learned, through conversation with Anthony, that when Zach said his name it was overwhelming to him. He told me that Zach said it like he was expecting him. It made him immediately feel welcomed. I don't think I've ever heard someone describe something like that before; yet I can understand the heart of it. And I wondered if I've ever made someone's heart leep with an expected welcomeness like that even when they knew I wasn't expecting them. Not wondered in a selfish way, either. Zach oozes a genuineness and sincerity that is so thick you can almost reach out and touch it. His demeanor makes me wonder if that's what it would be like to meet Jesus. Seriously. That's what that moment reminded me of. He says your name and it's like receiving a hug without arms.

Anyway. That's not what I was intending to write about. But I guess it was important enough for God to put it at the front of my brain. Maybe to remind me what true humility and meekness of character looks like in today's world???

So we're talking with Zach and he shares a story that made my spirit leap. Just a couple weeks ago, Pastor Robert's assistant somehow contracted E-Coli and fell critically ill; ending up in the ICU. Although she was prayed for, had hands laid on her, was anointed with oil and lifted up by thousands at Gateway, she ultimately went home to be with Jesus just a week after getting sick. It was a shocking and unexpected death to all who knew her.

Last weekend during worship, Zach spoke of his struggle to understand why God heals some and not others. And ultimately admitted that understanding the answer this side of heaven was probably not gonna happen.

Somehow our conversation was steered toward this issue and he says, rather nonchalantly but with plenty of purpose, "Yeah. It was hard especially since me and a couple guys even prayed over her casket for her to rise from the dead." WHAT??? Who does this in America? Well, apparently Zack and some friends of his do! I wanted to shout "AMEN!" but tried to calm my leaping spirit so I could pay attention to the rest of his story.

He then goes on to share that he knew that God had told him to pray over her casket. He just knew. He didn't doubt God's request at all. And he was fully expecting her to sit up and crawl out of the casket. When the miracle didn't happen, Zach didn't ask God "if he had really heard him", which most people would tend to wonder, even if only for a few minutes. He asked him why she didn't come back to life.

Zach shared that he knew in his spirit that God had been 'reasoning' with Judy, in that moment, about whether or not she wanted to come back. It turns out she didn't. God was fully willing to breath life back into her lifeless body. But instead he allowed her to stay in heaven because it was what she wanted. And Zach shared this knowing that she made it because not only was she in the place that she always longed to be (as we all should) but she could see her family that was left here and knew that they were going to be okay, so (as he says) why wouldn't she choose to stay with Jesus? [like ... duh]

I asked Zach (kind of knowing the answer) why he thought God would ask him to pray for Judy to be raised from the dead if he didn't intend to bring her back? His words? "To see if I would obey. To see if I would be willing to radically obey even if it made me look foolish to other people."

Radical Obedience just took on a whole other meaning for me thanks to Zach.

Learning Repentance

Last night was the second Habitation Service of 2011. It was hard getting there--not physically but emotionally and spiritually. Although we arrived in the Gateway parking lot at 4:30pm, we didn't make it into the building until 5:30pm. (Thankfully, we were way early to begin with.) There was a lot of heavy and hard conversation taking place. Hearts butting heads again...

It's really hard when two hearts are in different locations.
When one heart is struggling to understand.
And the other heart is dying for life.

We almost gave up and turned towards home without ever stepping out of the car. Almost.

Inside the worship was necessary. For me, my usual outward expressiveness was definitely subdued; not because I was withdrawing from God but instead drawing into him. I wasn't worshiping begrudgingly. I was beseeching the heart of God quietly.

Near the end of the message, the issue of repentance was discussed, with Steve Dulin excitedly sharing, with a big smile on his face, how much he loves to repent. Seriously. It's what he said. And he followed that up with the thought that repentance is one of God's gifts to us. Jesus is holding out a gift-wrapped present and all we have to do is receive it and unwrap it. Repentance gives us the opportunity to surrender our wills to him and to make the choice to change our minds. (the literal definition of repent)

Holy Spirit caught my attention with this thought: You don't love to repent.

No harshness involved. No condemnation. Just another layer of my onion-like soul being revealed. And he's right. I think the word has always frightened me. Until last night. It's always sounded harsh and judgmental and scary to me. Probably because it's used that way, by humans, more often than not. REPENT OR DIE! Can you just hear the anger and raised voice? Can you feel the flames of hell licking at your toes? It's like a (6-letter) FourLetterWord. I shrink back when I hear it. Until last night.

But I learned something new last night. Although I do firmly believe that without repentance we are leading ourselves on a journey to death, Holy Spirit showed me the compassionate, and really simple side, of repentance ... just change your mind. Can you heart it? No screaming required. No judging finger pointed in my face.

It's like Jesus is sitting in a high-backed chair across from me at Roots Coffeehouse telling me something that's so obvious he doesn't have to make a big deal about it. "Just change your mind", he says, and then takes a sip of his coffee as he waits for his words to settle on my heart.

It was like years of misunderstanding and fear were erased. Holy Spirit showed me that I know how to come before God and ask in His Name. That I know how to worship with everything inside of me. That I know how to speak to him of my sins and even ask forgiveness.

But one thing's been missing: a heart like David. A heart that deeply understood his place of rescue from sin. David sinned greatly. But David always repented. He didn't go back and repeat his sins. He took them straight to his God and with a sorrowful heart, laid himself bare.

So last night, when the altar was opened up, I followed my husband to the front of the stage steps. I reached out for his hand. Together, we knelt before Jesus. Individually, we laid our hearts bare before him.

An obstacle was moved last night. Today, I'm one step closer.