Months ago I read a friend's blog who had written about a 21 day 'afternoon anger' challenge she ventured into with Jesus by her side. I was so moved by her honesty about her struggle with this specific kind of anger and the creative way she tackled this issue with Jesus...a 21 day challenge to do it differently...a 21 day challenge to give her weakness to Jesus and let him change her. Read that here:
I was reading a blog on Destiny In Bloom with the subject matter of sex in marriage. Although I've never documented any issues regarding my sex life, I am more than confident that Jesus is calling me to step out into "REAL" and be brave enough to put my challenge here...knowing that my SisNBff and husband may not be the only ones who read this blog. Jesus has been calling me to be really REAL for a couple months now. No hiding. no pretending. So the D.I.B. blog struck a cord in me. Read that blog here:
So here's my challenge:
For Jesus to bring back the physical passion in me for my husband and to supernaturally increase my libido that has died due to [I believe] major hormone shifts in me that began a few months after turning 40...and I got married right before my 40th birthday.
Sex has been a challenge for me for over a year. It's not that I don't enjoy it. It's not that we have bad or boring sex. It's just that I can feel that my body has taken a dramatic downturn in the physical capacity of my sex drive. I basically don't have one. And that lack of sex drive makes the thought of sex feel like a chore instead of what I know it to be. I hate the fact that I'm 42 and that the thought of sex doesn't excite me. Once I'm involved, I'm ok. But pushing past the mental frustration of "oh, we have to do it again?" is taking it's toll on me and my relationship with my husband. I keep saying that I'll try to do better. I'll try to put myself out there - force myself to want it - and hope it makes a difference. The problem is: I don't just feel like forcing myself to want to have sex. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place and I want change.
I do believe that most of what I'm experiencing could be improved dramatically through a correct balance of hormones. The problem with that is the cost of natural hormone replacement. It's just not in our budget right now and may not be for some time to come.
So here I am, turning to Jesus. Or, more accurately, he's prompted me to turn to him. I can't claim this challenge as my own. I felt that tug at my heart. I knew who it was. So I'm thinking if Jesus is calling me to this challenge then he must have a reason. I don't know what he has planned, but I'm excited to see what the next 21 days holds.
See you back here [for the results of this particular blog] on Friday, September 25th!
PS - This blog is dedicated with YOU in mind...My Groom!