Let Them Come Home by Abraham Piper

The article below was written by Abraham Piper (John Piper's son). I actually copied it straight from another blog and am keeping it here because it's just so ridiculously powerful and practical.

The following is Abraham’s account written for Decision Magazine.

When I was 19, I decided I’d be honest and stop pretending I was a christian.  At first I pretended that my reasoning was high-minded and philosophical. But really I just wanted to drink gallons of cheap sangria and sleep around. Four years of this and I was strung out, stupefied and generally pretty low. Especially when I was sober or alone.

My parents, (John and Noel Piper) who are strong believers and who raised their kids as well as any parents I’ve ever seen, were brokenhearted and baffled. (See sidebar story below.) I’m sure they were wondering why the child they tried to raise right was such a ridiculous screw-up now. But God was in control.

One Tuesday morning, before 8 o’clock, I went to the library to check my e-mail. I had a message from a girl I’d met a few weeks before, and her e-mail mentioned a verse in Romans. I went down to the Circle K and bought a 40-ounce can of Miller High Life for $1.29. Then I went back to where I was staying, rolled a few cigarettes, cracked open my drink, and started reading Romans. I wanted to read the verse from the e-mail, but I couldn’t remember what it was, so I started at the beginning of the book. By the time I got to chapter 10, the beer was gone, the ashtray needed emptying and I was a Christian.

The best way I know to describe what happened to me that morning is that God made it possible for me to love Jesus. When He makes this possible and at the same time gives you a glimpse of the true wonder of Jesus, it is impossible to resist His call.

Looking back on my years of rejecting Christ, I offer these suggestions to help you reach out to your wayward child so that they, too, would wake up to Christ’s amazing power to save even the worst of us.

1. Point them to Christ.

Your rebellious child’s real problem is not drugs or sex or cigarettes or porn or laziness or crime or cussing or slovenliness or homosexuality or being in a punk band. The real problem is that your child doesn’t see Jesus clearly. The best thing you can do for rebellious children—and the only reason to follow any of these suggestions—is to show them Christ. It won’t be simple or immediate, but the sins in their life that distress you and destroy them will begin to disappear only when they see Jesus more as He actually is.

2. Pray.

Only God can save your children, so keep on asking Him to display Himself to them in a way they can’t resist worshiping Him for.

3. Acknowledge that something is wrong.

When your daughter rejects Jesus, don’t pretend that everything is fine.

If you know she’s not a believer and you’re not reaching out to her, then start. And never stop. Don’t ignore her unbelief. Ignoring it might make holidays easier, but not eternity.

4. Don’t expect them to be Christlike.

If your son is not a Christian, he won’t act like one, and it’s hypocrisy if he does. If he has forsaken your faith, he has little motivation to live by your standards, and you have little reason to expect him to.

If he’s struggling to believe in Jesus, there is little significance in his admitting that it’s wrong to get wasted, for instance. You want to protect him, yes, but his most dangerous problem is unbelief—not partying. No matter how your child’s behavior proves his unbelief, always be sure to focus more on his heart’s sickness than its symptoms

5. Welcome them home.

Because your deepest concern is your son’s heart, not his actions, don’t create too many requirements for coming home. If he has any inkling to be with you, don’t make it hard for him. God may use your love to call him back to Christ. Obviously there are instances when parents must give ultimatums: “Don’t come to this house, if you are …” But these will be rare. Don’t lessen the likelihood of an opportunity to be with your child by pushing him away with rules.

If your daughter stinks like weed or an ashtray, spray her jacket with Febreeze and change the sheets when she leaves, but let her come home. If you find out she’s pregnant, then buy her folic acid, take her to her 20-week ultrasound, protect her from Planned Parenthood, and by all means let her come home. If your son is broke because he spent all the money you lent him on loose women and ritzy liquor, then forgive his debt as you’ve been forgiven, don’t give him any more money—and let him come home. If he hasn’t been around for a week and a half because he’s been staying at his girlfriend’s—or boyfriend’s—apartment, urge him not to go back, and let him come home.

6. Plead with them more than you rebuke them.

Be gentle in your disappointment.

What concerns you most is that your child is destroying herself, not that she’s breaking rules. Treat her in a way that makes this clear. She probably knows—especially if she was raised as a Christian—that what she’s doing is wrong. And she definitely knows you think it is, so she doesn’t need this pointed out. She needs to see how you are going to react to her evil. Your gentle forbearance and sorrowful hope will show her that you really do trust Jesus.

Her conscience can condemn her by itself. Your role is to stand kindly and firmly, always living in the hope that you want your child to return to.

7. Connect them to other believers.

Obviously, you are distant from your wayward child; otherwise you wouldn’t think they’re wayward. This is another reason why pleading is better than rebuking—your relationship with your rebellious child is tenuous and should be protected if at all possible.

But rebuke is still necessary. A lot of rebellious kids would do well to hear that they’re being fools, but you’re probably not the one to tell them. Try to keep other Christians in their lives and trust God to connect your son or daughter with a believer who can point out your child’s folly without getting the door slammed on them.

8. Respect their friends.

Of course your daughter’s relationships are founded on sin. And, yes, her friends are bad for her. But she’s bad for them, too. And nothing will be solved by making it evident that you don’t like who she’s hanging around with.

Be hospitable. Her friends are someone else’s wayward children, and they need Jesus, too.

9. E-mail them.

When you read something in the Bible that encourages you and helps you love Jesus more, write it up in a couple of lines and send it to your child. The best exhortation—better than any correction—is for them to see Christ’s joy in your life

Don’t stress out when you’re composing these as if each one needs to be singularly powerful. Just whip them out and let the cumulative effect of your satisfaction in God gather up in your child’s inbox. God’s Word is never useless.

10. Take them to lunch.

If possible, don’t let your only interaction with your child be electronic. Get together with him face to face if you can. You may think this is stressful and uncomfortable, but trust me that it’s far worse to be in the child’s shoes—he is experiencing all the same discomfort, but compounded by guilt. So if he is willing to get together with you for lunch, praise God, and use the opportunity.

It may almost feel hypocritical to talk about his daily life, since what you really care about is his eternal life, but be sure to do it anyway. He needs to know you care about all of him. Then, before lunch is over, ask about his soul. You don’t know how he’ll respond. Will he roll his eyes like you’re a moron? Will he get mad and leave? Or has God been working in him since you talked last? You don’t know until you risk asking. God will give you the gumption.

11. Take an interest in their pursuits.

Odds are that if your daughter is purposefully rejecting Christ, then the way she spends her time will disappoint you. Nevertheless, find the value in her interests, if possible, and encourage her. You went to her school plays and soccer games when she was 10; what can you do now that she’s 20 to show that you still really care about her interests?

Jesus spent time with tax collectors and prostitutes, and He wasn’t even related to them. Imitate Christ by being the kind of parent who will put some earplugs in your pocket and head downtown to where your daughter’s CD release show is. Encourage her and never stop praying that she will begin to use her gifts for Jesus’ glory instead of her own.

12. Point them to Christ.

This can’t be stressed enough. It’s the whole point. No strategy for reaching your son or daughter will have any lasting effect if the underlying goal isn’t to help them know Jesus.

The goal is not that they will be good kids again. It’s not that they’ll get their hair cut and start taking showers; it’s not that they’ll like classical music instead of deathcore; it’s not that they’ll vote conservative again by the next election. The goal is not for you to stop being embarrassed at your weekly Bible study or even for you to be able to sleep at night, knowing they’re not going to hell.

The only ultimate reason to pray for them, welcome them, plead with them, eat with them, or take an interest in their interests is so that their eyes will be opened to Jesus Christ.

And not only is He the only point, but He’s the only hope. When they see the wonder of Jesus, satisfaction will be redefined. He Himself will replace the money, or the praise of man, or the high, or the sex that they are staking their eternities on right now. Only His grace can draw them from their perilous pursuits and bind them safely to Him—captive, but satisfied.

God will do this for many. Be faithful and don’t give up.

The Woman on the Right

i watch not knowing what's coming
the words foreshadow the end
but don't give it completely away
i'm curious
and yet i know somewhere inside me
where this is going

then it hits me
out of nowhere
reaches in and grabs the very deepest parts of me
tears are inevitable
mixed with understanding and relating
of knowing and sadness
they come from the very deepest parts of my soul
that sees like they do...
the ones on the left

i am moved to my core
the images and words speak right to that lie
that lie i've believed
that lie most of us have believed
i see myself as the woman on the left
don't most of us?
but they see us as we are
not as the parts we are conditioned to see

we are taught to see flaws
we are taught to see what needs fixing
we are taught that perfection is beauty
and that imperfection is just that ... imperfect
but not beautiful
the eyes that should be like hers
the lips that should be like hers
those cheekbones and perfect eyebrows
that nose
so perfectly proportioned
but look back to the childhood photo
most of the time it's just the nose someone else imagined
and then sculpted for a price

hair color, skin color, freckles or not
i wish i could be
like her
or her
maybe parts of her
definitely her skin color
my hair isn't straight enough
or curly enough
or long enough
or young enough ... anymore

i see every wrinkle
you see laugh lines
i see tired eyes
you see the sparkle within them
i see age spots
you see character
i see gray
you see wisdom
i see who i am not
but you see who i am...

the woman on the right

Standing Firm: Job Speak

Now that the worst is over, we're pleased we can report that we've come out of this with conscience and faith intact, and can face the world--and even more importantly, face you with our heads held high. But it wasn't by any fancy footwork on our part. It was God who kept us focused on him, uncompromised. 2 Corinthians 1:12 [MSG]

As I opened up today's entry on YouVersion and read these first few sentences, I felt this strong, immediate impression that I was reading it as if these words are the newest addition to Anthony's and my testimony regarding our walk through the [un]employment journey of 2012. It was so clear to me that I found myself questioning whether or not it was my soulish desire to read it like this (through the filter of believing this job opportunity is God's plan), or if it was God. But just as quickly as that thought arrived, I was reminded of this question I read somewhere:

Why is it that we constantly question the validity (or source: me or God) when Holy Spirit speaks to us, but we so readily absorb the accusations and lies of the enemy without question?

I didn't consciously try to read this through the filter of wanting (worldly) confirmation of this plan (an official job offer). It's 6:30am--early for this brain of mine--and I've been up since 5:30am, mulling over this passage of scripture for almost an hour now. When I opened my laptop I hadn't been awake but 10 minutes and my conscience thoughts were no where near related to Anthony's job. I simply popped open the day's entry and began reading. The impression was immediate and concrete: these are your words and this is My promise and confirmation.

It is my choice whether or not to allow my flesh and my enemy to convince me otherwise, but God delights in my faith and trust, and it's in Him--not myself or my accuser--that I choose to place both.

I am risking what I declare I've "heard" from God (and my soul has a way of reminding me of this every time I talk about this job opportunity) by consistently standing on the belief that this is what God has been working out for Anthony, for us, since October 2012. I've "felt it" since the first conversation Anthony had with [him]--a conversation that quickly turned into a job interview (unbeknownst to Anthony until the end of it 1.5 hours later). There was this peace, this knowing of sorts, that wrapped that evening's re-telling of Anthony's conversation with him.

Did I think back then that it would take this long for it to come to pass? Heck NO! I was thinking ... "YES! Here it finally is!" Yet here we sit, in January 2013 (almost into February) and we're still waiting for a final word ... here on earth, at least. I believe it's already been spoken in the Heavenlies.

What's interesting to me is if you read this particular passage in any other translation it doesn't read like this at all. Maybe some would say "Aha! There's the contradiction." But that doesn't take away from what or how God chose to speak to me. On the contrary, I believe The Message translation was exactly what I was supposed to read first so that He could speak this point specifically to me--not coincidence ... not contradiction ... but purpose.

As I read the above words, my spirit was buzzing a bit, asking God if today is the day we'll know. I do not know that answer; it wasn't really addressed. But I do so love when my spirit starts to flit about like a June bug, all kinds of erratic in motion. Watch a June beetle in flight; there is nothing predictable about its pattern or course because it sees differently than I do. Hmmm... catch the nuance?

So this morning I do not shrink back from the words that I've been holding onto for months now: this job opportunity IS for us; it is what God has been working out; it is the breakthrough to something new for us--not because it comes with a paycheck but also because it comes with a paycheck. Provision is part of God's plan for us and cannot be removed because someone can choose to label that "fleshy hearted". There is nothing fleshy about believing in and for God's provision; it's faith to believe God for the provision of our needs (Matthew 6:26) and the abundance to bless us above and beyond anything we could ask or imagine (Ephesians 3:21)--and I choose to stand on faith.

A couple weeks ago, as I was coming out of a weeks-long battle with a severe cold and then the flu, I remember sitting on my couch asking God for a word to get me through January. We'd had zero word about this job opportunity for weeks; between the partnership of sickness and uncertainty, my soul was dry and in need. Immediately Jeremiah 29:11 came to mind. I actually scoffed a bit thinking "That's too easy. Everyone knows that verse, God." Then I was prompted to open up Facebook--yep, I go with the flow with God like that--and the very first entry in the news feed was this verse, posted by a friend. Okay, I hear ya, God!

When I told Anthony that day that I had asked God for a word about our situation, he had the same kind of reaction to the "overtness" of this verse, actually quoting it to me before I could tell him the specific verse God had given me--more in a questioning manner than anything declarative. Isn't it funny how we can so easily discredit the Word of God because a specific verse has somehow become cliche' and "overused" in our Christian culture? (That's a rabbit trail I won't go down in this blog, but that doesn't mean it's not worth taking.)

But God was purposing to settle my heart. Scripture is never cliche' to Him. He knows His plans and it was my choice to rest in that fact ... or not. And even today, when I can't point to an offer letter or employment start date, I can point to my God and His promise:

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give hope and a future." 

I'm smiling now as I come to the end of this [note] because I realize just how much I needed to walk through this exercise of declaration, of faith, of trust and of knowing.

Unbound

Seven days ago I sat down and wrote the following blog:

"Writing is an act of worship. It's choosing perfect words and placing them in precise order. It's downloading and concentrating life's epiphanies to a microchip of influence. The purpose of taking pen in hand to illuminate the face and heart of God; and the result is to aid humankind in the process of being changed into His likeness. I can't write unless I am inspired by nothing less than Him--not my ideas or creativity or thought process or experience. Him." Bonnie Saul Wilks

It's a quiet kind of Sunday morning as I head out to my balcony, coffee and laptop in hand, chair already positioned in the shade from days ago. These times are few and far between anymore: the solitude of thought and technology woven with the warmth and peace of the unhurried sunrise.

The past few months have not held a very productive season of writing for me, and this blog shows it. Not because my heart stopped thinking or bits of heavenly revelation ceased to break through into my tiny piece of inhabited earth. Quite the contrary. There's been an abundance of life and countless ruminating moments and God ordained epiphanies. Enough that I could have been here--writing--every day.

But my daily routine--even as unroutine as it is--was flipped on its head when my husband became a full-time presence in our home. February brought unexpected news of company downsizing and with the loss of his job came the surrender of a very appreciated and helpful tool: a company laptop he used both at work and home. Owning only one laptop personally, and with lives that are greatly intertwined with the Internet, decreasing from two computers to one was a pinch deeply felt.

I once had a laptop I called "mine" (although I shared it with our kids) that allowed me the freedom to tackle the technology tethered side of my life as I pleased. Emails, spreadsheets, budget tracking, home school, bill paying, social media, reading, writing, researching, etc. were done throughout my day at will. Flexibility is not only a requirement with my role responsibilities, ironically, it's also a key factor in remaining sane on days where schedules are crazy and I log hours of chauffeur time in the car. 

But it's the sharing of this one laptop that has strictly limited my time and access, and in turn, has bound me and my words. Often I am too discouraged to write, for the choice between productivity and creativity always looms.

Writing has always been about a moment of seized opportunity--a Carpe Diem of words and time--when I can't go one more minute without allowing my fingers to speak through the keyboard, spilling inside-out my thoughts and emotions and God's unveiled truths. Purging is cathartic and necessary. When held within, too many words cause me to feel burdened. Heavy. Writing frees me. Without it, I seem to shrivel.

Sensory stimulus is also a necessary part of thought release; my linguistic spring board of sorts. A desk, an office chair and a static monitor do not stir the pot of words in my soul. Give me an open window, or better yet, an unlocked door to the bounty of life outside these four walls and it is then that I am unleashed, free to roam in contemplation and creativity.

I need to personally witness the occasional hawk soaring among the clouds of the blue sky, breathe in the fresh air, regardless of what temperature the digital thermometer reads, and listen to the harmony of a bird's song and cricket's chirp mixed with the intermittent sound of a car door closing or engine turning over. Every moment out there is the potential catalyst for a new idea recorded here.

But it's the restriction of time with this shared laptop that has bound me, and the heaviness of this word load inside me is beginning to take its toll.

I take a step outside. Butterflies are thriving this year. I don't just want to read about them through a post on someone's wall or see them via a friend's Twitpic. I want to marvel at their spotted wings and tongues that curl like cinnamon rolls with my own eyes. And those birds that are a constant presence on the rain gutter above my living room window? I want to listen to them with my own ears and wonder what they're communicating to one another ... or their Creator. Their song is like a beautiful prayer language. I don't know what is being said, I just know that they are speaking and that God is listening.

It's in moments like these where sight and sound becomes the invitation and inspiration to write.

"Open your eyes and there it is! By taking a long and thoughtful look at what God has created, people have always been able to see what their eyes as such can't see: eternal power, for instance, and the mystery of His divine being." Romans 1:20 [MSG]

I look and listen, asking for mystery to be unveiled through creation; for the Hand of Heaven to reach down and write His Words on my heart.

"God's glory is on tour in the skies, God-craft on exhibit across the horizon. Madame Day holds classes every morning, Professor Night lectures each evening. Their words aren't heard, their voices aren't recorded, but their silence fills the earth: unspoken truth is spoken everywhere. God makes a huge dome for the sun - a super dome! The morning sun's a new husband leaping from his honeymoon bed. The day-breaking sun an athlete racing to the tape." Psalm 19:1-4 [MSG]

A lone bird has flown through balcony openings between guard rail and ceiling five separate times in just as many minutes. I stop. Always stop and give an audience to the comings and goings of God's creatures. She is "this close" to me. Fluttering, even pausing mid-air, repetitively looking for a place to land. But rest is not found here for her. I want to capture this moment on film, but the thought comes too late. Her investigation has concluded and a subsequent choice to locate a wider beam is made. As she flies away, I wonder if God's creatures are as fascinated with my movements and sounds as I am with theirs? I shake my head in answer to my own question. Probably not. He did not create us for them, but them for us. 

I pause to ponder and stop to see, soaking in what can only be enjoyed in moments of intermission, and I realize how much I have missed these writing recesses--deliberate sojourns in my day taken with the sole purpose of becoming and transcribing inspiration--of hearing Him in bird's song, seeing Him in soaring wings and inhaling Him in morning breeze. With this computer in my lap, I record much of what I experience--embers of ideas holding the potential of completed word offerings.

But it's the sharing of this laptop that has bound me and my words and restricted my access to opportunities like these. Or has it?

Oh, how a week can change circumstances, even when nothing but perspective is shifted. Let me explain...

In April, Anthony and I were meeting with a friend at church (actually he was meeting and I was tagging along). Through our discussion said friend concluded correctly that as a family we were sharing one laptop and popped up with, "Could you guys use an iMac? It's an older one, but I don't use it anymore and would love to bless your family." Whaaaat? Within 24 hours we had the computer in our home and set up at the family desk. Every time I walked by it I was blown away by God's goodness and the utmost generosity of this friend.

What tickled me even more was that four years earlier Anthony had shown me an iMac at the Apple store in Southlake and told me that it was the computer he wanted for our family, but we weren't in a place of needing or affording a new system. Within that time frame we went from four computers to one: two Windows desktops crashed (because that's just what they do) and my MacBook died (because I accidentally spilled some coffee on it), and we've been operating with our lone laptop for the past year.

With this gift, God not only doubled the computer access in our home but, more significantly, He also blessed us with the very computer my husband had desired for our family. That's not just provision but Ephesians 3:20 abundance.

Here's how I tie today's thoughts with the blog above: When we brought the iMac home we had the choice of using it as our family computer or setting it up in our bedroom (which is also Anthony's office) and allowing the family to use the laptop. We decided the iMac was the better choice for the family for three reasons: the MB Pro has years of life on it for both Anthony and me, the substantial monitor on the iMac allows us to easily view what our kids are doing on the internet and it just made sense because it was the very system Anthony had talked about for years. So I moved the files I absolutely needed from the laptop to the iMac and relished, albeit shortly, the opportunity to accomplish my responsibilities during daytime hours instead of waiting until evening when Anthony could relinquish the laptop.

What I quickly discovered was that everything I worked on, from finances to personal email, was visible to anyone who walked by because our family computer is located in a high traffic area and the large iMac monitor puts everything on easy display. On the creative scale, I found writing difficult because "A desk, an office chair and a static monitor (facing a blank wall) do not stir the pot of words in my soul."

Within weeks I curtailed my usage on the iMac until the kids had gone to bed (for privacy) and found myself right back in the same quandary I had previously been in when sharing the laptop: working and writing later in the night, or not at all, because daytime hours contained obstacles and evening hours were filled with dinner, family time and chauffeuring responsibilities. The iMac was a huge blessing and joy for our kids, and for that I was over-the-moon thankful, but it just wasn't working for me. Or was it?

Fast forward 60 days, past April's gift and last Sunday's lament, to yesterday's epiphany that brought a large slice of freedom to our household ... okay, really to me. While working at the iMac God asked me, "Why is the static computer out here and the portable laptop in there (our bedroom) when Anthony is always sitting at the desk working? Wouldn't it make more sense to bring the laptop out here so that you can have the freedom you need to unplug and move about?"

*Insert the sound of God's common sense brick hitting me upside the head*

[And there's a bonus ... the kids don't even have to touch the laptop because we have an external mouse and keyboard attached, and we can still see their movement on the internet because we have a large dual monitor set up next to it.]

"There is a way that seems right to man, but in the end it leads to death." Proverbs 14:12

Allow me a little latitude with this scripture. I know it references our choices in life leading to eternal death, but on a surface level it fits this situation. For months I had been shriveling (dieing) inside--from a way that seemed right--when the answer was in front of me the entire time. God had not only provided a second computer to solve the laptop sharing dilemma, but had also made a way for the flexibility (life) my soul craved. My eyes were so focused on the what-made-the-most-sense-details that I completely missed the forest for the trees. I can hear Gateway's freedom teaching resounding in my head now: "We have to get you to remove your hand from in front of your face so God can show you the bigger picture."

And yes, in case you doubted, God is interested in and even cares about the seemingly insignificant "life problems" such as how to best share computers because we're told that "the very hairs on our heads are numbered" (Luke 12:7), and that seems like pretty useless information to me.

Hand gone. Vision caught. Problem solved. Freedom found.

I am now unbound.

Beauty Redefined

Source: sundayinbed.tumblr.com via Babs on Pinterest

"I am weathered but still elegant ..." Song of Solomon 1:5 {TheMessage}

Grace Breeds Grace

"Grace breeds grace and gives you eyes to see the person, not the offense."

Good Lawd, Ris, you could have just written that sentence and it would have been enough to slay me, but then you followed up with these words:

"It was hard because my heart wanted to hold on to judgment, but God was prodding it towards grace. He almost always wants to do that if we let him."

"Our marriages are living, ever-changing exchanges between two imperfect people that need to daily draw from grace."

I asked HolySpirit this morning to speak into me perspective, because last night I went to bed frustrated and miffed, and in all honesty, woke up that way too.

And then I opened my email and saw the title of this article sitting there, waiting for me. "The.Gracious.Wife." I had to grab a fresh cup of coffee because I just knew I was going to be wooed out of my pity-party and into the wise lap of my Father who understands my emotions, but more importantly, desires to align my heart with His.

Sometimes alignment hurts. Even more so, it's humbling because it requires choice. I can choose grace this morning, or I can choose offense. Oh, how my flesh desires the second choice. But, the Spirit of God ... well, He knows the beauty of grace and sings over me loud enough to cover the grumblings of my selfish soul.

Am I Willing?

Coincidence? I don't believe in coincidence.

"This line soaked deep into me. It made me wonder how many moments we experience on a day-to-day basis are arranged by God - for us - for our refreshment and strengthening. How many do we miss? Surely He is bigger than just one interaction. We praise Him for the one. But if we were willing, would we be more overwhelmed by His care for us than our concerns?" [coli jones]

One comment to what was already written stirs a continuation of thought. Causes me to pause and ponder.

If we were habitually obedient to write for the naked eye what HolySpirit purposes to write on the flesh of our hearts, how would our sight be refocused and refined? How much more would we find ourselves in the state of partnering with the Source of Inspiration to inspire the same in others?

... if we were willing - not just to see - but to ask to be shown.

And then He stirs again. "Define. Wholly understand. Don't assume you've mastered the words I chose to whisper. Knowing will both help you recognize their worth and affect your appreciation of the 'why' behind them."

Inspire: to affect, guide or arouse by divine influence.

Habit: a recurrent, often unconscious pattern of behavior that is acquired through frequent repetition; an established disposition (tendency) of the mind or character.

Obey: to fulfill or carry out the command, order or instruction of.

(re)Focus: a condition in which something can be clearly seen … (re) again.

Refine: to reduce to a pure state; purify.

Can you see it? The common thread woven from the first word to the last? [divine influence. unconscious pattern. fulfill. see clearly. purify.]

Not everyone would define themselves a writer; one who writes. A lover of the written word, both to take in and pour out. I write because I listen with my fingers. But don't allow the verb to trip you up. Communication into us and out of us is the focal point; not the specific way in which it is expressed. 

HolySpirit chose 'write' for me because words are, to me, like the time signature to the composer; the empty canvas to the painter; the lens to the photographer; the musical key to the singer. 

Too artsy? 

How about the baseball grip to the pitcher? The syllabus to the teacher? The soil to the gardener? The fabric to the designer? The wood to the carpenter? 

The verb is the action of what we do naturally. The way in which we see. The language used to inspire and drive and compel. The essence of desire. The push and pull of purpose. The beginning of vision and the motivation of fruition.

It is how we communicate because it is the way in which communication was first spoken into us, creating who we are and the way we see, hear, feel, touch and sense. 

"How many moments ... do we miss?", she wonders. I wonder, too. 

Maybe the real question is: Am I willing?

The Contradiction

"The contradiction [of difficulty in the midst of purpose] IS evidence that God's with you. Because in the difficulty of purpose, you won't make it without Him. Difficulty requires faith to believe I was chosen for a purpose beyond my capabilities. And that this purpose is mine because God chose me to accomplish it. [Chose {ME}!] A burden in purpose is not always what we make of it. Glory is heavy. Don't confuse Glory with burden. Every purpose requires God to fulfill it."

This is revelation Pastor Marcus delivered before we headed into Pastor Robert's message yesterday morning. It was so heaven-sent for me. So needed.

I've been questioning [and complaining, whining and tantrum-throwing] a specific purpose of mine in marriage since having {this} purpose revealed to me in a conversation with Marcus. Hmmm ... interesting that the revelation of purpose and revelation of difficulty of purpose was spoken through the same man. Coincidence? Hardly.

But, in true focused-on-my-circumstances fashion, with the thought that God CHOSE {me} for this, came the questions, "What about me? When's it my turn?" Oh, I think about what my natural reaction would be if this was the response of my child after receiving revelation and am THANKFUL that God is not like me. And then I ask, in full understanding, that He continue to work on my heart to become more like Him.

If godly purpose was easy to fulfill--easy according to my flesh--then it wouldn't be of God.

I'm shaking my head today realizing that even after receiving this revelation in the morning, I still didn't chose to walk in the truth of it throughout the day.

"Truth [revelation] that is not applied will never change you." Mike Guzzardo from All In

Revelationary Change

"Today we started dreaming again. God has such big dreams for us, but we can't see them with our heads buried in 'today'. Looking up and out!"

That was my tweet from late last night, after a time of pre-prayer conversation followed by a time of prayer with my Groom.

Since we committed two nights ago to bring 'together prayer' back to our daily life-the one thing we know can make the most impact and bring about the change and growth we can't even imagine to ask for-HolySpirit (I'm borrowing the no-space spelling from You, friend) has shown up. Like I thought he wouldn't?

Monday night he lightened our hearts with laughter. Last night he inspired us with revelation.

I asked Anthony if we could talk about what we wanted to pray for first, that way we were moving into our time together with unified minds and hearts instead of just going through our individual check lists from the day. My spirit was stirring with a desire to not fall into the mundane pit of talking to God about today's needs, but step out into what lies beyond ... dreams, hopes, aspirations.

It's not that I want to ignore what sits in front of us, but the thought "God knows your needs" was swirling in me. HolySpirit was speaking into bigger; for us not to get so trapped in our concerns that we neglect reaching up into God's dreams for us and our future.

In the midst of this, I said to Anthony, "Think of it as Visionary Prayer" and it was like [someone] turned a light bulb on in his heart. HolySpirit spoke right into his sweet spot. Anthony is created as a big picture thinker. The idea creator. The Visionary. How cool of HolySpirit to speak those words to him and open up a world of prayer that hadn't crossed his mind before.

Anthony even said to me, "Why have I not thought of that?"; not in a "I can't believe YOU had that thought instead of me" way [because in reality it wasn't my thought], but in a sincere boggling-of-his-mind-kind-of-way because the thought was so logical that it seemed so obvious. Like ... DUH!

Anthony casts vision all day at work. It's one of his God-given gifts. But HolySpirit woke him up last night to the place he's never considered using that gift ... his home.

Having a front row seat to a revelatory moment is sweet. I saw the light bulb go off. I watched something happen in his heart. I was there to experience another layer of heaven open up and become visible to Anthony. Inspiration and Motivation and Revelation all birthed out of one sentence from Holy Spirit:

"Think of it as Visionary Prayer."

Love Revelation #2

On February 11, I blogged about the Love Revelation that came from a conversation with my SisNBff that day. Today, I believe God revealed another part to that revelation.

While the words "No. I don't love you." may sound like the cruelest thing you can say to someone; or hear come out of your own mouth; or be the words that divulge the deepest secret of your soul you wish no one would uncover, God pricked my brain with a thought about this:

"Acknowledging the real condition of your heart is simply the first step to no longer living in your false understanding of love. Now I can teach you what LOVE IS so you can fully understand what [love is not]."

[my] Love

Since the days of the Love Revelation: "Real love is not having a human reaction to failure", God has been using my days to show me exactly what [my] love looks like. Today I was able to speak the words, "My love will always be ugly because it's human. And love birthed out of me--and not Jesus--will always be selfish, full of expectation and conditional."

It's like a veil has been pulled back and [my] love is being exposed for what it really is. It is full of [I]. I want, I expect, I believe, I feel, I see ... and it all revolves around what love [is] and is [not] according to ... duh duh na na ... ME!

Even the parts of love where I would have said "Yeah, I love well [there]" isn't what I thought it was because it's still my definition of how I love. The missing piece? Human love (and all we define it to be) can never be compared to the love Jesus can--and desires to--implant in our hearts. It is the antithesis of 1 Corinthians 13. No matter how much we try to fool ourselves, we do not personify this chapter of the Bible:

• Human Love does not bear up under anything and everything that comes.
• Human Love is not always ready to believe the best of every person.
• The hope of Human Love fades with circumstances.
• Human Love does not endure everything without weakening. 

And those four things don't even cover all of the attributes of the Love chapter! What??? There's MORE?!?!

What about "not keeping a record of wrongs"? Oh, how human that one particular trait is of our love. I know this because God tells me that [he keeps no record of my wrongs]. But how often our human hearts deliver the blow of "I remember, and I'm not going to let you forget".

What Jesus is doing is showing me that everything I thought love to be is not love. He's blowing it all out of the water--burning it away with Holy fire--so that He can replace it with His love.

1 Corinthians 13 was not written about a love we should attain to, or replicate and live out the best we can ... in and under our ability. It was written to describe Jesus: Love Personified. We're not born with it. We can't learn it, no matter how many books we read. We will never figure it out, no matter how many days we're given. We will only receive it by the power of Holy Spirit and a supernatural heart transplant.

The Day-After-Love-Day

Today is February 15th, which means yesterday was Valentine's Day. In the most unexpected way, it turned out to be one of the most special days for me. I was treated to a fabulash lunch (yummy avocado rolls and pear endive salad, {our} constant go-to even though we always look at the menu first) by the one person who just has a natural way of drawing me into God's presence while still carrying on conversation. It's what I treasure most about her.

Yesterday showed me, even though I wasn't looking for it, that a day centered on Love Commercialized doesn't have to be something to retreat from--it can be conquered in new ways by shifting all that Love Focus in the right direction ... Jesus.

Four hours sitting on the patio of Cheesecake Factory, while the sun warmed the deepest parts of us, seemed to whiz by. Without a call from my daughter at 4:30pm, I think we would have still been sitting there when the dinner crowd came and went and probably only noticed the time when the sun began to set. Seriously ... that's how deep and unaware of the outside world our conversation was. It was revelation after revelation. Almost too much at times. I'm not sure today how much I actually took in versus heard and agreed with.

So today, the Day-After-Love-Day, I need to process and sit before God. I need to know what He said that applies for my 'now' versus what was a seed planted for my 'tomorrow'.

Thank you, friend--my Heart Treasure--for giving me a Love Day that was just the beginning of future years filled with a different perspective of what LOVE is REALLY all about.

An Expanded Promise

This morning I was sitting on the couch, house quiet because kids were still asleep, cuddled up in a blanket with a fresh cup of "Joy, Joy, Joy!" at my side, reading through scripture; specifically the passage that God has given me for 2011 from Isaiah 43.

This is what the LORD says— 
   he who made a way through the sea, 
   a path through the mighty waters, 
¹⁷ who drew out the chariots and horses, 
   the army and reinforcements together, 
and they lay there, never to rise again, 
   extinguished, snuffed out like a wick: 
¹⁸ “Forget the former things; 
   do not dwell on the past. 
¹⁹ See, I am doing a new thing! 
   Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? 
I am making a way in the wilderness 
   and streams in the wasteland.


I was letting His Words run through my veins, filling me up for today. Soaking in His promise is a strong desire for me, stronger than I've ever known; partly because I am learning of the purpose of promise and the necessity of choosing sides. But also because I'm continually growing in my understanding of washing with the Word and filling with it too.

[I will have this passage memorized soon so that I can pull from it every time the enemy comes to whisper a lie about God's promise and attempts to pull the rug out from under my feet]

As I was reading, I continued through verses 20 & 21. I couldn't believe that they had not stood out for me so prominently last week. Maybe it was the translation I was reading? Maybe it was purposed that way. But I saw a continued promise in them, one so appropriately tied into my 2011 passage.

²⁰ The wild animals honor me, 
   the jackals and the owls, 
because I provide water in the wilderness 
   and streams in the wasteland, 
to give drink to my people, my chosen, 
 ²¹ the people I formed for myself 
   that they may proclaim my praise.

I love that God has chosen to expand my understanding of why this promise. After the revelation Wednesday night regarding water and words (Dinner Prophecy) these two verses are a necessary part of the promise. Water is not only a biological necessity for our survival (God provides for our physical needs), but the water of Holy Spirit (the waterfall of words) is necessary not only for our spiritual survival but reNEWal. And all of this provision, whether it be physical or spiritual, is given for one purpose:
 
"...that they may proclaim my praise"!

The Promise

"God is going to come and whisper a promise to many of you."

Pastor Brady Boyd's prophetic words from his Luke 1 message on December 5th.

I was in my prayer closet this afternoon asking for the words God had for Jason (for this season in his life). In the midst of hearing and writing, I laid down to get temporarily lost in a worship song. It just felt like the thing to do. 

As I was singing I stopped and spoke out loud, "God, what is your promise?" Instantly, these words came to my heart: "I will walk with you through everything; the highs and the lows." I grabbed my journal and wrote them down and waited for more. Surely there had to be more. Maybe I had interrupted Holy Spirit's download when I bolted up to get my journal. So I waited, and waited, and waited some more. But nothing more came. 

And then I asked God, "Is that it?" I didn't mean is that all there is, like I had just been jipped or something. I was asking if that was the complete promise or if He had something more to say. Yep, that's His promise. Okay. A promise doesn't have to be long and complicated. I accept that and receive it.

So I asked for a confirmation through scripture. I wanted to know what He had to say through His Word. This is what I directed to read:

This is what God says, the God who builds a road right through the ocean, who carves a path through pounding waves.

The God who summons horses and chariots and armies—they lie down and then can't get up; they're snuffed out like so many candles:
"Forget about what's happened; don't keep going over old history. Be alert, be present. I'm about to do something brand-new. It's bursting out! Don't you see it? There it is! I'm making a road through the desert and rivers in the badlands."
~ Isaiah 43:16-21 [The Message]

If I join both the Promise and the scripture I get this: He will be with us in every moment regardless of our perception of it being high or low. He is a God who does the impossible, and He is charging us to stay present as He births something new in our lives.

Amen and AMEN!

Lessons from a Black Jack Table

"All of my chips are on the table. Even when it's mysterious, risky or dangerous, I'll say yes."

This is one of the points that stood out for me when I was listening to Pastor Brady's message Luke 1. (If you are reading this and are confused as to where this comes from, go back and read my three previous blogs for the whole back story.)

I had to include the reference of "all my chips are on the table" because it so instantly resonated with my time at Anthony's Christmas party this past Friday evening. With it being a casino night, we were all given $3,000 of fun money. I played on the black jack table because it's a card game I know well. Before the night was over that original $3,000 had grown into $300,000! I didn't have it all at one time, but I had winnings of $100,000-$150,000 at any given time. 

What I remember so distinctly, though, is my goal to win enough hands to be able to earn one Pink chip worth $10,000. That is the photo above that Anthony took because I was so excited when that goal was hit. I was jumping up and down! And then that one pink chip grew because I was willing to risk what I had. 

At one point, Curtis -- Anthony's co-worker -- had a pink chip of his own. He asked me to bet mine and he would bet his. I was so nervous. I had worked hard for that chip and even though it didn't really belong to me I didn't want to risk losing it on one hand of black jack. But then Anthony said, "Go big or go home." I was IN! It turns out I had a hand that allowed me a great opportunity to 'double-down'. I had to put up another $10,000 on this ONE hand. "Go big or go home", right? So I scraped up my other winnings and put them in. I could barely look. I was either hitting it big or I was out of the game. And it hit! I won $40,000 on that ONE hand; and then the winnings just continued to increase from there. 

Once I moved past the initial fear of that first big hand, the thrill of being able to do it again was contagious. I remember saying how fun it was to be able to venture out where I wouldn't in real life because the money wasn't mine to begin with. It was all going back to the 'house' at the end of the night anyway. 

As I listened to the podcast, I was reminded of this night: the (almost) terror of letting go of something I had worked for and wanted so badly; the excitement of making the decision to put it all out there whether it came back or not; and the thrill of watching what I was willing to give up not only come back but be doubled, tripled and quadrupled.

A turning point in the night? Betting $100,000 on one hand of black jack not caring whether or not I won it back. By that time I had put so many large bets on the table that it no longer felt right settling on something smaller. I had gone with smaller amounts because that's all I was able to put up, but now I had the opportunity to risk more and I wasn't turning back.

And then the sweetest moment was saved for last. I held onto one Pink chip throughout the night. It just felt right. We soon heard of a sweet lady on another table who wanted so badly to win enough for "one pink chip". After my last hand, I walked over and gave her mine. I had already been overwhelmingly blessed with 30 throughout the night and I  wanted her to know the thrill of that one pink chip. 

Can you see where this is all going? the metaphor God was unveiling through a simple night of fun at a company Christmas party? 

Although gambling fun money at a black jack table is not the same as giving to someone in need from your own bank account, their is a beautiful message that translates to God's promises of giving: we have to be willing to let go of that which we've worked for and strived to build up, because in reality, it doesn't belong to us anyway; it belongs to the House.

Unwavering Faith Confirmed

"God is going to come and whisper a promise to many of you."

Laying in bed last night, I found myself unable to fall asleep. I just wasn't tired. So out came the iPod. Time to plug into my step-Pastor, Brady Boyd, and see what God was speaking through him this week.

Side note: I call Pastor Brady my step-Pastor because this past summer I began reading his blog, which prompted the thought to check out his podcasts. Although I never got the chance to hear him preach while he was still with Gateway, he's come back as a guest speaker several times since his move to New Life three years ago. Each time I have been blown away by his teaching. So, this summer I downloaded every message to a series titled Supernatural that he did from January through March of this year. It was so good, so rich, so full of truth and heavenly teaching, that I've listened to every message from that point forward. It has taken quite a bit of time to play catch up because many messages I listen to 3-5 a piece, but I now can say that I am at the point of waiting for the next week to roll around so I can listen to my step-Pastor teach.   :)

Seeing the title of the message, Luke 1, I assume he's starting a Christmas series. Nice. Most pastors only do one Christmas message a year, so I'm kind of excited to see what's coming. Yeah, well. All I can say is this was NOT your ordinary Christmas message by any shake of the tail. As a matter of fact, I'm STILL reeling from the fact that I was expecting "sweet baby Jesus lying in a manger" and I got hit upside the heart with a message on the promises of God; and received total confirmation that what God was speaking to me earlier in the day was not misheard or misunderstood.

I'm simply going to re-write the notes and direct quotes I took from this message:

• "God is going to come and whisper a promise to many of you." Pastor Brady spoke these as prophetic words and I received them knowing full well I was one of the many.
• The people who believe that whatever God says He can do, these are those with great purpose.
• If you believe it then God will come to you and give you something beyond your abilities--almost impossible--unnatural. This is the test of what you really believe.
• Will you nod with your head AND follow with your heart? Will you move forward when He calls you to the impossible?
• Yet Abraham did not waiver in his unbelief. He was fully persuaded that what God promises, God does.
• All of my chips are on the table. Even when it's mysterious, risky or dangerous, I'll say yes. 
• I don't have any preconceived ideas about 'how' it will happen, but I trust and believe in Your ability.
• God is able if we are willing.
• The journey is about trusting God for every moment; not with a lack of wisdom but with reckless abandon. (I LOVED THIS!!! This was my word!)

"He did not waiver at the promise of God through unbelief, but was strengthened in faith, giving glory to God, and being fully convinced that what He had promised He was also able to perform." Romans 4:18-20

As I listened to this message I hit God up with this question: "God, what is your promise? I know what you want--I know what you've spoken to my heart regarding finances--but what is the promise?"

I know, without doubt, that we will follow what He's asked, but I don't want to pull a promise out of hat that seems to go along with this. I want a specific promise from God. And I'm praying for that.

Obey Irrationally. Give Extravagantly.

I just love it when God sneaks up on me and allows Holy Spirit to douse me with revelation in the same way a winning coach gets doused with Gatorade at the end of a championship game. Although I've come to expect revelation because that's just how God works, I love the unexpected nature and timing in which He works. It's refreshing and exhilarating all at the same time.

So, I'm listening to our guest speaker for the weekend, Craig Groeschel from LifeChurch, and it's one of those messages where you just know it's gonna be good. Two of his talking points were:

1. Obey Irrationally
2. Give Extravagantly

Apparently there was a third point, but I must have missed it while I was furiously writing down what Holy Spirit was depositing in me. I will be going back to listen to this message again, but I was told by the kids that point #3 is "they (those who obey and give) do what other's believe cannot be done." Glad to know they were paying attention!!! :)

In the midst of the message, Craig delivers a great one-liner: "Don't increase your standard of living. Increase your standard of giving."

ZING! Those words resonated with me immediately and brought back to mind another one-liner I held onto from Francis Chan's Crazy Love: "When it's hard and you are doubtful, give more."

I will not rabbit trail here when I so easily could, I will simply state that God has been carefully depositing wisdom riches into my heart regarding Giving; and it's been a fun 6-month journey (so far) of transformation, bit by small bit.

Back to the present. As soon as those golden nuggets wash across my thoughts, Holy Spirit begins to speak instruction and revelation regarding our recent financial change, and I wrote down what I "heard":

1. Our [monthly] salary is decreasing so let's increase our tithe.
2. Let's do an offering by giving all of December's provision [back] to God.
3. The payroll schedule change is not meant as a detriment to us but as a way to free up money for extravagant giving. Those 3rd paychecks in July and December (2011) are not ours but His, and we are to seek Holy Spirit for guidance in how we are to give them away according to God's plan and purpose. This change is His gift to us. It's not to take [from] us but to take us [to] another level of giving.

Now let me add my thoughts...

1. Increasing our monthly tithe percentage makes NO sense at all to the human mind because our monthly salary is going to reduce, not increase, come January. Living on less, we're to give more? Yep. That's what I heard as clear as day. Okay.
2. It was comforting to know God had provided a little cushion for December, a month that always seems to be a bit more costly than others. Now we're to give that back to God. Okay.
3. As I wrote in the previous blog, I wasn't nervous about the change, I just couldn't put my finger on the purpose of the plan. Well, God didn't waste much time in fleshing that plan out for us. We're being invited to a Higher Place and we must journey with a willing attitude of sacrifice. Okay.

After the message is over, I'm practically bouncing around (inside) waiting to share this revelation with Anthony. What's ironic is that even though I'm speaking words that make zero sense on paper, there's an unmistakable excitement brewing in me--one that defies human logic or intellect. 

[I] would never have thought of increasing tithe on reduced income. 

[I] would never have thought to give back December's provision. 

[I] would never have planned setting aside whole paychecks so they could be used for extravagant giving. 

What is so utterly reassuring about all of this is that God's plans leave no room for me to take any credit for any of this. We should be shaking in our boots wondering how this is all going to work out. Instead, we're smiling because we have no idea how all of this is going to work out. There is a peace that passes all human understanding in this. And that is why our only possible answer - and first reaction - is YES!

Obey Irrationally and Give Extravagantly!

a NEW journey has begun

I am making myself sit down today and purge all that is in my heart and head from the past ... well, I guess today would make it one week. And I am going to use bullet points to purposely make my brain think more concisely (knowing my tendency towards verboseness), although concise may still be a bit lengthy. Here goes:

1. On November 16 we got some good financial news. My first response was a big Thank You to God because all good things come from Him. My next thought was this "knowing in my knower" that He had just provided for a need we didn't know was coming. I even verbalized this to Anthony. That's the truth. I just knew there was another purpose for [this] and I was completely okay with that. God was providing. That's all that mattered.
2. Last Monday (November 30) I sat down to do a little financial figuring because Anthony's benefits re-enrollment for 2011 was upon us. Three hours later, after figuring in the rising cost of benefits, I had a pretty good snapshot of how 2011 would play out for us on paydays. And then...
3. Anthony came home with news that some things were changing at his company and a couple of those changes would affect us financially. One of those changes was a more-than-likely removal of a monthly expense reimbursement. That "knowing" in point #1 now made sense. Okay. God had arranged for provision before we even knew we needed it. I'm THANKFUL! And then...
4. Anthony shared that payroll was changing. The company was moving from a bi-monthly to bi-weekly pay schedule effective January; from 24 to 26 paychecks annually. Hmmm. That means two extra paychecks a year but less money in each check. And with the way Fridays run in 2011, we won't see that extra check until the end of July. So...
5. All this means that, come January, our monthly income will be reduced from what we currently live on today. Not the way I had thought it would all flesh out, but I wasn't nervous; I just couldn't put my finger on any kind of plan that would help this make sense. Interesting. And yet...
6. When I shared all of this with Coli, there was an excitement and a tangible sense of peace about it all. Having our financial picture change - for what seems the worse - in just a little under a month meant that however it all worked out we couldn't take any of the credit for it. God is not surprised (the one Christian cliche' I actually do love and use). And there were two thoughts that stood out in my heart...
7. With this move from Keller to NRH (and from a house to an apartment) came a theme to a current journey we're walking: SIMPLIFY. In my blog Closure on Moving, I wrote about God's confirmation in 1 Kings 17 and what I discovered about the Brook Cherith. Cherith (in Hebrew) means to cut away or cut off. Well, maybe this payroll change is another step on that journey of learning how to live with less; of learning how to cut even deeper. And then...
8. God could very well be priming us to watch Him work; he could be putting us in such a place of dependency that in order to really make this work, He will have to come through in another way. Anthony's paychecks, the very thing we work our budget around, are not going to provide in the same way we have grown used to. Okay. Yet still...
9. It could not just be (A) Cutting back, or (B) God providing and getting all the glory, but it could be (C) A combination of both. What if we'll not only learn how to live differently [again] but also watch God provide in ways that we wouldn't even think to ask or imagine? And then...
10. Sunday morning's message happens and God speaks like crazy! 

And here is where I break this blog up for the purpose of time, length and an easy to archive format. 

Understanding Tears

"...tears are simply the heart’s language when words aren’t enough."

Hmmm...those are words from Jesus straight to my heart today. To make a LONG story short, I've always "prided" myself on not being a crier. I think there's a freedom class I missed back in my childhood about the purpose of tears ;) Anyhoo, God has been unveiling in me - over the past month or so - a new heart. A big part of that process is peeling off layers of junk that stand in the way of feeling (cuz when you can't feel as much, you don't hurt as much). I've been finding myself tearing up in conversations over things I wouldn't have budged at [emotionally] before. I've even joked that this whole process is revealing a mushy part of my heart that I didn't even know existed. It's wonderful but a little scary at the same time. Vulnerability is so much more exposing than strength.

Wow, okay. I didn't mean to write that much! The short end to this long story? Your description of tears was that sweet answer for me that cuddles up and relaxes into the corner of my heart. Tears aren't a sign of weakness, they are "the language of my heart when words aren't enough". 

This is part of my comment on a blog I read this morning on Destiny In Bloom. As so often happens with blog comments, Holy Spirit unpacks more meaning as I write, which is why I have to make those comments their own blogs - my journal stone- so I can hold onto the revelation for myself here.

Peer Pressure

Last night I [intended] to drop Teighlor off at an event going on at Gateway for girls 7th-12th grade - Pretty In Pink - and then head home. [On a whim], after seeing the way the lobby was specially decorated, I double-parked the car and decided to quickly go in and check out the sanctuary. [By chance] I ran into Brittney who [randomly] suggested that I stay for the evening. After all, there were just as many moms hanging out as there were girls attending. With worship already started, I thought, "why not stay for worship?" I always love me some time to soak up God's presence through song.

Well, that time of worship turned into staying the for entire event, and after re-parking my car, I came to discover that all of that [randomness] was not random at all ... God had something specific to speak into my heart.

After worship, a guest speaker and a break for re-fueling on sugar, the 2nd half of the night consisted of a panel discussion with nine women on stage, ranging in age from 22 to 46. They had topics they were discussing from questions sent in by girls prior to the event. Most of the talk revolved around dating, boys, friendship, and purity; but one thing that was said by the matriarch of the group felt like it was thrown in just for me.

As Peer Pressure was being discussed, Penny Spurling threw out a zinger (for me, anyway). She said something to the effect of, "Girls, just let me tell you now, peer pressure never goes away. So you need to decide now where you're going to stand on this subject. I'm 46 and still dealing with peer pressure but on a different level. Adult peer pressure revolves around "Do I drive the right car?", "Do I live in a big enough home?", "Am i dressed in the right fashions, bought from the right store?", "Is my home decorated in the right standard?", etc. There is pressure to live up to other people's standards. It's my job to decide what to do with that. I can live under the constant strain of that pressure or I can rely on who I am in Christ and rest in that." [And maybe she didn't say every word I've written here, but God expanded her words and their meaning in my heart, as He so often does when He speaks supernaturally.]

As those words were coming out of her mouth, it seemed as if they were illuminated with the light of truth; and God began to show me the ways in which I've allowed myself to fall under the weight of peer pressure. I won't go into them here because the details of past experiences aren't the point of this blog. What is important - and what Holy Spirit pierced my heart with - is the truth that I have a choice and the choice is all mine. I can allow pressure to keep me from attending events or believing that I belong, or I can rest in WHO I am in Christ, confident that who overcomes all the whats.

This is not to say that the pressure to conform will never rear its ugly head again; quite the contrary, it will always be knocking at my door. But I now have a revelation of heart-piercing truth to fall back on. This truth may be a "DUH" moment for others, but I've found that what may appear to be "DUH" moments for others are always the most revelatory and change-inspiring moments for me. DUH means simplicity to me, and God always has a way of taking the way people like to complicate His truth and making it simple for me. It's not that God is simple to me ... far from it. I just know that God doesn't desire His truth to be complicated. If it was, we'd be left trying to figure it out. So He simplifies it and leaves us no room to fully understand the revelation He unpacks for our hearts.

"Do not be conformed to this world (this age), [fashioned after and adapted to its external, superficial customs], but be transformed (changed) by the [entire] renewal of your mind [by its new ideals and its new attitude], so that you may prove [for yourselves] what is the good and acceptable and perfect will of God, even the thing which is good and acceptable and perfect [in His sight for you]." Romans 12:2