Trust

TRUST.

That is the very word Holy Spirit spoke to me last night in church--the word God highlighted as my area of needed breakthrough from the message shared by Pastor Robert.

I believed he was going to speak finances, and then maybe even marriage or restoration of broken relationships on the side, but he spoke trust. Honestly, I was a bit surprised when the word popped up before I could even finish the question, and I just as quickly asked God "why that word?"

You see, anyone who has walked this past year with us knows that it's been a season of both financial struggle and also of unexpected provision, of pressing into God to hear his plan and obeying even when it sounded contrary to popular opinion. We've been united on this path to something new almost every step of the way, and I only use 'almost' because a year of wandering requires a lot of steps to be taken, and along the way we've both tripped and fallen--stumbled over faith and reason. We've sat down on the side of the road to question if we'd heard clearly and sometimes we cried out when silence was all we could hear. There have been days when his faith was strong and mine was lacking and vice versa, and days when we both borrowed faith from others. Days when what or how or even why was used for more prevalently than promise, trust or believe.

Here we sit on the precipice of our future. Tomorrow marks the first day of our something new that I wrote about here. And yet the promise "to prosper you and not to harm you; plans to give you hope and a future" (Jer 29:11) is still just that ... our future. Tomorrow's work will not pay yesterday's responsibilities or the ones that come today or the ones that are already on the horizon before our future meets up with our present. And it's daunting, to say the least. A bit scary, to be totally honest. Our future holds such promise, but today's needs overshadow our future promise like a monstrous obstacle. And when sat side-by-side next to someone else's need, ours may seem like a drop in a bucket, but they're still ours ... and they must be met before our something new can fully provide for our future.

And so we sat in church yesterday. And when I asked God at the end of the message what area he wanted me most to focus on for immediate breakthrough, I fully expected to hear him say "finances". It is, after all, the most glaringly obvious choice. But he surprised me, as he so often does, and spoke trust. And so I asked him why. And he answered:

I spoke trust because if I have breakthrough with you in this area then you will fully trust me for all of the other areas (both known and unknown) where breakthrough is also needed ... and they will be taken care of.

Hand in hand we walked to the altar for prayer and were met by the smile of a man he knows better than I, but one I trust because he did first. And he prayed for us; and thanked God for our something new with us; and cried out for supernatural provision over our yesterday and today needs; and called out for our mailbox to be a place of miracles; and for God to be given glory for the testimony he was going to write in our lives as we stand in the gap between our year-long journey that's about to end and our future that is just within arms reach.

And I'm choosing to trust. Trust that God will provide in ways that I can't even begin to ask for. Not because he considers us his charity case, but His children.

In the blog I linked to above, I opened it with this passage of scripture:

Now that the worst is over, we're pleased we can report that we've come out of this with conscience and faith intact, and can face the world--and even more importantly, face you with our heads held high. But it wasn't by any fancy footwork on our part. It was God who kept us focused on him, uncompromised. 2 Corinthians 1:12 [MSG]

When God speaks to us from His Word, it IS a promise that we are to hold onto. By choosing trust, I am choosing to also hold onto this promise when we will say "now that the worst is over...". While we cannot say that just yet, it's coming. This gap is all that stands between us and our future.

Last night, before we stood to go up for prayer, a woman sitting next to me handed me four notecards with handwritten Bible verses on them. She told me that one of them was for me but she didn't know which one. I didn't look at them until we were walking out of the sanctuary. The one that (I knew when I read it) was for me was the last card, and the tears rolled down as I read His reminder to me:

But God's not finished. He's waiting around to be gracious to you. He's gathering strength to show mercy to you. God takes time to do everything right--everything. Those who wait around for Him are the lucky ones. Isaiah 30:18

The wait between here and our future seems long and heavy. But God was very purposeful last night to remind me that He's in that wait. That grace and mercy are in that wait. And my heart melted right there in those words because he didn't condemn me for needing to be reminded, he simply loved me in the reminding.

Will you stand with us in prayer for this miracle? Will you believe with us that God will provide in the gap? And that the enemy will be defeated by the blood of the Lamb and the word our future testimony (Rev 12:11)?

I don't know how God's going to do it. But today I'm standing firm, like I did when he spoke to me about our future, and I'm both asking for and trusting in a miracle.

Trust in the Lord will all your heart; lean not on your own understanding. (Prov 3:5)

Standing Firm: Job Speak

Now that the worst is over, we're pleased we can report that we've come out of this with conscience and faith intact, and can face the world--and even more importantly, face you with our heads held high. But it wasn't by any fancy footwork on our part. It was God who kept us focused on him, uncompromised. 2 Corinthians 1:12 [MSG]

As I opened up today's entry on YouVersion and read these first few sentences, I felt this strong, immediate impression that I was reading it as if these words are the newest addition to Anthony's and my testimony regarding our walk through the [un]employment journey of 2012. It was so clear to me that I found myself questioning whether or not it was my soulish desire to read it like this (through the filter of believing this job opportunity is God's plan), or if it was God. But just as quickly as that thought arrived, I was reminded of this question I read somewhere:

Why is it that we constantly question the validity (or source: me or God) when Holy Spirit speaks to us, but we so readily absorb the accusations and lies of the enemy without question?

I didn't consciously try to read this through the filter of wanting (worldly) confirmation of this plan (an official job offer). It's 6:30am--early for this brain of mine--and I've been up since 5:30am, mulling over this passage of scripture for almost an hour now. When I opened my laptop I hadn't been awake but 10 minutes and my conscience thoughts were no where near related to Anthony's job. I simply popped open the day's entry and began reading. The impression was immediate and concrete: these are your words and this is My promise and confirmation.

It is my choice whether or not to allow my flesh and my enemy to convince me otherwise, but God delights in my faith and trust, and it's in Him--not myself or my accuser--that I choose to place both.

I am risking what I declare I've "heard" from God (and my soul has a way of reminding me of this every time I talk about this job opportunity) by consistently standing on the belief that this is what God has been working out for Anthony, for us, since October 2012. I've "felt it" since the first conversation Anthony had with [him]--a conversation that quickly turned into a job interview (unbeknownst to Anthony until the end of it 1.5 hours later). There was this peace, this knowing of sorts, that wrapped that evening's re-telling of Anthony's conversation with him.

Did I think back then that it would take this long for it to come to pass? Heck NO! I was thinking ... "YES! Here it finally is!" Yet here we sit, in January 2013 (almost into February) and we're still waiting for a final word ... here on earth, at least. I believe it's already been spoken in the Heavenlies.

What's interesting to me is if you read this particular passage in any other translation it doesn't read like this at all. Maybe some would say "Aha! There's the contradiction." But that doesn't take away from what or how God chose to speak to me. On the contrary, I believe The Message translation was exactly what I was supposed to read first so that He could speak this point specifically to me--not coincidence ... not contradiction ... but purpose.

As I read the above words, my spirit was buzzing a bit, asking God if today is the day we'll know. I do not know that answer; it wasn't really addressed. But I do so love when my spirit starts to flit about like a June bug, all kinds of erratic in motion. Watch a June beetle in flight; there is nothing predictable about its pattern or course because it sees differently than I do. Hmmm... catch the nuance?

So this morning I do not shrink back from the words that I've been holding onto for months now: this job opportunity IS for us; it is what God has been working out; it is the breakthrough to something new for us--not because it comes with a paycheck but also because it comes with a paycheck. Provision is part of God's plan for us and cannot be removed because someone can choose to label that "fleshy hearted". There is nothing fleshy about believing in and for God's provision; it's faith to believe God for the provision of our needs (Matthew 6:26) and the abundance to bless us above and beyond anything we could ask or imagine (Ephesians 3:21)--and I choose to stand on faith.

A couple weeks ago, as I was coming out of a weeks-long battle with a severe cold and then the flu, I remember sitting on my couch asking God for a word to get me through January. We'd had zero word about this job opportunity for weeks; between the partnership of sickness and uncertainty, my soul was dry and in need. Immediately Jeremiah 29:11 came to mind. I actually scoffed a bit thinking "That's too easy. Everyone knows that verse, God." Then I was prompted to open up Facebook--yep, I go with the flow with God like that--and the very first entry in the news feed was this verse, posted by a friend. Okay, I hear ya, God!

When I told Anthony that day that I had asked God for a word about our situation, he had the same kind of reaction to the "overtness" of this verse, actually quoting it to me before I could tell him the specific verse God had given me--more in a questioning manner than anything declarative. Isn't it funny how we can so easily discredit the Word of God because a specific verse has somehow become cliche' and "overused" in our Christian culture? (That's a rabbit trail I won't go down in this blog, but that doesn't mean it's not worth taking.)

But God was purposing to settle my heart. Scripture is never cliche' to Him. He knows His plans and it was my choice to rest in that fact ... or not. And even today, when I can't point to an offer letter or employment start date, I can point to my God and His promise:

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give hope and a future." 

I'm smiling now as I come to the end of this [note] because I realize just how much I needed to walk through this exercise of declaration, of faith, of trust and of knowing.

Unbound

Seven days ago I sat down and wrote the following blog:

"Writing is an act of worship. It's choosing perfect words and placing them in precise order. It's downloading and concentrating life's epiphanies to a microchip of influence. The purpose of taking pen in hand to illuminate the face and heart of God; and the result is to aid humankind in the process of being changed into His likeness. I can't write unless I am inspired by nothing less than Him--not my ideas or creativity or thought process or experience. Him." Bonnie Saul Wilks

It's a quiet kind of Sunday morning as I head out to my balcony, coffee and laptop in hand, chair already positioned in the shade from days ago. These times are few and far between anymore: the solitude of thought and technology woven with the warmth and peace of the unhurried sunrise.

The past few months have not held a very productive season of writing for me, and this blog shows it. Not because my heart stopped thinking or bits of heavenly revelation ceased to break through into my tiny piece of inhabited earth. Quite the contrary. There's been an abundance of life and countless ruminating moments and God ordained epiphanies. Enough that I could have been here--writing--every day.

But my daily routine--even as unroutine as it is--was flipped on its head when my husband became a full-time presence in our home. February brought unexpected news of company downsizing and with the loss of his job came the surrender of a very appreciated and helpful tool: a company laptop he used both at work and home. Owning only one laptop personally, and with lives that are greatly intertwined with the Internet, decreasing from two computers to one was a pinch deeply felt.

I once had a laptop I called "mine" (although I shared it with our kids) that allowed me the freedom to tackle the technology tethered side of my life as I pleased. Emails, spreadsheets, budget tracking, home school, bill paying, social media, reading, writing, researching, etc. were done throughout my day at will. Flexibility is not only a requirement with my role responsibilities, ironically, it's also a key factor in remaining sane on days where schedules are crazy and I log hours of chauffeur time in the car. 

But it's the sharing of this one laptop that has strictly limited my time and access, and in turn, has bound me and my words. Often I am too discouraged to write, for the choice between productivity and creativity always looms.

Writing has always been about a moment of seized opportunity--a Carpe Diem of words and time--when I can't go one more minute without allowing my fingers to speak through the keyboard, spilling inside-out my thoughts and emotions and God's unveiled truths. Purging is cathartic and necessary. When held within, too many words cause me to feel burdened. Heavy. Writing frees me. Without it, I seem to shrivel.

Sensory stimulus is also a necessary part of thought release; my linguistic spring board of sorts. A desk, an office chair and a static monitor do not stir the pot of words in my soul. Give me an open window, or better yet, an unlocked door to the bounty of life outside these four walls and it is then that I am unleashed, free to roam in contemplation and creativity.

I need to personally witness the occasional hawk soaring among the clouds of the blue sky, breathe in the fresh air, regardless of what temperature the digital thermometer reads, and listen to the harmony of a bird's song and cricket's chirp mixed with the intermittent sound of a car door closing or engine turning over. Every moment out there is the potential catalyst for a new idea recorded here.

But it's the restriction of time with this shared laptop that has bound me, and the heaviness of this word load inside me is beginning to take its toll.

I take a step outside. Butterflies are thriving this year. I don't just want to read about them through a post on someone's wall or see them via a friend's Twitpic. I want to marvel at their spotted wings and tongues that curl like cinnamon rolls with my own eyes. And those birds that are a constant presence on the rain gutter above my living room window? I want to listen to them with my own ears and wonder what they're communicating to one another ... or their Creator. Their song is like a beautiful prayer language. I don't know what is being said, I just know that they are speaking and that God is listening.

It's in moments like these where sight and sound becomes the invitation and inspiration to write.

"Open your eyes and there it is! By taking a long and thoughtful look at what God has created, people have always been able to see what their eyes as such can't see: eternal power, for instance, and the mystery of His divine being." Romans 1:20 [MSG]

I look and listen, asking for mystery to be unveiled through creation; for the Hand of Heaven to reach down and write His Words on my heart.

"God's glory is on tour in the skies, God-craft on exhibit across the horizon. Madame Day holds classes every morning, Professor Night lectures each evening. Their words aren't heard, their voices aren't recorded, but their silence fills the earth: unspoken truth is spoken everywhere. God makes a huge dome for the sun - a super dome! The morning sun's a new husband leaping from his honeymoon bed. The day-breaking sun an athlete racing to the tape." Psalm 19:1-4 [MSG]

A lone bird has flown through balcony openings between guard rail and ceiling five separate times in just as many minutes. I stop. Always stop and give an audience to the comings and goings of God's creatures. She is "this close" to me. Fluttering, even pausing mid-air, repetitively looking for a place to land. But rest is not found here for her. I want to capture this moment on film, but the thought comes too late. Her investigation has concluded and a subsequent choice to locate a wider beam is made. As she flies away, I wonder if God's creatures are as fascinated with my movements and sounds as I am with theirs? I shake my head in answer to my own question. Probably not. He did not create us for them, but them for us. 

I pause to ponder and stop to see, soaking in what can only be enjoyed in moments of intermission, and I realize how much I have missed these writing recesses--deliberate sojourns in my day taken with the sole purpose of becoming and transcribing inspiration--of hearing Him in bird's song, seeing Him in soaring wings and inhaling Him in morning breeze. With this computer in my lap, I record much of what I experience--embers of ideas holding the potential of completed word offerings.

But it's the sharing of this laptop that has bound me and my words and restricted my access to opportunities like these. Or has it?

Oh, how a week can change circumstances, even when nothing but perspective is shifted. Let me explain...

In April, Anthony and I were meeting with a friend at church (actually he was meeting and I was tagging along). Through our discussion said friend concluded correctly that as a family we were sharing one laptop and popped up with, "Could you guys use an iMac? It's an older one, but I don't use it anymore and would love to bless your family." Whaaaat? Within 24 hours we had the computer in our home and set up at the family desk. Every time I walked by it I was blown away by God's goodness and the utmost generosity of this friend.

What tickled me even more was that four years earlier Anthony had shown me an iMac at the Apple store in Southlake and told me that it was the computer he wanted for our family, but we weren't in a place of needing or affording a new system. Within that time frame we went from four computers to one: two Windows desktops crashed (because that's just what they do) and my MacBook died (because I accidentally spilled some coffee on it), and we've been operating with our lone laptop for the past year.

With this gift, God not only doubled the computer access in our home but, more significantly, He also blessed us with the very computer my husband had desired for our family. That's not just provision but Ephesians 3:20 abundance.

Here's how I tie today's thoughts with the blog above: When we brought the iMac home we had the choice of using it as our family computer or setting it up in our bedroom (which is also Anthony's office) and allowing the family to use the laptop. We decided the iMac was the better choice for the family for three reasons: the MB Pro has years of life on it for both Anthony and me, the substantial monitor on the iMac allows us to easily view what our kids are doing on the internet and it just made sense because it was the very system Anthony had talked about for years. So I moved the files I absolutely needed from the laptop to the iMac and relished, albeit shortly, the opportunity to accomplish my responsibilities during daytime hours instead of waiting until evening when Anthony could relinquish the laptop.

What I quickly discovered was that everything I worked on, from finances to personal email, was visible to anyone who walked by because our family computer is located in a high traffic area and the large iMac monitor puts everything on easy display. On the creative scale, I found writing difficult because "A desk, an office chair and a static monitor (facing a blank wall) do not stir the pot of words in my soul."

Within weeks I curtailed my usage on the iMac until the kids had gone to bed (for privacy) and found myself right back in the same quandary I had previously been in when sharing the laptop: working and writing later in the night, or not at all, because daytime hours contained obstacles and evening hours were filled with dinner, family time and chauffeuring responsibilities. The iMac was a huge blessing and joy for our kids, and for that I was over-the-moon thankful, but it just wasn't working for me. Or was it?

Fast forward 60 days, past April's gift and last Sunday's lament, to yesterday's epiphany that brought a large slice of freedom to our household ... okay, really to me. While working at the iMac God asked me, "Why is the static computer out here and the portable laptop in there (our bedroom) when Anthony is always sitting at the desk working? Wouldn't it make more sense to bring the laptop out here so that you can have the freedom you need to unplug and move about?"

*Insert the sound of God's common sense brick hitting me upside the head*

[And there's a bonus ... the kids don't even have to touch the laptop because we have an external mouse and keyboard attached, and we can still see their movement on the internet because we have a large dual monitor set up next to it.]

"There is a way that seems right to man, but in the end it leads to death." Proverbs 14:12

Allow me a little latitude with this scripture. I know it references our choices in life leading to eternal death, but on a surface level it fits this situation. For months I had been shriveling (dieing) inside--from a way that seemed right--when the answer was in front of me the entire time. God had not only provided a second computer to solve the laptop sharing dilemma, but had also made a way for the flexibility (life) my soul craved. My eyes were so focused on the what-made-the-most-sense-details that I completely missed the forest for the trees. I can hear Gateway's freedom teaching resounding in my head now: "We have to get you to remove your hand from in front of your face so God can show you the bigger picture."

And yes, in case you doubted, God is interested in and even cares about the seemingly insignificant "life problems" such as how to best share computers because we're told that "the very hairs on our heads are numbered" (Luke 12:7), and that seems like pretty useless information to me.

Hand gone. Vision caught. Problem solved. Freedom found.

I am now unbound.

Timely Encouragement

As I was going through the huge piles of paperwork that have accumulated on my desk, I came across some handwritten notes obviously taken during a church service of some kind. These are not dated, but I can tell from their condition that they are over a year old. And considering I don't remember writing them, they could be older because I usually remember the notes I take.

Reading through them, I was amazed at the content, the fact that I had saved them this long AND the timing of me "happening" upon them again. Here's what I wrote back 'then':

• When we surrender what God has asked us to, He will always bless us. God doesn't work in subtraction (taking from our lives), He works in multiplication (more than adding to our lives). 
• Surrendering what He's asked always takes us to another level of blessing and relationship with God.
• Delayed or partial obedience is still disobedience.
• The toughest thing to surrender are our blessings, not our sins!
• There are many times when the fulfillment of a promise is often delayed because of the process (consider Abraham and Sarah's promise).
• "It was by faith that Abraham offered Isaac as a sacrifice when God was testing him. Abraham, who had received God's promises, was ready to sacrifice his only son, Isaac, even though God had told him, "Isaac is the son through whom your descendants will be counted." Abraham reasoned that if Isaac died, God was able to bring him back to life again. And in a sense, Abraham did receive his son back from the dead." Hebrews 1:17-19. When we lay our 'Isaac's' down, that is when God provides the blessing; and believe that even if God takes it, He can still resurrect it.

Taking these notes must have meant something to me back 'then', but considering all that has taken place in the past couple weeks, these notes almost feel as if they were taken for now. His ways are so much higher than mine!

The Promise

"God is going to come and whisper a promise to many of you."

Pastor Brady Boyd's prophetic words from his Luke 1 message on December 5th.

I was in my prayer closet this afternoon asking for the words God had for Jason (for this season in his life). In the midst of hearing and writing, I laid down to get temporarily lost in a worship song. It just felt like the thing to do. 

As I was singing I stopped and spoke out loud, "God, what is your promise?" Instantly, these words came to my heart: "I will walk with you through everything; the highs and the lows." I grabbed my journal and wrote them down and waited for more. Surely there had to be more. Maybe I had interrupted Holy Spirit's download when I bolted up to get my journal. So I waited, and waited, and waited some more. But nothing more came. 

And then I asked God, "Is that it?" I didn't mean is that all there is, like I had just been jipped or something. I was asking if that was the complete promise or if He had something more to say. Yep, that's His promise. Okay. A promise doesn't have to be long and complicated. I accept that and receive it.

So I asked for a confirmation through scripture. I wanted to know what He had to say through His Word. This is what I directed to read:

This is what God says, the God who builds a road right through the ocean, who carves a path through pounding waves.

The God who summons horses and chariots and armies—they lie down and then can't get up; they're snuffed out like so many candles:
"Forget about what's happened; don't keep going over old history. Be alert, be present. I'm about to do something brand-new. It's bursting out! Don't you see it? There it is! I'm making a road through the desert and rivers in the badlands."
~ Isaiah 43:16-21 [The Message]

If I join both the Promise and the scripture I get this: He will be with us in every moment regardless of our perception of it being high or low. He is a God who does the impossible, and He is charging us to stay present as He births something new in our lives.

Amen and AMEN!

Lessons from a Black Jack Table

"All of my chips are on the table. Even when it's mysterious, risky or dangerous, I'll say yes."

This is one of the points that stood out for me when I was listening to Pastor Brady's message Luke 1. (If you are reading this and are confused as to where this comes from, go back and read my three previous blogs for the whole back story.)

I had to include the reference of "all my chips are on the table" because it so instantly resonated with my time at Anthony's Christmas party this past Friday evening. With it being a casino night, we were all given $3,000 of fun money. I played on the black jack table because it's a card game I know well. Before the night was over that original $3,000 had grown into $300,000! I didn't have it all at one time, but I had winnings of $100,000-$150,000 at any given time. 

What I remember so distinctly, though, is my goal to win enough hands to be able to earn one Pink chip worth $10,000. That is the photo above that Anthony took because I was so excited when that goal was hit. I was jumping up and down! And then that one pink chip grew because I was willing to risk what I had. 

At one point, Curtis -- Anthony's co-worker -- had a pink chip of his own. He asked me to bet mine and he would bet his. I was so nervous. I had worked hard for that chip and even though it didn't really belong to me I didn't want to risk losing it on one hand of black jack. But then Anthony said, "Go big or go home." I was IN! It turns out I had a hand that allowed me a great opportunity to 'double-down'. I had to put up another $10,000 on this ONE hand. "Go big or go home", right? So I scraped up my other winnings and put them in. I could barely look. I was either hitting it big or I was out of the game. And it hit! I won $40,000 on that ONE hand; and then the winnings just continued to increase from there. 

Once I moved past the initial fear of that first big hand, the thrill of being able to do it again was contagious. I remember saying how fun it was to be able to venture out where I wouldn't in real life because the money wasn't mine to begin with. It was all going back to the 'house' at the end of the night anyway. 

As I listened to the podcast, I was reminded of this night: the (almost) terror of letting go of something I had worked for and wanted so badly; the excitement of making the decision to put it all out there whether it came back or not; and the thrill of watching what I was willing to give up not only come back but be doubled, tripled and quadrupled.

A turning point in the night? Betting $100,000 on one hand of black jack not caring whether or not I won it back. By that time I had put so many large bets on the table that it no longer felt right settling on something smaller. I had gone with smaller amounts because that's all I was able to put up, but now I had the opportunity to risk more and I wasn't turning back.

And then the sweetest moment was saved for last. I held onto one Pink chip throughout the night. It just felt right. We soon heard of a sweet lady on another table who wanted so badly to win enough for "one pink chip". After my last hand, I walked over and gave her mine. I had already been overwhelmingly blessed with 30 throughout the night and I  wanted her to know the thrill of that one pink chip. 

Can you see where this is all going? the metaphor God was unveiling through a simple night of fun at a company Christmas party? 

Although gambling fun money at a black jack table is not the same as giving to someone in need from your own bank account, their is a beautiful message that translates to God's promises of giving: we have to be willing to let go of that which we've worked for and strived to build up, because in reality, it doesn't belong to us anyway; it belongs to the House.

Unwavering Faith Confirmed

"God is going to come and whisper a promise to many of you."

Laying in bed last night, I found myself unable to fall asleep. I just wasn't tired. So out came the iPod. Time to plug into my step-Pastor, Brady Boyd, and see what God was speaking through him this week.

Side note: I call Pastor Brady my step-Pastor because this past summer I began reading his blog, which prompted the thought to check out his podcasts. Although I never got the chance to hear him preach while he was still with Gateway, he's come back as a guest speaker several times since his move to New Life three years ago. Each time I have been blown away by his teaching. So, this summer I downloaded every message to a series titled Supernatural that he did from January through March of this year. It was so good, so rich, so full of truth and heavenly teaching, that I've listened to every message from that point forward. It has taken quite a bit of time to play catch up because many messages I listen to 3-5 a piece, but I now can say that I am at the point of waiting for the next week to roll around so I can listen to my step-Pastor teach.   :)

Seeing the title of the message, Luke 1, I assume he's starting a Christmas series. Nice. Most pastors only do one Christmas message a year, so I'm kind of excited to see what's coming. Yeah, well. All I can say is this was NOT your ordinary Christmas message by any shake of the tail. As a matter of fact, I'm STILL reeling from the fact that I was expecting "sweet baby Jesus lying in a manger" and I got hit upside the heart with a message on the promises of God; and received total confirmation that what God was speaking to me earlier in the day was not misheard or misunderstood.

I'm simply going to re-write the notes and direct quotes I took from this message:

• "God is going to come and whisper a promise to many of you." Pastor Brady spoke these as prophetic words and I received them knowing full well I was one of the many.
• The people who believe that whatever God says He can do, these are those with great purpose.
• If you believe it then God will come to you and give you something beyond your abilities--almost impossible--unnatural. This is the test of what you really believe.
• Will you nod with your head AND follow with your heart? Will you move forward when He calls you to the impossible?
• Yet Abraham did not waiver in his unbelief. He was fully persuaded that what God promises, God does.
• All of my chips are on the table. Even when it's mysterious, risky or dangerous, I'll say yes. 
• I don't have any preconceived ideas about 'how' it will happen, but I trust and believe in Your ability.
• God is able if we are willing.
• The journey is about trusting God for every moment; not with a lack of wisdom but with reckless abandon. (I LOVED THIS!!! This was my word!)

"He did not waiver at the promise of God through unbelief, but was strengthened in faith, giving glory to God, and being fully convinced that what He had promised He was also able to perform." Romans 4:18-20

As I listened to this message I hit God up with this question: "God, what is your promise? I know what you want--I know what you've spoken to my heart regarding finances--but what is the promise?"

I know, without doubt, that we will follow what He's asked, but I don't want to pull a promise out of hat that seems to go along with this. I want a specific promise from God. And I'm praying for that.

Obey Irrationally. Give Extravagantly.

I just love it when God sneaks up on me and allows Holy Spirit to douse me with revelation in the same way a winning coach gets doused with Gatorade at the end of a championship game. Although I've come to expect revelation because that's just how God works, I love the unexpected nature and timing in which He works. It's refreshing and exhilarating all at the same time.

So, I'm listening to our guest speaker for the weekend, Craig Groeschel from LifeChurch, and it's one of those messages where you just know it's gonna be good. Two of his talking points were:

1. Obey Irrationally
2. Give Extravagantly

Apparently there was a third point, but I must have missed it while I was furiously writing down what Holy Spirit was depositing in me. I will be going back to listen to this message again, but I was told by the kids that point #3 is "they (those who obey and give) do what other's believe cannot be done." Glad to know they were paying attention!!! :)

In the midst of the message, Craig delivers a great one-liner: "Don't increase your standard of living. Increase your standard of giving."

ZING! Those words resonated with me immediately and brought back to mind another one-liner I held onto from Francis Chan's Crazy Love: "When it's hard and you are doubtful, give more."

I will not rabbit trail here when I so easily could, I will simply state that God has been carefully depositing wisdom riches into my heart regarding Giving; and it's been a fun 6-month journey (so far) of transformation, bit by small bit.

Back to the present. As soon as those golden nuggets wash across my thoughts, Holy Spirit begins to speak instruction and revelation regarding our recent financial change, and I wrote down what I "heard":

1. Our [monthly] salary is decreasing so let's increase our tithe.
2. Let's do an offering by giving all of December's provision [back] to God.
3. The payroll schedule change is not meant as a detriment to us but as a way to free up money for extravagant giving. Those 3rd paychecks in July and December (2011) are not ours but His, and we are to seek Holy Spirit for guidance in how we are to give them away according to God's plan and purpose. This change is His gift to us. It's not to take [from] us but to take us [to] another level of giving.

Now let me add my thoughts...

1. Increasing our monthly tithe percentage makes NO sense at all to the human mind because our monthly salary is going to reduce, not increase, come January. Living on less, we're to give more? Yep. That's what I heard as clear as day. Okay.
2. It was comforting to know God had provided a little cushion for December, a month that always seems to be a bit more costly than others. Now we're to give that back to God. Okay.
3. As I wrote in the previous blog, I wasn't nervous about the change, I just couldn't put my finger on the purpose of the plan. Well, God didn't waste much time in fleshing that plan out for us. We're being invited to a Higher Place and we must journey with a willing attitude of sacrifice. Okay.

After the message is over, I'm practically bouncing around (inside) waiting to share this revelation with Anthony. What's ironic is that even though I'm speaking words that make zero sense on paper, there's an unmistakable excitement brewing in me--one that defies human logic or intellect. 

[I] would never have thought of increasing tithe on reduced income. 

[I] would never have thought to give back December's provision. 

[I] would never have planned setting aside whole paychecks so they could be used for extravagant giving. 

What is so utterly reassuring about all of this is that God's plans leave no room for me to take any credit for any of this. We should be shaking in our boots wondering how this is all going to work out. Instead, we're smiling because we have no idea how all of this is going to work out. There is a peace that passes all human understanding in this. And that is why our only possible answer - and first reaction - is YES!

Obey Irrationally and Give Extravagantly!

a NEW journey has begun

I am making myself sit down today and purge all that is in my heart and head from the past ... well, I guess today would make it one week. And I am going to use bullet points to purposely make my brain think more concisely (knowing my tendency towards verboseness), although concise may still be a bit lengthy. Here goes:

1. On November 16 we got some good financial news. My first response was a big Thank You to God because all good things come from Him. My next thought was this "knowing in my knower" that He had just provided for a need we didn't know was coming. I even verbalized this to Anthony. That's the truth. I just knew there was another purpose for [this] and I was completely okay with that. God was providing. That's all that mattered.
2. Last Monday (November 30) I sat down to do a little financial figuring because Anthony's benefits re-enrollment for 2011 was upon us. Three hours later, after figuring in the rising cost of benefits, I had a pretty good snapshot of how 2011 would play out for us on paydays. And then...
3. Anthony came home with news that some things were changing at his company and a couple of those changes would affect us financially. One of those changes was a more-than-likely removal of a monthly expense reimbursement. That "knowing" in point #1 now made sense. Okay. God had arranged for provision before we even knew we needed it. I'm THANKFUL! And then...
4. Anthony shared that payroll was changing. The company was moving from a bi-monthly to bi-weekly pay schedule effective January; from 24 to 26 paychecks annually. Hmmm. That means two extra paychecks a year but less money in each check. And with the way Fridays run in 2011, we won't see that extra check until the end of July. So...
5. All this means that, come January, our monthly income will be reduced from what we currently live on today. Not the way I had thought it would all flesh out, but I wasn't nervous; I just couldn't put my finger on any kind of plan that would help this make sense. Interesting. And yet...
6. When I shared all of this with Coli, there was an excitement and a tangible sense of peace about it all. Having our financial picture change - for what seems the worse - in just a little under a month meant that however it all worked out we couldn't take any of the credit for it. God is not surprised (the one Christian cliche' I actually do love and use). And there were two thoughts that stood out in my heart...
7. With this move from Keller to NRH (and from a house to an apartment) came a theme to a current journey we're walking: SIMPLIFY. In my blog Closure on Moving, I wrote about God's confirmation in 1 Kings 17 and what I discovered about the Brook Cherith. Cherith (in Hebrew) means to cut away or cut off. Well, maybe this payroll change is another step on that journey of learning how to live with less; of learning how to cut even deeper. And then...
8. God could very well be priming us to watch Him work; he could be putting us in such a place of dependency that in order to really make this work, He will have to come through in another way. Anthony's paychecks, the very thing we work our budget around, are not going to provide in the same way we have grown used to. Okay. Yet still...
9. It could not just be (A) Cutting back, or (B) God providing and getting all the glory, but it could be (C) A combination of both. What if we'll not only learn how to live differently [again] but also watch God provide in ways that we wouldn't even think to ask or imagine? And then...
10. Sunday morning's message happens and God speaks like crazy! 

And here is where I break this blog up for the purpose of time, length and an easy to archive format.