21 Days of Renewal

If God gives such attention to the wildflowers...

Last week the thought, the desire, began stirring ... 21 days. I asked questions--of myself and God. And He asked one very intentional question of me, "What has become your source of comfort?"

The honest answers brought to light the heart behind His question dripping with the love of a good, good Father. And so I answered: food (baking and consuming sweets to kill boredom and soothe a weary soul), wine (a glass was no longer just something I enjoyed--because I do love wine--but it was becoming my blankie at the end of a hard day), and TV (the shows were moving from entertainment to my place of escaping a hard season and losing myself in someone else's story).

It was glaringly obvious: my sources of comfort--in a long, drawn out season of financial struggle--have turned outward, external. No, I haven't outgrown my clothes, but they are definitely snug in all the wrong places. No, I don't need Alcoholics Anonymous. And I'm not disconnecting cable because it's the 'bad guy'.

No, it's not about those things--my love to bake or to enjoy a glass of wine or a certain TV program--it's about my heart and my source. When I realized I was filling my time (or desires) with these things, I also realized I was neglecting prayer, Bible reading, writing and worship. And trust me when I say that it's not about replacing one thing with another; it's about recognizing my choice to [re]source my affections and desires--to fill time and a sense of emptiness and boredom with substitutes. I was growing apathetic. I was struggling with too many days of just not caring what I did that day. It felt like work to just simply desire what I had loved doing previously, let alone do them.

Write? Not in the mood.
Spend an hour in praise and worship? Not in the mood. Plus, I forgot to charge my iPod.
GO to church? Not in the mood. I'd rather watch from home so I don't have to get dressed.
Read? Not in the mood. That requires my brain to engage.
Eat healthy? Not in the mood to plan the meals and shop well. Plus, it requires more than my budget can handle right now, so why even bother?

It's not that every day was or is a struggle or that I sat or sit on my couch from sunrise to sunset. No, this past week God began stirring in me the awareness to look at where I am today--to recognize the "slow fade" now--so that I don't wake up tomorrow and find myself lost in an every day struggle.

And so I did...

An outline of what these 21 days would look like started to form in my heart. And on Easter Sunday I read a thought that further set what was brewing in my spirit: a time to reset, to renew.

[Renew: to make like new; restore to freshness, vigor or perfection.]

Yesterday morning I woke up with these 21 days first thing on my mind. It had been cemented in. My commitment switch had been flipped 'on' while I had slept. And so I began my 21 Days of Renewal.

TO RENEW MY MIND: no TV and no DVR'ing to catch up.

TO RENEW MY SPIRIT: feasting on the Word of God and two books I've committed to reading through (Beyond Boundaries: Learning to Trust Again in Relationships and Fathered by God).

TO RENEW MY BODY: no food, only liquids--mostly water, some fresh juice on specific occasion, and my morning cup of coffee (cuz God's not religious or legalistic).

TO RENEW MY HEART: putting to memory the scripture passage below, for now and for always. I've also put a few prayer requests before God, some needing some pretty quick answers and others needing direction.

"If God gives such attention to the appearance of wildflowers—most of which are never even seen—don't you think he'll attend to you, take pride in you, do his best for you? What I'm trying to do here is to get you to relax, to not be so preoccupied with getting, so you can respond to God's giving. People who don't know God and the way he works fuss over these things, but you know both God and how he works. Steep your life in God-reality, God-initiative, God-provisions. Don't worry about missing out. You'll find all your everyday human concerns will be met. Give your entire attention to what God is doing right now, and don't get worked up about what may or may not happen tomorrow. God will help you deal with whatever hard things come up when the time comes." Matthew 6:30-34 [The Message}

It's not that I plan on forever giving up food (well, that's kind of obvious) or wine or TV. I know God has called me on this 21 day journey to not only renew my source, but to also reset the way I think about the external things. He's calling me to sacrifice temporarily in order to reprioritize eternally.

Day 11

"I resonated with this blog because change cannot take place in anyone's life until one can whole-heartedly state ... I AM READY!

This new year brought that determination that "I am ready" to make some changes ... physically, emotionally and spiritually.

God called me to a very strict fast to start the new year, one that has definitely caused a big void in me, considering my love for food and the way that I've allowed myself to eat over the past 18 months.

Instead of wincing and finding any loop hole I could in God's request, I felt excited ... even if there was a wee bit of trepidation about how my body was going to respond.

I could sense that God had a new plan for my life this year and that taking control of food--instead of allowing it continued control of me --was high on the priority list. And it's not just about food. It's about filling the void of eating just to eat with something else, with someone else ... Jesus.

I knew He wanted to show me that even though I don't have a hundred pounds to lose, the 25 that I've put on since marriage in 2007 were a sign that I'd become lazy; and that laziness didn't just show up in pounds, it showed up in my mood, my energy, my drive and my outlook on life, which impacted my life as a whole.

I know that this fast is not THE answer to everything because after this is over I will need to make very wise choices about lifestyle changes if I don't want to see the pounds creep back. But I believe God wants to show me through this fast that food - and the negative effects it can have - is not really what was controlling me ... it is the byproduct of what I was trying to cover. And THAT is the most important part of this fasting journey: allowing Him to show me those areas and then surrendering them to Him. THEN, food can go back to being yummy and necessary in proportion, but not my comfort and not my excuse.

Wow, I've rambled far too much, but I think this response to your blog is actually something God was revealing to me as I was writing."

This is a response to a blog I read today, and I had to copy and paste it here because I realized at the end of my comment that God was speaking to my heart and I wasn't even aware of it. He was showing me one purpose, albeit important, to my fast.

So, I had to record it.

Day 7

Today I'm feeling a little bit on the tired side; like I just didn't get a full night's sleep, although I know I got at least 7 hours. Since fasting has the ups and downs as your body goes through processes of highs and releasing toxins, maybe today my body is trying to release more of the crap I've personally built up in it over the years.

But, on the brighter side, I am so excited that today IS day 7! Almost one full week behind me, and I'm crazily looking forward to the weeks to come. I feel as if this week has been about rediscovering the process of fasting, the do's and don'ts, and what's good for me and what isn't. It's almost as if it was my 'ramp up' to what's really coming. I'm even thinking about extending the fast, but that decision will come as my 21 days draws closer to its end.

This morning at church, I was sitting and reading my Bible in the lobby area [because Teighlor had to be there early for her shift]. I was reading in Isaiah 42 and came across this verse:

"I will take You by the hand and will keep You."

God spoke this to Jesus, although this is a prophetic chapter about Jesus' time to come, but its sweetness just reverberated in my soul. I think of Jesus as strong and capable and the truest leader there ever was. Yet God, His Father, was demonstrating through this one sentence that even Jesus, OUR Savior, would need to be lead by the Father and would be kept by the Father.

That is a humbling thing to think about considering I'm reading about the man who endured the cross by choice. But it brings a sweet smile to my heart because I know that my Father also says this exact thing to me...and then waits for me to take His hand.

Day 5

"What a difference a day makes. 24 little hours..."

That's how I feel today. The last four days have been physically demanding on my body. Between getting through the hardest days of the fast [the first 3-4], starting my period [which is never an easy go 'round] and getting sick, my body felt like it was being put through the ringer.

But, God's mercies are new every morning! And today I feel energized, alert, awake, and physically healthy. No more cramps, no more fatigue, and my head's not full of snot. It's all good!

Needless to say, I haven't spent an inordinate amount of time digging into the deeper of things of God in the past few days. I've been resting, resting, resting. And my physical state made it very hard to focus my brain.

But, God's mercies are new every day! And today I spent the better part of 2 hours getting caught up on blogs that inspire me and encourage me towards God. Some days I just need to "hear" what God is speaking through others and have those words inspire me.

"Part of the change that life propagates is the necessary death of the old, in order to give life to the new." [via Bob Hamp's blog]

This, of course, spoke directly to my heart since God has been overwhelming me with the theme that this new year is, "Out with old. In with the new."

I was also challenged, in another blog, to really think about what it means to have the mind of Christ.

"But it was to us that God revealed these things by his Spirit. For his Spirit searches out everything and shows us God’s deep secrets. No one can know a person’s thoughts except that person’s own spirit, and no one can know God’s thoughts except God’s own Spirit. And we have received God’s Spirit, so we can know the wonderful things God has freely given us .... But we understand these things, for we have the mind of Christ."
[1 Cor. 2:10-16]

This is inspiration for me. God's Word and his purpose are not a mystery that can't be revealed. He desires to reveal himself if I will dig deep. His Spirit and my spirit know each other. But if I'm not willing to take the time to know him, then a mystery it will all remain.

I know that God has hidden things for me to discover during this fasting period. If I do not purpose to find his treasure, than it will remain hidden.

Day 3

"Today I 'OFFICIALLY' crossed over into sickness = Day 1 [of sick], Day 2 [of 'this', hardest of 5] & Day 3 [of 21]. A combination for bed!" This was my morning tweet, and this is what it means:

I felt the beginning stages of a head/chest cold yesterday, but this morning I woke up with the full blown effects: a sore throat, a face full of congestion and a cough that makes my chest feel like it's burning. THIS = Day 1 [of sick]

Yesterday afternoon I started my period [yay]. THIS = Day 2 [of 'this', hardest of 5]

Today is Day 3 of my fast. I am feeling hunger finally, and my body is still in major 'toxin flush out mode', so my energy is feeling zapped. THIS = Day 3 [of 21]

Add all of this together and IT = A combination for bed! [which is where I am now typing this blog post.]

It's not that I'm trying to be melodramatic about my fast and purposely spending my day in bed so that I can look mournful to my family and they can feel sorry for me that I'm on Day 3 without food. Actually, had it not been for SICK + PERIOD, I'd be up and around like it was a normal day...I'd just have a few hunger pains.

So, I'm looking forward to tomorrow, but today I am going to give my body the rest it needs...because I CAN. And for that I am truly thankful. I don't have anywhere to be and I've completed 2 1/2 hours of home school teaching and grading with the kids right here from the comfort of my own bed. I have more curriculum to go through, but right now I'm going to close off the world and take a nap...because I CAN.

Day 1

Today I started my 21-day fast. This is an annual Gateway fast done at the New Year, except this year we were given the freedom to start the fast on our chosen day. I pretty much knew in my gut when Pastor Robert announced the fast that God was going to call me to step out big for Him this year. I can't say how I knew it...I just did. But I still committed to seeking Him in prayer for a week and the peace of walking out a total fast was laid on my heart.

My only trepidation was the fact that I knew my body was more addicted to food now that it ever has been and that restricting myself to water and juice was not going to be like it was when I did this kind of fast back in California....when I ate far less and weighed far less than I do now. But, I had the peace of knowing that if God was calling me to this sacrifice then He had His reasons and I needed to rest in that trust.

Well, day 1 is just about behind me and it wasn't as difficult as I thought it would be. Now, I know day 2 and 3 are still in front of me, but I'm not worried. I can say tonight, especially after attending another night of the First Conference, that I am excited about these days that lie ahead of me. I'm excited to get past "the worst, first 3 days" as they're called in fasting, and move into the spiritual, emotional, and physical healings that I KNOW God has in store for me...and OTHERS than are hitching a ride on my heart with me.

I can't say I have a clue about what what these days hold, I just know "in my knower" that because my God has called me...I am excited!

VICTORY was the word God gave Pastor Robert for 2010 and that word is going before me in every thing this year. Victory will be seen in Jesus' Name!