Dream Home

"Dream a little BIG dream with me." 

There's a saying rolling around the 'churched' community that goes: If you're dreams don't scare you, they're not big enough. It's easy to read those words on a pretty Instagram post and think "Yah! Absolutely!", but then to actually step up to the plate and swing for the fences with your dreams? Well, that takes some moxie and a lot of faith in the God who can provide above and beyond all that we can ask or imagine.

I've often wondered if we somehow disappoint God because we don't dare to ask for or pursue that which seems--at initial glance--beyond our abilities or capacity. But God... (hear that one roll around too?) He's big, and when I use that word I know that it's not big enough.

We read in the Bible that we don't have because we do not ask ... so, in a time when we are feverishly scouring the Internet for our next home, today we are daring to do two things: Dream Big and Ask Big!

For the past couple weeks every home we've researched just hasn't felt like 'the one'. Now I know that where we live is just as much a matter of choice as it is God's will--what are our priorities in location, size and price--but I also believe that we often tend to settle, for fear that what matches our dreams is just asking for too much.

Hear me on this: when I speak of asking for too much, especially regarding our next living location, I'm not referring to a Westlake mansion with a pool cabana bigger than our current entire living space. That's 'Upper 1% Asking' and even I don't go there. But what about asking for 4 bedrooms instead of 3, or a house with a yard instead of an apartment? What about asking for something that matches your color theme or flooring preferences? Or how about looking at locations with a pool instead of just assuming that's beyond our price range? (Right, Plestie???)

I'm asking all of this as I post a photo of our 'Dream Home'--the newest home posted online just two days ago, in the dream area in which we are looking. She's so beautiful and full of character; reminds me of Old Town Orange in California. And she has the exact number of rooms we are praying for. And she has a front porch (swoon). And she is located in the exact neighborhood we verbally dreamt about last week and, again, just minutes before logging online to look at a different house I had found days prior--that's not in our dream neighborhood but definitely within the specific high school boundaries we are looking in.

For weeks there hasn't been a single rental bite in this neighborhood, but now ... there she is. Our Dream Home! Yes, technically it's a wee bit more than we need--in terms of the number of bathrooms, not bedrooms she contains--but everyone should dream, right? And while we may not end up being able to work out all the 'necessaries' for her, I am loving looking at her and ... dreaming.

And so I'm posting her picture here because I do serve a God who is capable of providing above and beyond, and I want to remember this day that He showed us what a Dream Home looks like. We're praying that God will make a way for us with this gem, and if right now it's not possible, then someday it will be. And I'm okay with that.

"Grace" Challenge Answered in a Dream

*Warning: If you're reading this, it's gonna be a long one!

A couple night's ago I wrote a blog about being "grace" challenged. I knew that this blog was just the processing part and that there would be more to come. What I didn't know was that the "more to come" would come that very night in the form of a dream.

This was a first time experience for me ... waking up and knowing that what I had just dreamed was a message from God. And the communication that followed between Holy Spirit and me was just as purposeful and revealing as the dream itself. I got up in the middle of the night and recorded in my journal every detail of the dream that I remembered and every word that God spoke to me afterward.

This is my "Dream Answer":

I awoke at 2:13am from a disturbing dream. I had an immediate, distinct impression that the dream had purpose; that it was a God-given dream. Having never awoken from a dream with this feeling/knowing, I immediately prayed and asked God what my dream meant. These are the things I got right off the bat:

1. First words were "Grace Challenged". This was the blog I had written a few night's before and somehow this dream was attached to it.
2. "Does any of this really matter?" was the question that was birthed into my heart.
3. "End". This dream had something to do with an end, but I wasn't sure what end meant. Tribulation? end of something in me or in my life?
4. I also had the book of Philippians flash into my mind.

All of this happened in seconds. Even though I knew something was up in the spiritual realm, because I was tired, I actually tried to make myself go back to sleep. I laid there for just about 20 minutes, and when I realized I wasn't going back to sleep, I got up and trotted out to the living room at 2:30am with my journal in hand.

Dream: I was walking, by myself, in an expansive field of green grass and rolling hills. Land was all I could see for miles and miles. I heard a bomb drop and then saw the shock wave coming towards me. I thought I was going to die from the shock wave but instead it catapulted me about 100 feet into the sky. My arms and legs were flailing because I felt completely out of control, both on the way up and on the way down. I remember thinking that since I didn't die from the shock wave, I was definitely going to die from the impact of hitting the ground. I landed with a hard thud but survived.

Upon impact, my dream clicked to the next scene. I was with my Mom, Dad, Teighlor and Alec. We were all now walking in this same open field and even without having said it, we all were aware that each of us had been through a bomb experience of some kind. As we walked, we approached a large amusement park in the middle of this land. There were tons of people laughing and the rides were filled to capacity. I was confused because I couldn't believe that so many people could be enjoying themselves as if nothing had happened. Although there was no dividing fence or wall between us and the amusement park patrons, I knew in the dream that an invisible partition separated us from them.

It was then that I caught the eye of a girl and immediately began telling her how I had already dreamed of this very park and the fact that a bomb was going to hit it. She just kept laughing as if she didn't hear me. What's so ironic is that the dream I was sharing with her was an actual dream that I had had about a year ago in real life. In my dream, I was sharing about another dream I had had but somehow remembered in this dream I was having now. It was even a surreal moment in my dream. I knew - in my dream - that I was drawing on another dream memory.

There was a sense of urgency as I talked with this girl. I was trying to let her know that she wasn't safe. My last words to her were, "You're living with a false sense of security here in this amusement park." I was waiting for her response when my dream, once again, shifted scenes.

Now the five of us were in a small tent on an elementary school property, much like one I grew up attending. Paul and Chad were in the tent with us and they were laughing at Alec. I got the sense that just like the amusement park patrons, they were both totally unaware of the danger that loomed. We had a string of exposed light bulbs hanging from the ceiling of the tent and they began to flicker in a warning pattern. We knew that another bomb was on its way, so we headed out of the tent. I grabbed Teighlor and Alec and told them to stay with me; that if we were going to die, we were dying together.

My dad took Alec's hand and they walked ahead of my mom, Teighlor and me. They reached a street that ran between two school buildings and then it happened ... another bomb exploded. We heard it first and then like a rush of water between the two buildings, the shock wave rolled in. It hit my dad and Alec and knocked them to the ground, but they weren't injured. I screamed for them to get up and come to us but then this girl came frantically running from the direction of the shock wave. She was on fire - from the bomb - and as she ran past my dad and Alec, her fire lit them up. They fell to the ground again as I watched them being consumed by the fire. I was screaming and telling them to come towards us so that we could help them. My dad couldn't move and Alec was crawling but couldn't make any headway. From the right, Marian popped into the dream and I yelled at her to help Alec since she was standing right beside him. She just looked at him, as if not knowing what to do. I screamed at her again, since she was so close to him, but she didn't move. In that moment I knew that I was going to watch my dad and son burn to their deaths, so I willed myself to wake up. I wanted out.

It was then that I opened my eyes and saw the clock reading 2:13am.

After I recorded all the dream details in my journal, this thought ran through my head, "Are the times important?'(referring to 2:13 when I woke up and 2:30 when I finally got up and out of bed).

Remembering that "end" was one of the impressions I had when I first woke up, I had the distinct knowing that I was to open my Bible at Revelation and scroll backwards through the books. I stopped at Revelation 2 and started reading at verse 13:

The Message to the Church in Pergamum
 ¹³ “I know that you live in the city where Satan has his throne, yet you have remained loyal to me. You refused to deny me even when Antipas, my faithful witness, was martyred among you there in Satan’s city.
 ¹⁴ “But I have a few complaints against you. You tolerate some among you whose teaching is like that of Balaam, who showed Balak how to trip up the people of Israel. He taught them to sin by eating food offered to idols and by committing sexual sin. ¹⁵ In a similar way, you have some Nicolaitans among you who follow the same teaching. ¹⁶ Repent of your sin, or I will come to you suddenly and fight against them with the sword of my mouth.
 ¹⁷ “Anyone with ears to hear must listen to the Spirit and understand what he is saying to the churches. To everyone who is victorious I will give some of the manna that has been hidden away in heaven. And I will give to each one a white stone, and on the stone will be engraved a new name that no one understands except the one who receives it.

The Message to the Church in Thyatira
 ¹⁸ “Write this letter to the angel of the church in Thyatira. This is the message from the Son of God, whose eyes are like flames of fire, whose feet are like polished bronze: ¹⁹ “I know all the things you do. I have seen your love, your faith, your service, and your patient endurance. And I can see your constant improvement in all these things.
 ²⁰ “But I have this complaint against you. You are permitting that woman—that Jezebel who calls herself a prophet—to lead my servants astray. She teaches them to commit sexual sin and to eat food offered to idols. ²¹ I gave her time to repent, but she does not want to turn away from her immorality.
 ²² “Therefore, I will throw her on a bed of suffering, and those who commit adultery with her will suffer greatly unless they repent and turn away from her evil deeds. ²³ I will strike her children dead. Then all the churches will know that I am the one who searches out the thoughts and intentions of every person. And I will give to each of you whatever you deserve.
 ²⁴ “But I also have a message for the rest of you in Thyatira who have not followed this false teaching (‘deeper truths,’ as they call them—depths of Satan, actually). I will ask nothing more of you ²⁵ except that you hold tightly to what you have until I come. ²⁶ To all who are victorious, who obey me to the very end, To them I will give authority over all the nations.
   ²⁷ They will rule the nations with an iron rod and smash them like clay pots.
 ²⁸ They will have the same authority I received from my Father, and I will also give them the morning star!
 ²⁹ “Anyone with ears to hear must listen to the Spirit and understand what he is saying to the churches.

These passages clearly elued to the "end" that was spoken to me. Part of my dream was warning about the end times. What I couldn't understand was how it pertained to the reference of my blog and the question, "Does any of this really matter?" So, I asked God to clarify for me. 

I then remembered hearing Phillipians spoken to me. As I was flipping backwards from Revelation, I knew to stop at the book of James. Looking up both James and Philippians 2:13 (from 2:13am) this is what I read:

"For God is working in you, giving you the desire to obey Him and the power to do what pleases Him." (Philippians 2:13)

"For there will be no mercy for you if you have not been merciful to others. But if you have been merciful, then God's mercy toward you will win out over His judgment against you." (James 2:13)

Instantly I knew that the truth behind this dream and the scriptures was being unraveled, and I was seeing how everything tied together. 

• God gave me a dream that incorporated an analogy of the last days where those who know Christ will be aware of the signs of destruction; but those who do not know God will merrily be going through life, completely unaware of the danger that lies ahead. These are the amusement park patrons. When I spoke to one of the patrons trying to tell her that she was not safe - that she was living in a false sense of security - this symbolized me sharing the Gospel with an unbeliever. I asked God why I wasn't allowed to hear her response and He told me, "You are not responsible for the response of the unbeliever. You are only responsible for delivering the message."
• The specific verses in Philippians and James addressed my "grace challenge". God gave me the dream to answer a decision I had made (that I will not reveal here) and to show me how that decision was wrong and was born out of a lack of grace and mercy. His dream was "to work in me, giving me the desire to obey Him" and to remind me of the law of mercy ... if I do not give it, I will not receive it.
• The question He asked me, "Does any of this really matter?", pertains to my decision and the reasons surrounding it. I asked Holy Spirit why I was given such a disturbing dream. He said to me, "If I hadn't shown you something that was so purposeful (amusement park patrons) and tragic (my dad and Alec), you wouldn't have been able to answer my question with a NO. Without something so strong and compelling to compare this circumstance to, you still would have considered your "grace challenge" important, and you would have stood your ground in your heart. Does this really matter when compared to life, death and eternity?"

I have to state that I was completely in awe after all of this was revealed. Between the dream, the scriptures and the many things Holy Spirit spoke to me, I just couldn't stop shaking my head at the way God had chosen to address my "grace challenge". He knew my heart so well and that in this situation He needed something big to speak to me. And big He delivered. He left me no wriggle room when it came to answering His question, "Does any of this really matter?" And I have to say now, "No. It really doesn't."

My Jesus Dream

Jesus... He came and visited me last night in a dream. It's the first time I've ever had a dream with Jesus in it. And I believe... no, I know beyond doubt... that this "dream" was purposed by him. What a sweet dream is was, too. I call it my modern day version of the disciples in the storm at sea, except none of the disciples were there and we weren't at sea. [hmmm...] BUT, there was a storm and Jesus came in the midst of it! ;-)

I know when I awoke in the middle of the night that I should have pulled myself out of bed to write this dream down, but I had taken Benadryl to sleep soundly and I just couldn't quite muster up the energy to do anything but go back to sleep. I drowsily asked God to help me remember the dream in the morning and, almost immediately, I was back in dreamland.

My dream took place in a warehouse, but one converted into a home within one room. It was a wide open space with lots of windows but very sparsely furnished. A storm was raging outside, and I have to assume that we had decided to take shelter for our safety. I know that six people were a part of the group, but I only clearly remember four: Me, Anthony, Jason and Coli. I believe the other 2 were Teighlor and Alec, but my memory fails me there.

The storm had us all a bit frightened. Severe rain and wind were slamming against the warehouse walls and loudly rattling every window to what sounded like their breaking points. We were individually scattered throughout the warehouse, silently listening to the frenzied storm around us; none of us voicing the fear that we all felt but were afraid to confess.

In that moment, the lone door to the warehouse opened and in walked Jesus... no triumphal entry, no announcement from a messenger angel... just Jesus. What's ironic is that no one in the room reacted as if "JESUS" had just walked through the door. No gasps of shock and awe, no whispers questioning whether or not it was who we thought it was, no cell phone cameras popped open so that we could prove to the world via Twitpic that Jesus had walked into our warehouse. It was as if Jesus popping by to visit was a regular occurrence. that he was part of the family you could depend on to show up for Sunday dinner every Sunday.

He came in with the most humble air of confidence - a presence that commanded attention but didn't wreak of arrogance or a false sense of superiority. He just was Jesus and that was enough.

I was sitting on the only bed in the warehouse and watched Jesus visit each person in the room. I wasn't privy to the conversation taking place, but I watched the exchange of body language very intently. Each pairing told a different story communicated through eye contact, body position and touch.

Jesus approached Anthony first and sat next to him on the love seat. With Anthony, Jesus was very touchy-feely. I'm sure because He, of all people, would know that He created in Anthony the very essence of "we could so be touching right now". Their conversation looked deep and serious. I got the impression that Anthony was pouring out his concerns to Jesus. All the while, Jesus kept patting Anthony on his knee or rubbing his shoulder, exuding compassion for what he was listening to [and filling his love tank, too], but at the same time manifesting this sense that everything was going to be alright. He spoke very little but when he did, I could sense that his words held tremendous authority and wisdom, although they were delivered with the kindest, most compassionate expression. When Jesus was done, He gave Anthony a big hug and then touched his face with a tenderness that was palpable. It was the sweetest touch I've ever witnessed.

Jason was sitting in one of two over-stuffed, comfy chairs. Jesus pulled the other one around so that when He sat down his knees would be touching Jason's and they would be facing each other. Even though Jason is a tall guy, Jesus seemed taller... not in an intimidating way but with a stature that would make even the biggest of men feel safe standing next to him. As he sat down, Jesus leaned forward and began his conversation with Jason. The body language between these two men was very different than that displayed during Jesus' conversation with Anthony. Instead of the almost constant language of touch that existed between Jesus and Anthony, Jesus' touch with Jason appeared much more purposed - as if he was driving a point home every time he reached out to him. There was no condemnation in this touch, no "listen to me or else"... rather it almost appeared as if Jesus was trying to convince Jason of one thing or another and his touch was the period at the end of each sentence. Again, because I was not allowed to hear the words being spoken, I was left to surmise the conversation taking place through the contact of Jesus and the one with whom He was speaking. When Jesus was done, He rested both of his hands on Jason's knees and just held his gaze for what seemed like an eternity. Had it been anyone else, I believe Jason would have told a joke to break the silence, but instead he said not a word... he just let the communication happen.

And then Jesus crossed the room to meet Coli. She had been standing in a corner, watching all of this unfold, like me. When He reached her, he walked straight into the corner to stand next to her. He was "this close" to her, not leaving any room for personal space. Their faces were only inches from each other, a proximity that would have made even the closest of couples a bit unnerved, but with Jesus standing there it only seemed natural. He immediately reached out and took both of Coli's hands in his and their conversation began. As with the other two, this exchange had nothing in common with Jesus' prior conversations. Theirs was animated, full of smiles and laughter... kind of like two best friends sharing the events of their days that had taken place since their last time together, except even the best of friends don't share such extreme personal space as naturally as Jesus and Coli did. Everything about their time together would make any bystander secretly wish for "a relationship like that". When Jesus was done, He wrapped his arms around her and they hugged. There was no need for tears or a long good-bye because their contact simply communicated their love for each other and the fact that they would be seeing each other very soon.

Whether Jesus stopped and talked to the other two in my dream, I do not remember. What I do know is that when he approached me I was sitting against two pillows propped up against the wall, like they would against a headboard. Jesus took the two pillows on the other side of the bed, pulled them down to lay flat on the mattress and then laid down on his side facing me. He patted the empty space next to him and asked me to lay down, too. Without hesitation, I laid down on my side, facing him, and laid my head on his arm. As with Coli, there was only "this much" space between our faces. Had it been anyone else, I know I would have been checking my breath hoping that my Listerine was keeping me fresh, or I would have been backing up so that I could breathe "my own air and not that borrowed from the person next to me". [That's kind of a pet-peeve of mine] But, this position seemed so natural, so cozy, that the thought of breath mints never crossed my mind.

For a moment we just laid together and then Jesus asked me, "What one question do you really want to ask me?" I was caught off guard and didn't know how to respond. The only thing I could think to say was, "Well, before you came in I had so many questions about my life and what's going on, but now that I'm next to you I can't think of one." He just smiled and replied with, "Isn't that nice?" His very presence had calmed my fears and quieted all the concerns of life that were constantly on replay in my head. We took a few moments to bask in that peace. Well, He let me bask in His peace and he... I can only say that I got the distinct impression that He was simply enjoying His time with me; the same way I would enjoy my child snuggling next to me.

Jesus broke the silence by asking me another question, "What one thing do you think you struggle with the most?" Again, he caught me off guard. I ran through a list of 'struggles' in my brain, searching for the one that could top the list. Was it faith? Was it doubt? Was it impatience or fear, or complacency, stubbornness or self-reliance? How would I answer his question? My quandary was obvious and I think He decided to let me off the hook. I mean, he already knew the answer, didn't he? He just smiled in a way that words cannot explain and with a tone that cannot be defined he said to me, "I love you so much." And followed that up with, "That is the answer to my question." Huh?

To put an end to the wheels spinning in my head, he explained, "Beyond all the answers that you think should have topped your list, the only one that matters is the struggle you go through in your heart questioning how it's possible for me to love you when you've thought, said or done something that is completely unlovable. I don't want you to struggle with this any longer. I love you beyond everything." And when Jesus was done, He took my face in his hands and kissed my forehead like I would kiss my child good night and got up from the bed.

Without fanfare, He walked straight to the door, turned to us one last time and said, "Good-bye. I'll see you all later." And with that, he shut the door behind him and left as a friend would leave.