Falling in REAL Love

This past Friday, God called Anthony and I to fast for the day. During my time with the Lord that morning, I spent time in prayer seeking God’s direction on the “topic” we believed was the purpose of our fast. In the midst of praying, God softly spoke to my heart and asked me what I wanted - not from the fast - but from Him. I told Him that I wanted to know, for the first time in my life, what it was like to REALLY fall in love with Jesus. Yes, I believe in Jesus Christ as God’s Son, I have asked Him to come take residence in me, I read my devotions every morning, I say my prayers, and I do my best to teach what I know to my kids so that as they grow older they will come into a mature and deep relationship with their Savior.

But who am I kidding? If, at 40, I can say that I still want to know what it feels like to REALLY fall in love with Jesus, then how can I expect from my children what I don’t experience myself?

So, when God spoke to my heart and asked me, “What do you want?”, I told him. I want to fall in love... with Jesus.

I know what it’s like to fall in love. I have a husband, I have children, and I have family and friends. To varying degrees and in different ways, I am in love with all of them. If I find it easy to understand love - falling in love - with one of these, why haven’t I completely fallen in love with Jesus? He is the one who has saved my soul from the pit of hell; He is the one in whom Eternal Life is given to me; He is the one who I run to when I’m in need; and He is the one who comes and sits with me while I worship.

“It’s a simple answer”, God spoke to my heart. “You know so much about Him, you’ve given your heart to Him, and your life is changed because of His death on the cross.” And this is where God brought my question to light...

“But, you don’t really know Him. How can you expect to fall in love with Jesus when you’ve never taken the time to really get to know him?”

And God was right. I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that my heart belongs to Jesus. I know that I will never turn away from the only way to eternal life with the Father. I know that Jesus lives and he longs to sit with me, minister to me, teach me, and worship with me. The only thing I don’t know is... Him. Why? Because I’ve never - yes, that’s right - never taken the time to read through the Gospel books of the Bible from start to finish. Yes, this is my confession, of sorts. I have delved through chapters, have memorized certain scriptures, and know of so many of the miracles he performed. But, I’ve never disciplined myself to actually read through each of the Gospel books from “cover to cover”.

So, I asked God, “What can I do?” And He answered, “Read my Word”. So, I asked, “What do you want me to read?” He said, “Matthew. Start with chapter 1 and don’t read anything else until you are finished with this book. Then read the next book, Mark, and don’t read anywhere else in the Bible until you are done with it.” Do you see the pattern God was creating for me? One last instruction from the Lord was that I was not to read through Matthew with the intent to study it. I was to read through it as if I were reading the autobiography of Jesus. Read the life of My Son so that you can know Him.

So, I did start. I opened up to the book of Matthew and just started reading. Today - this morning - I read a couple more chapters and discovered something... It’s one thing to open up to a chapter in one of the Gospel books and read an individual passage or story about, or from, Jesus. It’s one thing to acquaint yourself with Jesus feeding 5,000 from a few fish and a couple loaves of bread or turning water into wine. BUT, it’s something special to just sit and read through the life of Jesus, from one page to another, from one parable to another, from one miracle to another, and understand Jesus for who He is in whole.

As I read, I am realizing an even bigger truth... that I - not Jesus - have held myself back from falling in love. But I know this... at 40 my heart is falling.

You're Blessed When...

When Jesus saw his ministry drawing huge crowds, he climbed a hillside. Those who were apprenticed to him, the committed, climbed with him. Arriving at a quiet place, he sat down and taught his climbing companions. This is what he said:

"You're blessed when you're at the end of your rope. With less of you there is more of God and his rule.

"You're blessed when you feel you've lost what is most dear to you. Only then can you be embraced by the One most dear to you.

"You're blessed when you're content with just who you are—no more, no less. That's the moment you find yourselves proud owners of everything that can't be bought.

"You're blessed when you've worked up a good appetite for God. He's food and drink in the best meal you'll ever eat.

"You're blessed when you care. At the moment of being 'care-full,' you find yourselves cared for.

"You're blessed when you get your inside world—your mind and heart—put right. Then you can see God in the outside world.

"You're blessed when you can show people how to cooperate instead of compete or fight. That's when you discover who you really are, and your place in God's family.

"You're blessed when your commitment to God provokes persecution. The persecution drives you even deeper into God's kingdom.

"Not only that—count yourselves blessed every time people put you down or throw you out or speak lies about you to discredit me. What it means is that the truth is too close for comfort and they are uncomfortable. You can be glad when that happens—give a cheer, even!—for though they don't like it, I do! And all heaven applauds. And know that you are in good company. My prophets and witnesses have always gotten into this kind of trouble.

Matthew 5:1-5 (The Message)

This morning God drew me near to Him. He spoke to my heart as I listened. He asked me to open His Word and He directed me to what He wanted me to read. One of the passages I read was Matthew 5 - more specifically, the Beatitudes. I’ve never read this passage before from The Message Bible, and it struck me how alive the words now seemed to me - as if I were reading them for the first time. I drew comfort, understanding, peace, and encouragement from reading the words of Jesus. I’ve kept my Bible open to this passage since reading this morning. I’ve gone back and read them again. And as I sit here typing this blog, I’m reading them again. It never ceases to amaze me how Christ’s words hold so much life in them, even when He says that I’m blessed when... I’m at the end of my rope, and I feel I’ve lost what is most dear to me. To the world, these statements would seem to be dichotomous. How can one be considered blessed when they’re at the end of themselves or have lost what is most dear or are persecuted for their commitment to God? It’s amazingly simple - yet so hard to live out on a daily basis, minute after minute.

With less of me... there is more of God!

Home Again

Vacations are a blast! And our family vacation to California was a true vacation... all rest and play. We didn’t come home needing a vacation from our vacation. We all came home not wanting to spend any more time than necessary in the truck, though. Four full days in the car, out of the 11 days we were gone, was enough for all of us for a while.

Aside from the road trip days, which really weren’t bad, considering... our days in California loaded us all up with memories to last a lifetime. I know we all came home with “our favorite day and favorite moment”. Let me share mine with you...

“My favorite day” was our last day in California, spent at The Thompson abode. It’s not because of the location that I chose this day as my favorite - it’s because all the family that could have been there was there. Having all the California family gathered together felt like old times, except there was a bit of new... Anthony, Marian and Savannah. From bbq’ing to pool volleyball (sorry for the bump on the head, Riah) to good fun and lots of laughs... this day put a cap on a vacation that was already fantastic.

“My favorite moment” isn’t hard to choose... it was the moment we pulled into the driveway at Mom and Dad’s house. The long drive there was now behind us and every minute of our vacation still lay ahead of us. I had butterflies of excitement swirling around my bejjy (that’s for you, A), and it was all I could do to contain Teighlor and Alec as they “very impatiently” waited for Anthony to stop the car so they could get out and run to meet Grandma and Grandpa.

This vacation was all about “family”.... reuniting with familiar “loved ones” and introducing new “ones I love”.

Thank you to y’all for making our vacation one that we will never forget! Mom and Dad... for opening your home to a house full and for allowing our vacation to be one of total relaxation. Marg... for taking so much time out of your busy schedule (of sun tanning) to come hang with us. Bill and Marg.... for hosting us on our last day in Cali with all kinds of yummy foods and pool party fun. To all the rest y’all... thanks for coming and hanging out with us and making my new family part of yours!

Last, but not least... Thank YOU, our Father in Heaven, for YOUR provision! From the incredibly comfortable truck that got us there and back, to the necessary funds to pay for the trip itself, to the family that made my new husband and two new daughters feel like they had been part of our family for years. I am truly blessed beyond my dreams!

Missing U

It’s 4:45 on Monday morning, and we’re on the road, headed back to Texas. The nighttime sky, that hasn’t yet awakened to the dawn, still sparkles with a gazillion stars. It’s probably the most beautiful part of the desert. My heart is anticipating the day ahead of me -- we’re headed to the Grand Canyon -- yet, it’s already missing the family I am leaving behind.

It’s been a fantastic week. Our California vacation was better than expected and filled with memories that we’ll all cherish for a lifetime. But this blagh is not written to capture the week of vacation that is now part of my past, or the two days left ahead of us that we’ll spend on the road as we head home. This blagh is simply to share what is on my heart at this moment in time...

I’m Missing Y’all Already!

Triple Threat

I know, I know. The title for this blahg is a bit odd, but it’s simply the least brain-taxing title I could come up with considering the fact that I’m writing this particular entry at 2 a.m. (Nothing up... just stayed up past the time my body normally goes to sleep, and now I’m awake.)

So, last night my body was aching (have been working out a lot lately), I had a headache (‘cuz I had a knot on the inside of my left shoulder blade that was tweaking the muscles in my neck) and I heard the whispers of Calgon offering to take me away. All of this added up to one thing... the need for a nice, long, hot bubble bath and my iPod.

My iPod always goes to the bathtub with me because whenever I’m soaking, I’m also always worshipping. The two just go hand-in-hand for me. Last night was no different, except for one thing... Jesus showed up in a big way.

I was singing through my first three songs and then got to a song to which I didn’t know the lyrics, so I decided to simply let my spirit sing for me. As the song played, I lost myself in thoughts of Jesus. I began to pray and asked Jesus to come sit with me while I worshipped. Within seconds, I was overwhelmed (literally) with the presence of Christ in the room with me. My heart felt filled to capacity (a true physical feeling), and tears rolled down my cheeks beyond my control. I wasn’t surprised by my reaction because whenever I’m allowed to feel the presence of God I am always emotionally overwhelmed. I can’t imagine who wouldn’t be.

As I regained my composure, I began a conversation with Jesus; one where I not only spoke aloud to him but also “heard” his replies back to me. I’m sure they wouldn’t have been audible to anyone listening, but they were clear as day to me in my heart.

This may sound silly, but the first thing I said to Jesus was, “Hello.” Well, isn’t that what anyone would say to someone who’s just popped in? Even though I couldn’t “see” Jesus, I was given a sense of his reactions when they weren’t “verbal”. He just smiled at me -- the most beautifully warm smile I’ve ever “seen”.

I then thanked him for coming to sit with me. His reply? “All you had to do was ask me.” I, again, was overwhelmed with emotion. Maybe it was the utter simplicity of his reply. Tears rolled down my cheeks once more. As I “watched” him, he said to me, “You know that I love you, don’t you?” I could only reply, “Yes.” Once again, I was fully aware of the presence of his spirit. It was so substantial that it felt as if a heavy blanket, like an old-fashioned, hand knit quilt, was covering my body.

As I took comfort in his company, I could feel my spirit basking in his holiness. After a short while I spoke to him the only words on my heart, “I love you so much.” It was at that point that Jesus became so clear to me. I couldn’t actually see him, but it was as if my spirit could -- and that image was being written on my heart. He looked at me with such affection, such tenderness. The delight that showed in his eyes made me feel like a small girl looking into the eyes of her Daddy.

I found myself captivated by his extravagant beauty... a regal beauty. The only words my mouth could speak were, “My God, you are so beautiful”, as more tears ran down my cheeks. It was a moment I hope to never forget.

At that time, the song that my spirit had been singing along to came to an end. As the next song began to play, I still felt Jesus’ abundant presence, so I invited him to join me in worshipping our Father together. For the next 3 songs I was given the privilege of knowing that Jesus was joining me in lifting praise to our Heavenly Father. It was truly an awesome experience.

For the past year I have thoroughly enjoyed, and looked forward to, my nights in the bathtub with my iPod and my worship music. I’ve always been honored to have been drawn into God’s throne room as I’ve lost myself in the music. Last night, God changed things up a bit... He came to sit with me.

The Spirit itself beareth witness with our spirit, that we are the children of God. ~ Romans 8:16